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ukfamilysolicitor
ukfamilysolicitor, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 1084
Experience:  Divorce, Finances, Children, Domestic Violence, Care Proceedings
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My husband left me 2 weeks ago with 2 children, One age 13 (

Resolved Question:

My husband left me 2 weeks ago with 2 children, One age 13 ( 14 in Dec) and one 8 year old. He had an affair which the children know about and we did work on recovery by going to couple counselling but he decided he doesn't love me anymore. My oldest daughter and myself begged and cried for him to stay but he went anyway. At the moment neither of them really want to see him until they come to terms with what has happened. My youngest has started counselling this morning via her school. I have explained to my husband that its only been 2 weeks and to give them sometimes but he disagrees with me. Any advice would be gratefully received? Many Thanks Marcella.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.

Hello Marcella

Welcome to Just Answer.

I am a Solicitor and will assist you.

I am sorry to hear about what has happened.

The courts view in respect of your children is that it is your childrens right to be able to have a relationship with both of thier parents unless it is unsafe to do so. The court will not consider an affair as an unsafe reason. That being said - it is a consideration of the court in respect of the emotional impact on your children and it is likley that things are raw at the moment.

In reality - in respect of your eldest child - she is of an age where she can decide what to do. If she doesnt want to spend time with her father - then it is highly unlikely that a court would make an order that she has to do so - given her curren wishes and feelings. It may be best in respect of your eldest daughter to just leave the dor open for her - explan that she can see her father when she is ready.

In respect of your youngest child - the courts would expect you to encourage a relationship between this child and their father.

If matters cant be agreed then then father can make an application to a family court for a child arrangement order to spend time with your youngest. The court would consider the emotional impact on your youngest but contact would likely order that contact take place.

Before the father can appy to court he would have to refer this to mediation first. Mediaion is a good way of trying to talk through matters and reach an agreement in the best interests of your children. The mediator may be able to facilitate separate appointments if you dont want to meet in person.

You can also self refer to mediation. There are lots of mediation services and there will be one local to you. Just google family mediaton in your area and give them a call to get the ball rolling.

Let me know if I can help you further.

Kind regards

Caroline

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Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you Caroline for the advice. I have explained to my husband that he can see the children but he has to give it some time for them to accept what has happened. He thinks that 2 weeks is long enough. I have explained that things are still very raw at home. My youngest has moved into my bedroom and sleeps with me at night time. I have explained to him that she is receiving her first counselling session this morning via the school and lets just see what happens. She also spoke to him yesterday on the telephone. I do reassure them both that their father loves them despite what has happened but because of the lies he has told us all they are struggling with all the emotions attached to what he has done. I have explained all this to him but he is adamant he is seeking legal advice. How long does it all take for this to take place? Does the fact that she is receiving counselling help the matter? Many Thanks Marcella.
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.

Hello Marcella

It sounds like you are taking the right approach and trying to put your children first.

It would be an important consideration for the court that your daughter is having counselling. It doesnt sound like you are disagreeable to contact taking place with your youngest - just that she needs time. Perhaps you should suggest that he write to her first and send her a small gift - so that you can try and smooth the way for moving things on.

If your ex was to take legal action - then he would have to refer to mediation first. This takes a week or so and then it depends on the availability of the appointments.

If mediation doesnt work - and he applies to court - the first hearing is at least after 6 weeks from the date he applied. As this allows the family court advisers (Cafcass) to undertake police and social services checks - which they always have to do.

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Let me know if I can help you further.

Kind regards

Caroline

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Customer: replied 1 year ago.
HI Caroline. Thanks for the advice. At the moment I can only see what happens and what my ex decided to do. I just don't think this is the right approach for the girls esp my youngest. I have told my oldest that she can she her dad whenever she wants when she is ready to. She said that doesn't want to see him as they have never been close even when he was at home and she said the way he is being is false. As for my youngest I have tried to explain to her that she mustn't feel disloyal to me if she wants to see her dad and she said to me not yet mummy. It seems that im telling him all this and he is still adamant that he is seeking legal advice. The mediation of course would be between myself and my ex? It wouldn't involve the children being there? Many Thanks Marcella
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.

Hello Marcella

It isnt easy putting the children first - but it is so admirable that you are doing this.

You are not going to be criticised for looking out for your daughters emotional well being.

Some mediators are trained in children work and can involve children. They can discuss this with you. It may well be that with ongoing counselling they consider that this is not appropriate for your yongest - but it may be helpful for your elder daughter.

Let me know if I can help you further.

Kind regards

Caroline

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Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Caroline. No its not easy but it is something that has to be done and my girls emotional welfare is my up most priority! They need them mum and that is what im trying to do. I trying to keep things as normal as possible but under the circumstances this is not always easy. It also makes it difficult when my ex cannot see what is going on. When he was on the phone yesterday he agree that she was allowed on the lap top whereas when he was at home he would never allow her to go on it. I had no choice but to allow her to go on it. I did try and explain this to him and all he said was oppps. So in effect he is not helping the issue! Can he do things like this without asking me first? I have asked my eldest if she wants counselling and she said no. They offer counselling in her school and I have spoken to her head of year and he has confirmed that she is doing well and nothing has been noticed to say that she is suffering! She seems well at home and she tells me how she feels. So really all I can do is wait and see what my ex decides to do then? Many Thanks Marcella.
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.

Hello Marcella

It sounds like your doing the best you can in the circumstances.

AS the girls main home is with you the father shoudnt be trying to undermine your parenting but that being said - courts do do accept that parenting styles are different. If however he started to denigrate you then the courts wouldnt look favourably on this.

Hopefully your eldest school will keep their eyes open now that they have been made aware of the circumstances and give your daughter the opportunity to speak to someone if she needs to.

let me know if I can help you further.

kind regards

Caroline