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Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 33808
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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My granddaughters are forced to visit their father (in a

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My granddaughters are forced to visit their father (in a contact centre again as he was causing them too much distress). The eldest who is a very bright 8 year old does not want to see him, when she knows she is going to have to stops eating, cries constantly, and cannot sleep, and when she returns from the same occurs for several days. The younger one says he shouts at her sister all the time
Submitted: 5 months ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 5 months ago.

Thank you for your question

My name is Clare

I shall do my best to help you but I need some further information first

Has your daughter spoken to the Centre Co-Ordinator and asked how it is going?

Customer: replied 5 months ago.
They took the matter out of the contact centre, and he was allowed to see the children, but not in his home because of his drug and alcohol problems, he also has two drink driving convictions. They did use one very local centre initially, but unfortunately as with many narcissists he charmed the elderly ladies, and they vilified my daughter. A more professional centre then had a vacancy, and here the workers were able to see through him. Recently, the eldest granddaughter has finally said she does not want to see him as he shouts at her, tells her lies, and they do not feel safe with him, as he does not watch what they are doing, the youngest one has also stated this. My granddaughter refused to speak to him, and said she would only willingly see him in a contact centre. My daughter told him he would have to arrange it as she was sick of trying to help him establish a proper relationship with the girls. This took place yesterday at the original centre (it is closing in November and according to NACC should not be taking any referrals), he was heard laughing with the workers as again he has charmed them into believing he is the victim. My granddaughter is now terrified she will be taken away from her mother and is in bits, and the youngest one sleepwalked twice last night, something she has never done before.
Customer: replied 5 months ago.
Although he has a British passport he was born and reared in South Africa, he has many problems there including having people there threatening to kill him. He has twice walked out on the girls and fled back to South Africa (this was before he had the threat to kill hanging over him). The first time his drug dealers were knocking at the door, telling my daughter that they knew what the children looked like and shr had better pay his debt. He rarely pays anything for the girls upkeep, but is able to buy designer clothes etc.
Expert:  Clare replied 5 months ago.

Why does your elder granddaughter think she will be taken away from her mother and which part of the UK do they live in?

Customer: replied 5 months ago.
They saw their father yesterday he has recently married and seems to think this means he is now a more suitable parent, despite the fact that my daughter has secure accommodation, we pay for the grandchildren to go to a very good privTe school, and he pays nothing for their upkeep. My granddaughter just clung to my daughter this morning sobbing saying she wanted to stay with her, he is known to think that if he wants something then that is the way it must be, so possibly he said something along the lines that they could live with him and his new wife. We live in Surrey.
Expert:  Clare replied 5 months ago.

Well that does change the concerns.

Has a safeguarding check been done on the new wife?

has your daughter identified an alternative Centre that can be used?

Customer: replied 5 months ago.
Thanks for your help, a safeguarding check will not have been done on the new wife, as he seems to think as he says something it automatically must be. There is an alternative contact centre near to her and his homes, but there is a waiting list. I think things might be beginning to calm down as my daughter has texted him to say she is pleased he seems to be settling down and that now perhaps he should begin paying maintenance regularly, not when he feels like it, and mentioning money seems to throw hin completely! Hopefully things will begin to calm down now, thank you. I think I havento say I am satisfied for you to have the money released, please do, please also note this should be a one off payment, until I get worked up about all this again.
Expert:  Clare replied 5 months ago.

At this stage get your daughter to put her name on the waiting list of the other centre - it will be needed

I suspect that her father has indeed been telling your granddaughter all about how they will come and live with him and his wife - hence the distress.

If she has not already done so your daughter should use the CMS and get the payments sorted as soon as possible

If he does try for overnight contact then his wife will have to have a safeguarding check

I hope that things do go smoothly although I suspect otherwise

Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 33808
Experience: I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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