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Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 33325
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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I've recently found out my eldest child isn't biologically

Customer Question

Hello
I've recently found out my eldest child isn't biologically mine, the child will be 10 next month. The mother and I aren't together anymore (4yrs), I've already had to go to court to get access back after it was wrongfully removed by the mother (Aug 2015) LIVID is not the word. What action can I take?
Submitted: 2 months ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 2 months ago.

Thank you for your question

My name is Clare

I shall do my best to help you but I need some further information first

What do you wish to achieve?

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
I don't really know what I can achieve? Surely this kind of thing has consequences?
Expert:  Clare replied 2 months ago.

Do you wish to stop your relationship with the child?

Were you ever married to the mother?

Are you paying maintenance?

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
I'm her dad now and have developed a relationship as such, I obviously love and care for the child like my own and it's not their fault and I don't want to hurt them. At the same time I'm not taking the amount of grief the mother gives for a child that isn't mine. I've already had to take her to court once at my own expense.I have a second child with the mother the paternity is definitely not in question there, poor bugger looks like me too much.No the mother and I were never married (engaged) we used to live together, I have shared parental responsibility, the child has my surname and I am on the birth certificate.I have paid maintenance I'm not currently as I have started my own business and I am not earning a great deal right now.I used to be in the army, a career in gave up as I didn't want to be an army to a child that turns out isn't mine and have struggled with civil***** *****fe since including learning how to cope with an adjustment disorder with has led me to suffer serious anxiety attacks on a frequent basis. No rejoining isn't an option I'm now stuck in this hell hole. The mother claims she was always 100% the child was mine, yeah right.I don't necessarily want to end the relationship with the child but do want to somehow hold the mother accountable. I'm feeling really screwed over.
Expert:  Clare replied 2 months ago.

I can understand that but sadly your options are limited.

You can certainly refuse to pay any further maintenance for the child, and if it were your wish to end the relationship with the child you could do so.

Potentially you could reclaim maintenance paid in the past IF you can prove that she must have known that the child was not yours - but this would have implications for any ongoing relationship with the child

However there is no compensation you can claim for your lost Army Career I am afraid

I am sorry - sadly the law is not always able to right wrongs in the way that it should

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
basically as far as the law is concerned, it's ok to do that to someone? There's no consequence for messing with someone that much?
Expert:  Clare replied 2 months ago.

As I said potentially you could reclaim maintenance paid in the past IF you can prove that she must have known that the child was not yours - but this would have implications for any ongoing relationship with the child

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
I can't prove anything. It's not about the maintenance. It's about the fact that she watched me walk away from the only thing I ever wanted and has seen how much I've struggled since leaving and the child that wasn't even mine has been used to control and as a weapon to hurt and it's apparently ok to do that. Yeah sure there's the morale angle but if there's no legal implications who gives a shit right? I understand whats been explained. Thank you for your time.
Expert:  Clare replied 2 months ago.

Sadly the law cannot deal with such wicked (and I mean wicked) Human Manipulation - I wish it could - the ability of people to hurt each other in this way is infinite.

You are a good man to understand the difference between what she did and the child you love

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