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ukfamilysolicitor
ukfamilysolicitor, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 1095
Experience:  Divorce, Finances, Children, Domestic Violence, Care Proceedings
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Can I please have the same solicitor who advised me before?

Customer Question

Can I please have the same solicitor who advised me before? Her name is***** family law? Thanks
Submitted: 1 month ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 month ago.

Hello

Thank you for requesting me. I hope that you are keeping well.

What happened with the holiday?

kind regards

Caroline

Customer: replied 1 month ago.
Hi thank you Caroline!! I thought I lost you!! I m thrilled to update you with saying that she did not go!!����
I did not red to talk at all!! The female judge asked my ex when he was planning to take our daughter. This happened on a Friday and he replied that he was taking her on Sunday...the second she heard that, without even reading our statement or me saying anything, she said that she could not allow her to go to mexico
Customer: replied 1 month ago.
I cannot possibly explain to you how I felt. My ex tried to insist explaining how important it is for her to go...the judge simply told him that the location he chose was the problem she then asked me about my concerns. She asked to read our statement then when my ex insisted ...she said that after reading our statement, she definitely would not allow her to go. She asked me what I thought about the current arrangement with contact, I explained that our daughter struggles very much with going to her dad than therefore leaving me. She said that it's common for young children to pick up on bad vibes and had separation anxiety. In any case...she did not go!!! Which is what matters. My ex was fuming!! I could see it on his face! I sent him a text the day before his journey, offering him to spend the afternoon with her, but he did not turn up and stated that since I had not confirmed him coming, he was shopping for his holiday. ...now we are having a meeting with the cafcass officer next week and I need your advice on a few things. Please!
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 month ago.

Wow! it was worth waiting for that Judge then. So happy to hear that it worked out and that you got a Judge that instantly understood your case.

Please do fire away with your questions. I'm just off to bed though so I hope that its ok that I respond in the morning.

kindest regards

Caroline

Customer: replied 1 month ago.
Our daughter has been bitten a few times by other children at the nursery. The first 2 times, she did not cry. I spoke to the nursery manager when that happened and told them that this was not something I would be happy to tolerate as I take my daughter to the nursery for social purpose, not because I have to take her there for work purpose and also that I wanted her to feel safe and secure there. Since then, on Tuesday this week, she got bitten on her shoulder and this left a mark on her shoulder. She cried. I requested to talk to the manager. Thursday this week, I took her to the nursery, and as I was waiting to hand her over to a member of staff, there was a little girl who was being consoled as she had severely been bitten. I immediately decided to not leave her there on that afternoon. Spoke to the manager again, and she said that there was not too much they could do as 3 kids bite on the afternoon my daughter attends. Since then, i contacted my ex to tell him that our daughter was had stayed with me due to the risks that she would be under ...he agreed and added that he did not want her to stay there either as 3 biters was difficult to manage. Afterwards, I spoke to the manager of the nursery and she said that our daughter could attend a different day instead. My ex collects our daughter on the afternoon when 3 of the biters attend. I explained by text to my ex that I was thinking of swapping the days to keep her safe. He then replied that he was not happy as this would mean that he would not be able to collect our daughter since he had made arrangements with his work to leave sooner to collect her etc. Anyways... My ex had been telling me that he had no more leeways with work for ages but just today, he told me that he's going great to collect her from her nursery on the Friday now too. There is more to it and I know it can be difficult to follow what I'm writing.
My question is:
My ex picks up our daughter straight from the nursery on Tuesdays but due to the risks with the biters, I feel that swapping days with what the manager has available is really important. My ex is not happy now that he sent me a text saying that I am now going to stop him from seeing our daughter on the Tuesday since shell probably get upset to go to him from my house. My ex does not realise that there are other issues about the care he provides our daughter which affects her routine etc. E.g. he collected her on Tuesday this week and because she now does not nap like she used to, she fell asleep in his car at around 6 pm. He woke her up when he got her home and when I picked her up the following day, he said that she eventually went back to bed at 23.00!! Also, when our daughter is away from me for some time, she really is clingy, upset and won't let me put her down. I struggle to get her back to her routine as her dad has no routine with her. So currently, he has her once during the week overnight and every other weekends. Anymore than that, and she would get back to finding it difficult and it's very confusing with the journeys back and forth as he's 20mins down to his house.
Customer: replied 1 month ago.
I am keeping our exchanges in communication very brief with him. Before my holiday to my family, he basically told me as he dropped our daughter back to me, that he had some beef with me and wanted to talk face to face. I replied that there was no need to meet up and anything he wants to say can be done by whassap messages. He told me that there are other changes that he needs to inform me off. I suspect that he'll tell me that he can pick our daughter from. The nursery everytime she goes. The thing is, I work like her to go on the safe afternoon without the biters there so this means 2 afternoons a week. He texted me to say that I can't make decision on my own as she has 2 parents and that I can't protect her from everything. I thought this was such a hypocrite thing to say because he agreed that she should not be around kids who could hurt her and though I did the right thing by not leaving her on the Thursday, but the minute the same kids could hurt her on the day he picks her up, he felt that she should still attend and immediately thought about him rather than her. I anticipate his statement most of the time. He just want to have our daughter as much as possible regardless of her being happy , comfortable etc. The judge in court said to him that she was not concerned about other children. Basically my ex tried whatever he could for our daughter to go to Mexico. He told the judge that he contacted the airline company and they told him that there was 4 other young kids travelling Mexico on the same flight. The judge stated that she was not concerned about what other parents choose to do with their children as our daughter comes from separated parents so therefore, her emotional well-being was her only concern. Not what other kids do. I thought it to be really interesting that when I explained to my ex that I was keeping her to keep her safe from the biters he was absolutely fine with it..and agreed that she was at risk. ..but the minute I told her that the day he picks her up, the biters are there too and his concerns for the risks she was under changed immediately. He asked me what I would do if the biters were changed days..what would I do then. I am so exhausted already and I have just been back from my holiday. I am just going to to to the cafcass officer and explain what has been happening and hope for the best. I don't think it's unreasonable for him to spend time with her once weekly overnight and every other weekends. Considering everything else and the messed up routine, the way she struggles with being away from me for long period of time, the fact that she is really tired when she's been with him for a weekend. She falls asleep in the morning after he's had her. Really bad as this never ever happens at home ...I need your advice of things please!!!
Customer: replied 1 month ago.
Morning Caroline! Let me know what you think of what I wrote. Am I being unreasonable? Is it more important for our daughter to go to the nursery and risk being bitten a 4th time just because my ex can pick her up on that particular Tuesday from The nursery? He sent me a text this morning saying that he's not happy with me making decisions and I can't protect her from everything. He wants me to keep her at the nursery on the days that she could be bitten again because he made arrangements with work to collect her from there. He says that this should be discussed but our focus are different. I'm focused on keeping her safe no matter what whilst he's focused on having her as often as possible no matter what!The thing is, I don't want him to come to my house to collect her when I'm there. I asked my friend to hand our daughter over and my daughter screams just the same even though I'm not the one handing her over.
Just had a long text from him.
I don't know what to do. He now says that I will stop him from seeing his daughter on Tuesday because she won't want to go to him. He just told me that he can now pick her up from the nursery on Friday too. I have not said anything about this change. He just told me. But I kept quiet because I know our daughter does not get distressed if he picks her up from the nursery. I am not against him having her once a week and every other weekends. But what can I do? I can't possibly leave my daughter there and she gets bitten once more? Just because my ex collects her from there? To me it's just ridiculous!! Surely if her well being and happiness is paramount, Inc risks of harm..then therefore, I am doing g the right thing to swap the nursery days?? I can see his point about what would happen if another kid started to bite on the swapped days, but that is something that I would need to look into if this happened. What do you think?? Am I being unreasonable?? Would a judge say that she needs to be there regardless? The judge we saw seemed to be a normal woman with common sense and she appeared to put our daughter's welfare first. Am I not supposed to adjust things around to ensure that she's safe there?? I asked him to tell me if it was just ok for me to keep her safe from harm but that I should take her to the nursery with those high risks just because he's picking her up. I am waiting to hear what he says.
Also...I am looking at peppa pig world to take our daughter there on the 25th of september, I don't even know how to let him know that I would like to do that. Do I have to ask for his permission? It would only be a 2 day stay and it should not affect him having her Monday through to Tuesday ...i don't know.
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 month ago.

Hello my dear

I am very sorry at my delay in responding to you - I had been unwell over the weekend.

I note that the father agrees that your daughter should not be exposed to the biting children but is concerned that this is going to impact on his time. If its the handover thats the problem could you try exploring someone else to help again. The courts will and do promote routines as being vital for children but given a 'good talking too' by the court as to why this is important then the court will want him to keep his routine of the Tuesday if he can then meet her other needs. I just dont want you to be seen as being difficult even though I know you are not. Can he not change his work pattern for the other afternoon? Its best to be seen to offer every solution that you can. Have you spoken with Cafcass ? what did they say?.

If Peppa pig world is out of the jurisdiction then you would need his permission. If not then you dont but if he is missing time with your daughter then its best to offer an alternative.

kindest regards

Caroline

Customer: replied 1 month ago.
Hi Caroline!! So sorry to hear that you were not well! I thought you might not be ok as you always reply so quickly. Thank you for your advice. You are right! It can be perceived as if I'm difficult but...there are other issues. I am seeing the cafcass tomorrow morning. My ex has spoken to me and his circumstances have changed. He no longer needs to collect his a son from south London a as the mother of his son has given him the child. So his son lives with him now. He is trying to have our daughter as often as possible and collect her from the nursery etc. But... When we did the 3 nights in a row at his, our daughter was particularly exhausted and on more than one occasion, she was sleeping in the car at 8 am from her return back to me. Also, sleeping in the car when he collects her and recently he said that she fell asleep in his car when he picked her up and he woke her up and she fell asleep again at 11pm. Our daughter is growing up and she is no longer having her 1 pm nap so this means that shell need to go to bed earlier...This is just 2 examples of the disruption all this back and forth are having on our daughter. Not to mention his reports that she has unsettled nights at his. He wants our daughter to attend more nursery time and he is now stating that her speech for her age is not up to speed blaming the fact that's she's bilingual french. I am honestly exhausted, Caroline! I do want our daughter to have contact regularly but the frequency that my ex wants is really too much!! She is truly affected and I saw that when we were at the peak of the increased contact. There is more but...I do not want to be perceived as not wanting contact for our daughter but surely, every other weekend and once every week is acceptable as it's overnight? My ex assured me that he would get what he wants and is very arrogant about it. he is absolutely sure that the judge will increase the contact. The other day, it took me an hour to get to her due to the traffic. What do you think? I am offering, in my opinion some regular contact but for him, it's not enough. Let me know what you think.
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 month ago.

Hello

Thank you for your kind thoughts.

I was thinking about you again and didnt want you to think I was being harsh before as that wasnt my intention. Basically my logic was that as you had been successful in relation to the holiday - sometimes Judges like to 'even things out' if you know what I mean so I want you to use every possible option as an alternative to not look difficult.

Good luck with Cafcass - let me know how you get on.

The routine and disruption you have detailed for your daughter is very important and I am sure that you will get this all across to Cafcass.

You have to raise your concerns so dont feel bad for doing it.

kindest regards

Caroline

Customer: replied 1 month ago.
Hi Caroline...you were not being harsh at all!! You are absolutely right! I need to show that I am open to negotiation but still take into account how our daughter has been feeling. I will let you know. The appointment with the cafcass is today at 10.30. hope she's a mum and understands my concerns. Will let you know...thank you for being there for me!! Thank you a million!!
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 month ago.

bless you! I look forward to hearing from you.

Customer: replied 24 days ago.
Hi Caroline!!..wanted to let you know what happened at the court yesterday. Basically, the current arrangement is the same. My daughter with her dad twice a week one week and the following week once during the week plus weekend. thats what I wanted as a maximum. The judge would not allow a judgement for when she goes to school. My ex asked for some kind of judgement to have our daughter attend nursery more so he could collect her more from there. I'm not sure that's what he meant as the minute the judge realised that she was not going to school until 2019,he said it was to early. He added that a lot could happen til then and wants us to go to a separation group. My ex said he went last year so did not feel that he heeded to go again. That was denied. He needs to go again. He tried to have her returned to me at 7pm on the Sunday, and I objected and the judge agreed that 6.30pm was more appropriate. He wants me to carry on picking up our daughter from his house. The judge said that he can't force me to do that. The judge asked if I was willing to do that until I finish my training and I said yes. So.. basically, my ex will come back full strength when my daughter approaches school age so...I'm getting ready but in the meantime, I'm feeling relieved that things as set. Thanks for you advice
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 24 days ago.

Hello

Thank you for the update. Im glad to hear that all went well.

What happened with the nursery day - did it stay the same?

kindest regards

Caroline

Customer: replied 24 days ago.
Hi again...yes... unfortunately it did. I try not to take her too early to minimise the risks of possible bites.but in my heart, I know if I was not in conflict with her dad, I would have taken her out of the nursery. I just feel sad as lately, she just constantly does not want to stay there at all. The Nursery reports that she's fine when I leave. I believe that she's fine but it breaks my heart. I will need your advice though. I could not entertain the idea of moving away but how would I need to do that if I wanted to move an hour away now that we've gone to court? Brighton has always been a place I have wanted to be. Let me know...thanks
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 24 days ago.

Hello

I am sorry to hear that.

1 hour away is not out of the jurisdiction so you do not technically require his permission. That being said and given the history in your case I have no doubt he would seek to apply for a PSO to prevent you moving so that leaves you starting the process of mediation and court again. The court again would make its decision based on what was in your daughters best interests and you would be favoured if you could still promote the relationship between them as part of your proposals.

kind regards

Caroline

Customer: replied 23 days ago.
Hi Caroline! Thank you again! You're absolutely right! I would want them to still have contact etc. I have been going to Brighton for years. I have taken my daughter several times. The opportunity of culture and bilingual education is amazing for her down there. I have a lot to think about and would indeed, need a proposal to enable regular contact etc.
Since, as you said, I don't need his permission, how is the best way to go about and do things right? Check schools? Place to live? Job? Then ask the court? I wouldn't go to mediation again...really would not be keen on that, given my previous experience. But I guess, I know my ex would object our daughter moving down there. So no point in mediating. My ex knows that our daughters education and bilingualism is something important to me. So...
Do I prepare myself then ask the court direct for permission to go there with my proposal of how the contact would be maintain? I don't want war...just the right to give our daughter an amazing education, live by the sea, in a cultured county with amazing activities for her to take part into. My daughter is french bilingual and there is an amazing Spanish English primary school there. I have always thought of adding another language to her education and this would be perfect. I would need a lot of work with organising myself since I own my house but...looking at the life that my daughter could actually have, is worth querying.
In order to do things rights, do I do all the research then register her to the school closer to the time etc. I would need to tell her dad as he will want to know what school she's going to. But once he knows it's out of county, we would be straight back to court. So what's the best, ***** ***** by law, for me to go about this? People go to Australia after being separated and the court grants it as the children will possibly have an amazing life there. I wonder how the whole thing is done...please advise..if you can, of course
Customer: replied 23 days ago.
Also...I have checked, and the closest bilingual school to where I live is far just the same. So brighton is definitely somewhere I would love to think about