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ukfamilysolicitor
ukfamilysolicitor, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 1195
Experience:  Divorce, Finances, Children, Domestic Violence, Care Proceedings
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My husband constantly threatens me with divorce in any rows.

Customer Question

My husband constantly threatens me with divorce in any rows. He now said that if we got divorced he would not need to pay me anything for the children or me as he would have the children for 7 days and then me. So I would have to look for a house myself and pay everything myself. Thus would be very difficult for me as I am a stay at home mum without any income. Our children are 3,5 years and 12 months. I gave up my career in London in financial services as I believe in caring for our children myself versus a nanny. He thinks to stick children in nursery for 12 hours a day is ok. As he works in London with a annual salary if 200k incl bonus it would be very hard to give our children the same lifestyle he might give them. I also would not be able to afford a three bedroom house but he would. We currently own a 4 bed house but we would not bevable to have this house and a flat for him as our money is gone after each month. What is the legal position here?
Submitted: 2 months ago.
Category: Family Law
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Further facts: he leaves the house at 7am and comes back at 7pm. He probably would employ a nanny as otherwise I am not sure how he would bring the kids to nursery before work or pick them up as the longest opening hours of a nursery here is 6.30pm (the one our older daughter attends 3 x a week for short days)
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
I personally do not believe in the children being put into nursery for 12 hours and then just spend time with them to bring them to bed. He thinks that is ok, but bringing them to bed he could also do for one week if they lived in one house with me . I would never want them to not see their dad as he generally is a very good dad . He thinks that is ok but for the sake of just one hour bringing to bed every night and alternating weekends I think that it does not justify a 50/50% arrangement .And how could I pay a solicitor? Is it possible to pay it from our shared bank account as I have no other income then what he earns
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 2 months ago.

Hello

Welcome to Just Answer

I am a Solicitor and will assist you.

I am sorry to hear about the threats that your husband is making.

Please may I ask:

- how much equity is in the property?

- what are the other assets for both of you including pensions?

- whose name is ***** ***** in?

kind regards

Caroline

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
The house was bought in his name in 2012 for 375k. But it is worth now about 525k to 550k as we had an estate agent in 2 months ago for other reasons. I think he/we might owe still the bank maybe 315k for it.
We have not really any other assets other than that he owes shares from his company in value of about 100k maybe and that he gets an annual bonus of maybe 15k before taxes.
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Calling is not so easy as I have my older daughter with me today and she could tell daddy about this phone call.
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 2 months ago.

Hello

Thank you for your response.

You can ignore the pop up for a phone call it comes automatically from the site.

Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 2 months ago.

Your house is a 4 bed - how much would a 3 bed be in your area?

kind regards

Caroline

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Also I have to say that my husband thinks it's ok to just throw anything into a row but tell me afterwards that he didn't mean it. However, the divorce issue he brings up in every row so I have developed trust issues by now (which he does not understand). However, our toes become more intense as he freaks out with every little comment . I do not get into a car with him any longer as if we have a row in the car he drives very badly, breaks abruptly, etc. He also has no issues doing so with the children in the back of the car and have those rows in front of the kids. He is a dry alcoholic for about 13 yrs and takes antidepressants if that is of any interest.
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
I am not sure, I could look it up on rightmove. Surely not under 1500£ maybe (I guess) ? We were once told our rental income would be about 2000£ a month.
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 2 months ago.

I am sorry to hear this I do understand that you want to know your legal position. What would a 3 bed house in your area be to buy?

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
To buy : http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/find.html?searchType=SALE&locationIdentifier=REGION%5E1366&insId=1&radius=0.0&minPrice=&maxPrice=&minBedrooms=3&maxBedrooms=3&displayPropertyType=houses&maxDaysSinceAdded=&_includeSSTC=on&sortByPriceDescending=&primaryDisplayPropertyType=&secondaryDisplayPropertyType=&oldDisplayPropertyType=&oldPrimaryDisplayPropertyType=&newHome=&auction=false
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
To rent : http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-to-rent/find.html?searchType=RENT&locationIdentifier=REGION%5E1366&insId=3&radius=0.0&minPrice=&maxPrice=&minBedrooms=3&maxBedrooms=3&displayPropertyType=houses&maxDaysSinceAdded=&sortByPriceDescending=&_includeLetAgreed=on&primaryDisplayPropertyType=&secondaryDisplayPropertyType=&oldDisplayPropertyType=&oldPrimaryDisplayPropertyType=&letType=&letFurnishType=&houseFlatShare=false
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
I was right, rent is about 1500£ a months
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
To buy btw 270 and 300k
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 2 months ago.

Hello

Thank you for that.

1) The reality is that you are the main carer for your children. Courts do expect parents to be able to agree arrangements for children when they separate without the need for court and courts will order shared care but this has to be when it is in the childrens best interests. I agree with you that 12 hours a day in day care is not in your childrens best interests.

Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 2 months ago.

2) If either of you did decide to divorce then either of you are able to make a claim in respect of the matrimonial finances. The starting point for division for long marriages (over 5 years) is equality.

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
I don't know if it's worth saying that but I owned a flat outside of London which I bought in 2008 for 146k. We sold it in 2014 for 145k. But as it was a a tracker mortgage and Bec of the low interest rate very cheap to live in (300£ a month) that is how he was able to save money for this house when he lived with me from 2010 to 2012.
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 2 months ago.

3) however as you are the main carer for the children and you earnings are significantly less than your husbands then you need to be arguing for a larger of share of the matrimonial assets (around 10 -20%) and spousal maintenance.

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
We married in march 2012, so this is a long marriage and we would have to split everything equal?
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 2 months ago.

see 3

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
A larger share: does it mean me: 50% plus 10 to 20%
And him : 50% minus 10 to 20% ?
If all assets?
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
What does spousal maintenance mean? Is this different from child maintenance?
Could he force me to go back to work?
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 2 months ago.

4) The courts main priority when deviding the matrimonial assets is making sure that the childrens housing needs are met. A court would consider a house that is owned more stable tha a house that is rented. There is not enough equity in the house to rehouse you and the children so a court would likley order that you and the children remain in the huose until the children reach 18 and then the house be sold and your husband gets his share then.

Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 2 months ago.

Yes means all assets - house savings etc

60/70% to you

40/30% to him

Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 2 months ago.

Spousal maintenance is payments to you in addition to child maintenance.

You do have to mitgate your position by finding work if you can.

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Does this financial arrangement change if he would 'care' for them the 50% ?
Or if the children are older in the future, say they are both in school at some point ?
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
I know but the problem is then I need to work in London and the kids would be 12 hrs in childcare. Not sure if I could find a part time role? My last salary before I stopped working was 57k annually . But if u tried to get this kind of job in Tunbridge Wells ...which is nearly impossible... you probably would earn only 35k .
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 2 months ago.

depends when the order was made. If made soon given that your chidlren were young then its as per the information I am giving to you. You can agrre between you when the house should be sold but if you cant then this is likely what a court would do.

Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 2 months ago.

you would just have to look for employment near you so that it fit in with the children.

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
To point 4 : who would live with them in the house? Would we both. E allowed to live in this house?
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Would we both be allowed to live in this house?
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Or would he have to move somewhere else and he needs to split the bills with me?
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 2 months ago.

I suggest that you consider family mediation.

The only way to get a final legally binding position in relation to the matrimonial finances is by court order or consent order approved by the Judge in matrimonial proceedings purusant to divorce.

family mediation - can help you both through disclosure of the assets and discussions about division but if agreement cannot be reached you need to apply to court.

If divorce is not yet conteplated you can use mediation to agree a separation agreement but this is not legally binding and cannot be enforced like a court order can.

Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 2 months ago.

re 4 - you and the children - a court would likely order that he would have to reside elsewhere

Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 2 months ago.

If he cant agree to pay through mediation then issue for divorce and ask for interim maintenance until the matrimonial finances are resolved

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
How would I pay a solicitor?
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Am I entitled to legal aid?
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Would this information be publicly Available?
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 2 months ago.

there are no solicitors involved in mediation but they do have fees depending on your income

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
how long until this thread is closed?
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 2 months ago.

for legal aid you need to have evidence of domestic violence as well as qualify by means

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
if I take a solicitor at some point?
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Ok so I would not get legal aid
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 2 months ago.

https://www.gov.uk/legal-aid/domestic-abuse-or-violence

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
I would have to pay the solicitor somehow , correct?
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 2 months ago.

https://www.gov.uk/check-legal-aid

Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 2 months ago.

yes but if you qualify on the means section (income and capital) you could talk to your gp about yoour husbands behaviour and if he refers you to support and fills out this letter then you may get legal aid if you passed the means

Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 2 months ago.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/referrals-to-specialist-domestic-violence-support-services-health-professionals

Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 2 months ago.

If you are happy with my help please do kindly remember to rate positively so that I receive credit. This thread will then remain open for you.

kind regards

Caroline

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Will it not close once I have rated u as it's being seen as closed?
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 2 months ago.

no dont worry is doesnt close when you have star rated :)

ukfamilysolicitor and other Family Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
If I went and needed a solicitor, how would I know who is a good one?
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 2 months ago.

Hello

You want to find a solicitor whom is a law society panel member.

kindest regards

Caroline