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Cher
Cher, Teacher
Category: General
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Experience:  Masters Level Educator,Tutor 35+ yrs.; Author, Senior Internet Researcher, Trivia Master
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Me and my boyfriend just dont get on, we are argue all the

Customer Question

Me and my boyfriend just dont get on, we are argue all the time
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: General
Expert:  Cher replied 3 years ago.

Hello, Hannah and welcome to Just Answer.

My name is XXXXX XXXXX I will be glad to help you with your question today.

I will need a bit more information before I can send you an answer.

How long have you and your boyfriend been together?

Have you always argued, or is this something recent?

When you talk to him about it, how does he react/respond to you?

Do you argue about only certain things, or about everything, all the time?

May I ask your ages?

Thanks for all your additional detail.
Cher

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Benn together for 2 and half years. we have always argued but it seems to be getting worse as he doesn't see my-side and doesn't compromise so when i bring it up in him been selfish and stubborn he turns it onto me and i get the blame. I am 24 and he is 33.. I have strong views on things and he doesn't care about them and does it anyways. He speaks to me so horrible and name call he says he does love me but i push him until he snaps

Expert:  Cher replied 3 years ago.
Hello again, Hannah and thanks for your helpful reply.

I'm sorry you feel that things have been getting worse, with the arguing.

If he says he loves you but you push his 'buttons' until he snaps, you're both going to have to make more of an effort to compromise and set some ground rules. For example, you can tell him, you're not allowed to ever say "------" to me again; it hurts my feelings and is uncalled for. You can do the same thing, and not express 'all' your views, if you know it will lead to an argument. I'm not saying, don't say what you feel; a relationship always has to have open communication, but if when the two of you communicate, it only ends up in an argument, you have to step back, look at the situation and find where the problem lies, then avoid it.

People who are in love may argue sometimes, but not all the time. From your description, it sounds like you are each trying to get the last word and 'top' each other. This is not a competition, but a relationship where love is involved. He should not be calling you names or being horrible to you and you can express your strong views, but allow him some 'space' if he wants to do something (as long as it doesn't involve seeing another woman, of course).

It sounds like you both would benefit from couples counseling to air your differences and use certain techniques to reduce the arguing within your relationship, so check out some counselors/couples therapists in your area.

It's possible that the age difference may factor into this, as well. You may have outgrown each other and might be happier with others closer to your own age. I hope you don't take offense to this statement, but constant arguing does not indicate a healthy relationship, so you need to get down to the bottom of the problem with the help of a professional, in person, and start making some changes in yourselves that will help the arguing decrease.

If true love is there, it will conquer all, but each person has to contribute to making changes, if it will continue to work.

I wish you much good luck and hope you will be able to start counseling and see a difference over time. Patience is key; changes happen slowly when both partners truly want them.

If you need any additional information or clarification, simply 'Reply' back before rating and I will be happy to help with any follow up questions. If my response has satisfied all your concerns, a positive rating and positive feedback on the survey would be greatly appreciated. Thanks! : )

If you would like to request me to answer any new, future questions, please begin your post with "For Cher" and I will respond as soon as I can. Thank you!

Warmest regards,
Cher

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