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Clare
Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 33311
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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I have been separated over 2 years, 3 children, 12, 9 and 4,

Customer Question

I have been separated over 2 years, 3 children, 12, 9 and 4, all who live with me.
My ex left me in 18,000 debt not including our mortgage payments. He gives me 400.00 pounds per month, and see the children, however, there are always issues over contact. Changing his mind over contact times, and days at weekend to suit his needs and not the children. The children stayed in different houses when the did sleep over. He's reduced the monthly sleep over from 4 nights to 2 nights per month. However he does pick the children up from school and will have them for tea on his days off. He works regular day shifts with days of during the week. The break up was very nasty and his whole family have been involved, sending text, turning up the house arguing, police have been involved over all the abuse hes attacked me on a nmber of occasions and once i had to go to hospital as i thought he had broke my arm, but it was badly bruised and swollen etc. it's really been a difficult time having to work full time, run a house, pay all the bills , deal with the children ,etc. I'm on medication, and on 2 occasions had time of work as I found it all too much. Work also sorted out professional help for me via CBT. Which helped me understand a few things and deal with issues.
My question being, as we are so angry with each other, communication is zero from him, I get message via the children. Which is totally unacceptable. The financial side of the divorce divorce is being prepared and deal seems to be for me to stay in my home and the childrens, is I have to pay the debt, and give him 9000, he also keeps the vw van that we had as a family. I want no contact with him after the divorce and would like to find out if I can receive maintenance up front instead of on a monthly basis. I can never trust him again and would worry if it stopped. He lives with a woman who has no children of her own, but may want them in the future and where does that leave the 3 he already has.

I look forward to your reply,

Kerry
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Thank you for question.
Do you mean can you have the child maintenance up front?
Have you spoken to your solicitor about the contact issues?
Claire
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Yes, to have the maintenance up front.
I have spoken with the solicitor over the contact, but he says that I will always have issue, I have to put up with it, as my ex is that type of person, always putting himself first. He is due to have them on Saturday for the day, but yesterday, said he can't as he is going away with his girlfriend. I have to cancel an appt I made over a month ago and may also loose my money to a special deal spa afternoon made on groupon.
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
I am afraid that it is not possible for Child Maintenance to be paid up front in a lump sum - but if you do not wish to deal with him in the future you could consider involving the CSA.
Getting a pattern of contact abided by is always a problem - but one way is to set the pattern and make it plain that if he misses one it will not be replaced and he will not see the children until the next scheduled contact
Claire
Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 33311
Experience: I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
Clare and 3 other Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX I will look at the CSA, I did try in the past, and they didn't seem very helpful on the first call so I didn't take it further. But it seems so unfair that I have had to pay pay all the marital debt over the last 2 years and the mortgage. And now I have to pay off the remaining debt and give him 9000,00 when the children live with me. I want to keep the family home for our children sakes. He drives around in a flashy car, his girlfriends! wears designer clothes, goes on weekends away and then complains when boys have holes in their school trousers playing football.
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
So far as the capital settlement is concerned if you let me know what the Capital assets and debts are I will endeavour to comment
Claire
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Apologies, for not replying sooner.

House is worth around 140.000
Mortgage is about 88,000

Debt two years ago 18000.00 I've continued to pay these each month.

My ex husband gives me 400.00 each month for child maintence. This goes into my bank each month.

Thank you

Kerry
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Do you have any other savings?
Claire
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
No.
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Then why are you paying him anything at the moment?
Claire
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Clean break.
There has been lots of arguments, abuse from his entire family, threats. Police have been involved a number of times. I feel it would be best to have a clean break. He lives with his girlfriend and I no longer want him on the deeds to the house. He had no pension and one of the things he suggested was to keep his name on until my youngest reached 16 and then he would take a cut then as the house would be worth so much more. I on the other hand will have reached 60 and would not want to take out another loan to pay him of or move etc. I feel that a lot of the arguments on my side were due to the fact that I was responsible for all the debt. He just keeps mentioning all the hard work he has done on the 3 houses that we have lived in. He is not thinking about our children at all. If I moved now I could never afford a house like what I have now and being single would worry about we're I would live. My parents are not in the best of health and are eating older, it is important that they see that I settle and can manage to.
Kerry
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
In that case I can understand why you have opted for the Clean Break.
How much does he earn after tax?
Claire
Customer: replied 3 years ago.


im not sure, as we broke up he was also made redundant, which he knew about. he has a new job with Air bus, so i do not know what his salary is, but i beleive they pay well. he was bring home around about 230 per week before we split up, with his passion to watch Everton and make a day of it drinking too,this put stress on us. as i seemed to give up on things i enjoyed doing and he didnt and having 3 children I thought this to be very selfish.

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
He should be paying 25% of his net income as child maintenance - a little less if he has them overnight more than 52 nights a year.
This should be your guide for deciding whether or not to apply to the CSA
Clairee
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Thank you so much for this. I will check.


Your help has been most appreciated.


 


Take care.

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
You are most welcome - good luck
Claire

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