No legal contract is in place. We tried to agree times on a regular basis but he kept cancelling/changing. I took her to him on her birthday (3/3 this year) as he would not come and collect her in the morning and bring her back in the afternoon so I could have time with her. I had to drive to his and wait. He has seen her around 3 times this year because as I said he failed to be at his property when he said he would and she got upset on several occasions. He has not seen her or spoken since the 3rd march, I used to call so he could talk to her but he would ask me many personal questions...cause an argument and then suggest I was calling to spy on him. So my efforts to retain a good relationship have been futile. He is angry with me for not continuing to engage in a sexual relationship with him once I found out he lied about a number of things ..too many to list here (but age and status of relationship with woman he was living with were obviously big factors along with appearing on a dating website twice when I was pregnant.)Therefore he seems wants to make life difficult for me...actually said in a text. Which i think is silly because it will inevitably affect her.The constant mental torment and being messed around affecting my work and any possible attempt of a social life, upsetting my daughter aswell seems not to be worthwhile him visiting/me taking her to him.
There is no legal contract in place for contact. Just me agreeing to is irregular requests.
You will not be able to avoid him seeing the childand if you refuse point-blank, you will end up in court. You would always bebetter offering some contact. You should try to resolve using family medaition.http://www.familymediationhelpline.co.uk/find-service.php
Althoughit is quicker and less confrontational than court it isnt necessarily cheaper
If this fails then you can apply to the court for adefined contact order which will formalise arrangements.The necessary forms are available on the herehttp://www.thecustodyminefield.com/ .
Many mothers do simply withdraw contact (not recommended by me) in order toforce the father into action. If you do that, he is then faced with spendingmoney on solicitors and court as he will not get legal aid.
I also cannot advise you to threaten that although, many mothers do justthat.
What you can do is tell him that unless he toes the line and becomes morereliable, you will make an application to court to reduce contact to theminimum that the court thinks acceptable. What you can also do is tell him thatif he turns up to collect the child and he is late, you will not be in.Eventually, he will get the message.
That way, you are not withholding contact you are simply getting on withthings.
With regard to holidays, Christmas, et cetera the court is likely to awardevery other Christmas and every other holiday or suchlike.
Can I help further with regard to the above, because obviously, as youappreciate, there is no magic solution.
The effect of its unreliability on your daughter would have to have to beclear-cut and you would need evidence in that respect before a court would evenconsider withdrawing contact. It is most unlikely that would happen.
With regard to CSA: if his lifestyle is not consistent with his allegedincome, they are able to investigate it in depth, but I would not hold mybreath because they do tend to run after targets which don't move very quicklyand those which are easier to extract money from.
A friend of mine has children and their father has never paid a bean to themother in respect of their welfare or upkeep. His father died recently and lefthim substantial assets, but because he has no "income" and all his inheritedwealth is offshore they have done very little. He is a member of the mostexpensive golf club in the area, he is in a flying club and owns an aeroplane. Shehas provided all those details and photographs and a list of his variousmemberships, and still she has no money from him. I mention that merely toillustrate that although the CSA can investigate such matters, you would growold waiting.
Can I help further?
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Thank you law. unfortunately he is definitely a compulsive liar (I have witnesses as to what he has said and actually done) and therefore mediation is pointless as he just will agree to something and not stick to it. It is all very well saying 'if you're late I wont be in' I have tried that. It has been a constant battle and he has let me down when i have arranged to work. I did not want this to happen but he clearly does not care about the child ...it is reflected in all of his actions.I can not and do not want him ontrolling my life o her upseting her. i imagine court will be the final straw. I contacted the CSA to request no payment. It is not about the money it is about his constant lies and controlling behaviour. He is not prepared to take responsibilty in any way so why should such a person be allowed to be involved? he has had 4 years ,has given out of date milk, urinated in to a nappy to pretend he changed her will wake her up immediately if she s just fallen asleep and he is dropping her back (whereas I have sat in the car and waited beforeltomake sure she had her sleep... he uses her as plaything...and is totally irresponsible. I have had enough of him upsetting both of us. A court order will at least mean he takes it more seriously. If it means him spending money...at least it will prove he is bothered. As it stands he has exactly what he wants....nothing in his life has changed and everything in my life has. ..surely if he wants to be involved he should show some dedication. You have not mentioned the paternity test usually required for a court order? Particularly if I say I want no maintenance. The whole set up with his exes is ridiculous. He is lying to them and me and no doubt will lie to his daughter. He lies to everyone. I dont think she should be exposed to suchh a person. Obviously I did not know the extent of his problem only time has demonstrated. If he was diagnosed with an addiction of any other sort I am pretty sure access would be limited. You have said he can get access to see her but I have been told previously he can't as he is not named.on certificate. If it is to do with the money and if he is contributing then I just dont want it. I am a reasonable open minded understanding woman but he has just upset both of us too much. My friends and family think I have done far too much for him and he is ruining our lives. I wanted her to know and enjoy a healthy relationship with him....but he is incapable of being honest.
Unless paternity is an issue which it doesnt appear to be, then it isnt worth going there.
If he refuses, fatherhood is presumed.
He doesnt need to be on BC to get contact.
There is an answer waiting for you from a Professional.