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Ask Clare Your Own Question

Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 33027
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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Hello, I am undergoing a nasty divorce, I had to leave my

Customer Question


I am undergoing a nasty divorce, I had to leave my husband due to abuse and finally a rape, I asked my solicitor to add some grounds to unreasonable behaviour to our hearing, have my decree nisi due to unreasonable behaviour, he sent me back this comment that I feel belittles rape with in marriage - when I left my husbandm, he withdrew all funding (our children are privately educated and I have had to pay for everything since leaving in July 2012)

although the assault(rape) on you will have caused immense distress, it does not seem have prevented your working and is therefore probably not going to make much difference to the case even if established.

Are you able to give me your opinion, I have to go to London every day a 5 hour daily commute to earn enough to support my children.
I do plan to press charges after the hearing, but fely it stupid to do so beforehand as my husband is likely to be courtmarshalled because of it.

Thank you for your help

Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Stuart J replied 3 years ago.
Do you have a specific question?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

yes I sent it in, I have already been asked to pay for your answer?

Expert:  Stuart J replied 3 years ago.

The allegation, even if proved, will not appear to make any difference to
the outcome of the divorce or the finances.

Whilst I appreciate that this was a terrible experience, it will be your
word against his and it is unlikely that you would be able to produce enough
evidence for a jury to convict him beyond all reasonable doubt. I think it
unlikely that he will be prosecuted.

The legislation was enacted not to protect couples that were living
together but to prevent spouses who were estranged and could come back after
years of living apart and, before this legislation, could commit acts of rape
against their spouse with impunity.

I appreciate that this is not the answer you wanted but there is no point
in being misleading you.

Can I help further?

Please bear with me today because I am online and off-line. Please don't
forget to positively rate my answer service (even if it was not what you want to
hear). If you don't rate it positively, then the site keep your deposit and I
get 0 for my time. It is imperative that you give my answer a positive rating.
It doesn't give me "a pat on the head", "good boy" (like ebay), it is my

If in ratings you feel that you expected more or it only helped a little,
please ask.

Customer: replied 3 years ago.



This wasnt what I asked,


I think the comment from my solicitor was unethical - how can he assume my rape was "not that bad" as I managed to continue working.


I feel this is a disgusting comment to have made.


I had to work to pay for my children as my husband has decided to no longer support them - the fact that I would have preferred to have curled up in my bed and hidden from the world was not an option, we commited to school fees, I had to continue paying them alone.


Its the comment from my solicitore rather than if it will gain me more or less money - The money is irrelevent at this point, its the comment belittleing rape within marriage that I have a problem with , I fired him at this popint and now have a new solicitor.


Please may I have your thoughts?


Thank you



Expert:  Stuart J replied 3 years ago.

What your solicitor has said is that even if the allegation of rape was
proved, it would not make any difference to the finances because you carried on

You can always complain to the Complaints partner at the firm and to the
Solicitors Regulation Authority but to be frank, he is merely stating a fact
and not an opinion.

I'm sorry, but I cannot give you the answer that you appear to be wanting based
upon the fact that you give

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

That is what I am trying to do, I wanted an independent view. How can comment on a persons state of being after a rape because they continues to work? was I suposed to stay at home, and not work to pay for my childern.


I wanted an independent view.


You havent been able to give me that

Expert:  Stuart J replied 3 years ago.

I have given you an independent view. It is simply not the view that you

He is commenting on your emotional state, although the wording could
probably be better.

It would have been better if he had made it simply " it has not prevented
your working", however, rather than make that blanket statement some strange
reason he added the words in "it does not seem".

To be frank, I think it unlikely that you have much grounds for complaint.

I am not prepared to continue further because you have rated the service
bad because I cannot give you the answer that you want.

Sometimes in law, people are disappointed.

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I havent rated the service at all?


I thought I was still talking to you.


Thanks for nothing.


Expert:  Stuart J replied 3 years ago.

I got an email which gave me a bad rating. It must be a site glitch.

You are still talking to me. What further would you like to know?

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
I hope you will not mind me commenting
Although your solicitor could certainly have worded it better what he was trying to communicate is not that rape within marriage is not wrong - not I suspect that it was not traumatic - but that in terms of the financial settlement the allegation would not make a difference - but could make your ex fight the divorce itself since to admit it woudl have been admitting a criminal offence
The reason that he made that particular comment in that way is that case law says that for the violent behaviour of the respondent to effect the financial settlement it must have effected your capacity to work (as in the leading case where the assault left the wife in a wheel chair and unable to return to her profession)
So whilst you can certainly complain about his "bedside manner" and you have undoubtedly done the correct thing in changing to a solicitor who has more empathy and with whom you can establish a rapport - what the old solicitor wrote was stupid rather than unethical

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