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Ask Clare Your Own Question

Clare
Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 33310
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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Hi there, My ex has limited time with my daughter and has

Customer Question

Hi there,
My ex has limited time with my daughter and has refused in the past to help out with uniforms or just general care and reluctantly pays for a small amount of maintenance. He has never been around for my daughter and now is demanding that she stops over. She has never stopped over. Does he have any say over this?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Stuart J replied 3 years ago.
Thank you for your question here on Just answer. It is my pleasure to try and assist you with this today. Please bear with me if I need to ask for any further information from you in order for me to be able to advise you fully. My name is Law Denning and I am a practising solicitor. I have been an expert on this website in UK law since 2008. During that time, as you appreciate, I have answered thousands of questions from satisfied users on a variety of subjects.

Because we are all in practice with clients and court and other users, I might not always respond in minutes, particularly evenings and weekends. Please bear with me in that case. I will be online and off-line all day most weekdays and weekends.

Is there a court order here please?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
No but I want to get one. Particularly on his new wife that works in my daughters school and has been interferring with private matters with my daughter. School has been warned and she continues to ignore them
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
How old is your child and how much time does she actually spend with her father each week?
Has she ever stayed away from you before now?
How is her step mother interfering?
Claire
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
My daughter has just turned 5.
She spends 5/6 hours a week with him if that. This weekend he didn't turn up at all.
She has never been away from me at all.
Her now step mother turned up to her site and walked into the classroom and kissed and hugged her, which the other teachers found inappropriate. My daughter's teacher told her off later on and she did again. She also has been doing other stuff but will have to look at my diary to refer to dates etc
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Actually that is enough - good that the teachers are concerned as well
How often has her father seen her in the last three months - or rather how often has he cancelled
Claire
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Probably about 8 times. He has cancelled 4 5 times in the last month. This is just for the weekend afternoon btw. The evenings he just stopped as he has other things to do.
I have tried in the past to give him more opportunity to see her-like going out my way to arrange other times for him to see her but he has let me down on so many occasions. To a point he would turn his phone off and get aggressive.
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
So when did he ask for the overnight contact - and what has he actually asked for?
Claire
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
This morning. He hasn't asked. He has demanded it. He just said 'xxxxx will be stopping over one night this week. Decide which day?!'
He is still very abusive towards me after so many years
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Relist: Incomplete answer.
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Bless him.
I suggest that you write a polite letter (edit the first draft unless you are a saint) saying that until he is able to commit to contact on a regular basis then there can be no question of overnight contact happening
However if he is now willing to make the commitment then you are happy to discuss progressing to overnight contact at mediation
Might I suggest that you also warn the school not to allow step mother to remove her
If he does want overnight contact then he has to apply to the court - and the court will see the approach you have outlined above as utterly reasonable
I hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need further details
Claire
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Can I say no to him or is there some kind of order that stops him from having her overnight?
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
He has no absolute right to have her overnight so yes you can indeed say no you cannot have her overnight this week.
Contact is about what is right for the child - and going from erratic day visits to overnight at the start of the school term is not in her interests.
Yes her father asking overnight contact in itself is not unreasonable - but first he has to show that he is able to put the needs of the child first.
If he is not happy with the situation then he can apply to the court for a defined contact order - and will be told that he needs to build up to overnight contact by sticking to the existing arrangements and gradually extending them.
You can get more useful information on the website here
http://theparentconnection.org.uk/#
Claire
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Is there any type of contact order or residence order I can get in place for this situation?
Am I in the position to go for sole custody of my daughter with me allowing him to have my daughter on said visits?
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
You can apply for a Residence and Contact Order - but then you are making it easy for your ex to ask the court for what he wants as you will have paid the fee and started the process.
If he wishes to extend the contact then really he needs to either attend Mediation with you to discuss it - or make the application to the court himself
However if this is an option you wish to consider you can find the details here
http://www.cafcass.gov.uk/media/168195/cb7-eng.pdf
Claire

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