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Clare
Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 34277
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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I went to my solicitor to send a letter outlining my sons contact

Resolved Question:

I went to my solicitor to send a letter outlining my sons contact with his father 1 1/2 years ago which was one week day after school then every other Saturday from 2pm until Sunday 6pm. This has pretty much happened however my partner has always said he needs more access but has not done anything about this apart from mentally abuse me by text and e mail and in the last 6 months has been putting the pressure on our son to stay with him more. There also has been emotional distress to our sone with the father saying that Mummy is an alcoholic which is clearly untrue. However our son has been in a routine and has a lot of sports commitments that his Father refuses to take him too. He was due to go to his Dads last Saturday but I received an aggressive text two hours before I was due to drop him off saying to stay away from him, his family, girlfriend, home and office and that he was pursuing access through the court as I am mentally unstable and an alcoholic. My son then called him and left a message on his phone saying was he coming to his Dads that day and we hear nothing until 5 hours later on my voicemail screaming where was our son? He is now saying that he is going to take me to court for access but he has had access so I am very confused. I texted him saying that I was not prepared for him to carry on like this and that until we went to court or sought mediation it was best that our son stayed with me. I also said that I wanted this resolved as quickly as possible and have informed the school, police and social services on my actions. Could you advise me on what he can do as he clearly warned me by text to stay away and didnt not reply to our son. I think also he is very angry as the CSA have just contacted him. Thank you
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question. My name is XXXXX XXXXX I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
How old is your son?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Hi Clare,


 


My son has just turned 8 and his fathers name is XXXXX XXXXX birth certificate.


 


Zoë

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Are you in fact willing for the existing contact to continue
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I would be as I feel it is important for our Son to see his Dad but I think that mediation or a court agreement is needed first hence me stopping access after his text to me telling me to keep away. I do not contact him or anyone else at all. The reason for this is that he keeps saying things to my son which are untrue about me, telling my son that he hates my guts and that he needs more access. Aside from him texting me the last 6 months I have and others have witnessed the change in my sons behaviour towards me. I have informed the school of my decision who are supportive and have also contacted social services and the police to also tell them of my decision until he agrees to mediation or court so it is in writing. He did not respond to my solicitors letter 1 1/2 years ago outlining access which until now I have stuck to. He has also refused to take our son to any of his clubs and have said that I am not to arrange things for him on his weekends even though he is tied in with various clubs etc.

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
I appreciate how stupidly he has behaved but stopping contact at this stage will go against you in court.
At present you have done very thing correctly - despite his stupidity - and if he applies to the court he would have to justify whatever extra contact he is asking for
Given that he has not bothered to do anything about it until now the he may not bother
However when you stop contact then immediately you look bad whatever the provocation and it could well force him to make an application to the court - and to ask for more contact than he currently has - say from friday to monday alternate weekends plus half of the school holidays
I do agree that you should suggest a neutral hand over point and have a clear arrangement that if he is not there within fifteen minutes of the appointed time then you will leave.
You should also keep a separate sim card for his calls - and turn the phone off whenever possible
I appreciate that this is not what you wish to hear - but it is more likely to achieve what you actually want
Please ask if you need further details
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I don't think he will go for more access as the arrangement has been working for the last year and a half - and also on two occasions he has said he cannot afford to have him and once I actually bought them lunch and gave them food which is documented so I have never denied access until now when he is telling our son that mummy might die from drinking - this was told to my mother but our son. This is where after him telling me to go nowhere near him or his flat and not getting in touch after our sons message I felt enough was enough and we need mediation or court. He also has four children from a previous relationship that he does not see apart from one who occasionally makes contact.

 

 

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
I do understand that - which is why I think you need to make him work harder on collection etc - but stopping contact always looks bad unless there has been physical violence involved
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I had him evicted by the police for drug use and threatening suicide in front of me (not our son) for not leaving the home and me wanting to end our relationship. Our son witnessed threats and damaging my flat when he wouldnt leave. Since then it has been on and off through me trying to make things nice for our son with him but everytime it goes good he then shortly gets abusive. I understand about the separate phone and collection etc - he has now called 38 times - our son is playing currently with a friend. I have just texted him mediation or court as I want to sort this out. Many thanks

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Neither you nor your son need this.
Do not respond to any further calls and report the harassment to the police
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Many thanks - I have reported to police and have contacted a mediation organisation to attend with or without the ex.

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
I hope all goes well
Clare
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