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Clare
Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 33290
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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please can you advise me

Customer Question

please can you advise me , I have two lovely children boy age 8 and girl age 6years 6month.I am the named father on their birth certificates however I have never been married to their mother. our relation ship has always been on and off and my parents have cared for my children since they have been born at least 5 out of seven days and nights a week and in every financial way , this has always been encouraged by their mother ,  even though she denies that now . Every Illness my children have had from chicken pox , sick bugs to scarlet fever they have been with my parents  Now we have separated for good since August 2013 due to an incident that has made it impossible for me to go back, their mother is controlling everything , she works full time and my parents and I have the children for her to do so but mostly my parents as I also work. Their mum will not communicate respectfully XXXXX XXXXX all with my parents and changes shifts and demands the children home when things are planned .I have recently booked to take the children away for a night with family at a time when I have them for two days and night due to her work and social life the children are very excited and there mother is telling them they are not going , I am sick and horrified with what she is saying to the children and I am worried psychologically what it is doing to them , we are constantly comforting them and reassuring them ,I feel my son is frightened of his mother and rarely wants to go back , my daughters behaviour is often uncontrollable at their mums home and I receive calls from their mum for support ie wont get in car to go to school as she wants sweets !  Have I got the right to take my children out or keep them with me for an extra night if they don't want to go home ?and can I take them away for a night even if their mum says no? I have not seeked any legal advice as yet but for the children's sake I feel I may need to do so . I was hoping her negative controlling would reduce but its just getting worse . please advise what I can do for the best interest of my children ,the school is aware there is a problem and is confidentially keeping my mother their Nan informed as they have only ever built a relation ship up with her due to until very recently there has been no input from their mum and this is now being done for the wrong reasons as their mum would rather the children miss out at school than pass on information , their best interest is far from her thoughts , it empowers her to keep myself and especially my parents in the dark but it is only really hurting my children . Please advise what I can do for the children's sake .     Thank You

Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
My name is XXXXX XXXXX I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
May I just check - do you live with your parents as well?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
No , I live the next road away in one of my parents shared rented properties .
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
If the children live with you will you be able to manage?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Yes with the support of my parents , the same as the children's mum as she would not be able to work without the support of my parents . However there mum would never allow that . Can you ease let me know what rights I have and am I able to say I am taking them away for a night or if they don't want to go back for a night have I got the right to say to their mum that they are staying or do we all have to be controlled by what ever suits her rightly or wrongly even if is not in the children's best interest ? As at the moment she is dictating to my parents and me and there is never any compromise , it is like all our lives are controlled by her and we can never plan anything without pain being put on the children hence they are being told by there mum that she isn't allowing me and the family take the children to a hotel to see Father Christmas as my parents have done every year yet their mum is working and going out the time I have picked to take them away so that it doesn't inconvenience her plans in any way . But in her mind we are all just supposed to cancelled it and just sit at home with the children while she is working
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Just to check - how many nights a week do the children spend with you?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
They spend most of the time at my parents where I look after them as well . Up until sept they spent at least 5 days & night at my parent , now their mum is using them as a way to control everyone it is about half & half now but all on her terms my parents can't plan anything until the children's mum passes her shifts on which again myself and my mum has to ask for about two weeks before e their mum will let us have them , it is anything to control and cause others stress she plays games with the children too and depending on her mood she disappoints them constantly by saying they are not going somewhere that they are looking forward to . This is why I need to know have I got any say and rights to do anything about this ?
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
YOu have Parental Responsibility for your children and whilst they are in your care it is entirely up to you what you do with them - provided you keep them safe
Your children are entitled to contact with both parents - and this is something that has to be agreed by you both - not just imposed by your ex
However that does not mean that you can just keep them an extra night - you need to have an agreed pattern of shared care so that you and your parents and the children know where they will be and when.
You should try and discuss this with your ex using Family mediation (www.familymediationhelpline.co.uk)
If that fails then you should apply to the court for a shared residence order which you are clearly entitled to
You can find more information on these websites
http://theparentconnection.org.uk/
http://www.cafcass.gov.uk/media/168195/cb7-eng.pdf
Please ask if you need further details
Clare
Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 33290
Experience: I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
Clare and 2 other Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Please can you tell me if I have equal responsibility as their mum or not ?
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
As I said you BOTH have parental responsibility and there is no grading involved - you both stand equal
Clare

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