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Clare
Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 33275
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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Hi. I have a consent order to see my daughter on a regular

Customer Question

Hi.

I have a consent order to see my daughter on a regular pattern which was granted in December 2012. However we are almost at Christmas and her mother is being as unhelpful and unreasonable as ever. We agreed in the consent order that any extra contact would be as agreed between the parties. Police have been involved because we play tennis games worth of email contacts and she is trying to play the harassment card once again. How can I enforce the consent order; or at least make her be reasonable to let me see my daughter on a more regular basis over Christmas? Are my parents entitled to file a separate case against my daughter's mother? Surely they too must have rights. I'm really at the end of my tether. It has come to the point now where it is physically and emotionally upsetting that she just won't see eye to eye with me and able to negotiate and be flexible; yet expects that from me. I'm really worried that this may be affecting my daughter at home as her mother has a very strict temperament and I am certain that my daughter is scared of her. What can I do? I'm banging my head against brick walls. I just feel as if there is nothing I can do and that the law simply plays into a mothers' hands. Every child deserves to see their father as much as possible!
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare and I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
What is the contact pattern ordered by the court?
What Christmas contact forms part of the order
What further contact do you want?
Why can your parents not share your contact?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Hi Clare.


 


Thank you for your reply.


 


The contact pattern as ordered by the court states as follows:


 


During term time, every other weekend from 615pm on Saturday to 8pm on Sunday, beginning on 22nd December 2012. During school holidays from Friday at 9am to Sunday at 8pm. Any other such contact as agreed between the parties; which isn't happening. In the recital, it also states that in February 2013, upon reading a letter from my solicitor, a review would be made of the contact arrangements to enable me to have my daughter from Friday after school to Sunday evening at 8pm every other weekend, instead of just through the holidays; again this hasn't happened. Instead, my daughter is taking dance classes on Saturday mornings which I understand.


 


Christmas contact in the order was only agreed for Christmas 2012, and again states that any future Christmas contact would be agreed between the parties; which isn't being done. Its her way or the highway.


 


I would like to see my daughter on Christmas day and I think she is entitled to see her father. I have even offered to pick her up later in the day at 6pm but her mother just will not budge. Also, contact has been offered from New Year's Eve to 2pm on New Year's Day. We can't even have lunch together with my family. I'm really worried because it's been almost two years my daughter is caught between us and is being ferried left right and centre. It's really difficult. Also below I have copied and pasted the most recent contact e-mails sent between us removing names and replacing them with Father, Mother and A (my daughter).


 


 


Sent this evening (29/11/13) from Father to Mother


 


Dear Mother,


I have not yet received a reply to my previous email (below) to you regarding confirmation of contact dates with A. I can confirm that all dates and times for contact as set out in your email below are fine; save for New Year’s Day. I was hoping I could return A for 7pm as normal enabling us to have our lunch together. I hope this is agreeable.


Regards,


Father.





From: Father

Sent: Friday, November 22, 2013 1:11 PM

To: Mother

Subject: Re: A - contact











Dear Mother,


Thank you for your e-mail setting out the dates and times A is available during the Christmas period. I thought it might be easier if i made notes in an alternate colour (Blue) in your e-mail set out below.


Regards,


Father.







From: Mother

Sent: Tuesday, November 19, 2013 9:05 PM

To: Father

Subject: A - contact







Dear Father,


Please find to follow A's current available contact dates.

All dates are subject to change due to A's social and educational commitments should A choose to be included in any additional activities or events. I will endeavour to facilitate additional contact where possible at all times.


Friday 29th November - collect from school return @ 7pm. – As agreed.

Saturday 7th December - collect @ 6pm.

Sunday 8th December - return @ 2pm to home or @ 2.30pm to Way Village Chapel. (you are welcome to join the Christmas service) – It’s a shame our weekend will be cut short. Perhaps we could collect A after the Service at home to go out for dinner, returning her home at 7pm?


Friday 13th December - change of additional contact due to after school choir and school disco. – Noted.

Aria could be available for alternative additional contact on Friday the 20th December to be collected from school and returned home at 7pm. – Additional contact on the 20th of December would be fab!


Saturday 21st December - A to be dropped at your family home, time tbc. – Noted.

Monday 23rd December - return @ 7pm. – Noted.


Thursday 26th December - collect @ 10am.

Friday 27th December - return at 7pm. – I feel saddened that you have offered additional Christmas contact for just one evening. Is there the possibility of collecting A at 5/6pm on 25th December perhaps and return A home for 7pm on the 27th December?


Tuesday 31st December - collect @ 10am. – Noted.

Weds 1st January - return @ 2pm. – Returning A at home at 2pm means we will not be able to enjoy a Family New Year lunch; and therefore would you consider A being returned home for 7pm?


Friday 3rd January - collect @ 9am. – Noted.

Sunday 5th January - return @ 7pm. – Noted.


I feel A should be returned at 7pm now A is of school age. – I note this, and will endeavour to return her home for 7pm unless otherwise agreed beforehand.


Yours Truly,

Mother.









 


 


I look forward to your reply.


 


Many Thanks.


 

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
When was the last mediation?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
The last mediation was last year at some point however I decided not to go through with it due to having to pay both my costs and my ex partners at £200/hr each and to be frank, it's not an avenue that would work knowing how she is. It's a tough one.
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Sadly the only way to resolve this is to vary the Order.
It shouldn't be - your ex should be able to behave like a reasonable parent - but clearly she cannot
You need to at least try the mediation - she should pay her own side - if she refuses then fair enough- but them I am afraid that your are going to have to apply to the court to extend your current hours and set the holiday contacts in stone
Your ex needs someone to tell her that in fact the child's relationship with you comes before Dance Class or other commitments - and it will be for you to decide what the child does in what will have to be decreed as "your"time
I wish there was a better way - but sadly it appears not
More details on these websites - although I suspect it will need a court application
http://theparentconnection.org.uk/
http://www.cafcass.gov.uk/media/168195/cb7-eng.pdf
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I'm just worried that this will all go back to the start and have to go through the whole procedure again. So in summary Christmas with my daughter is out of the question and the only way I'm going to be able to solve this is through the courts? What are the chances that the current contact hours are extended? Do you think that they will view me favourably? When we first went to court the judge made it sound as if though I were to step out of line, there would be consequences but I want nothing more than just to be able to see my daughter and spend time with her. A very confusing system.

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
I am afraid that it is unlikely to be resolved for this Christmas - and yes I think your contact will be extended - and that your ex will find that she is the one facing the warnings
Clare

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