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Ask Clare Your Own Question

Clare
Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 33318
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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My ex partner is threatening me all the time with a solicitor

Customer Question

My ex partner is threatening me all the time with a solicitor he sends me the initial letter and hasnt taken it any further he cant afford it for one, he doesnt even work! How much to court costs mount upto normally in the UK I am in South Wales! how does it all work I am not answering letters as i dont want him in her life he scares her and has been abusive to me over the years the reason we are no longer together! Can this take a long time solicitor wise??
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
How old is the child and when did her father last see her?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.


She is 6 on 15th Feb, she doesnt want to go with him and he has never played a big role in her life but suddenly wants to play super daddy at her expense, it would upset and devastate her emotionally to be made to go anywhere with him and he knows this!


 


He last seen her about 2 months ago and that was breifly!

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Why would it cause her distress to have contact?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.


she is very close to me he wasnt around when she was born so we have always had that close bond, but even to be left with him for a matter of 5 mins would distress her the thought of me leaving her with him just upsets her she has never stayed with him in anyway even if he was in my house and I only went upstairs she would panic being left with him, she has witnessed him shouting nastlily at me he has reduced her to tears with fright when he has shouted in the past he is just not a good person and has never played a father role so she doesnt feel comfortable with him in any way! but like my family she will stay will any of them just not him!

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Can you reply?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Relist: Other.
Still waiting for answer
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi Melissa
I am so sorry for the delay - a glitch in the system meant it fell off my list.
Looking at the last year how often has he seen her - and for how long each time?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
In the last year he has seen re about 4 times
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
For how long each time - and what is he actually asking for?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
An hour if that, he just keeps sending me solicitors letters and saying he wants to see her but she don't want to upsets her at the thought and he can't expect to come to my house
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
I have a mixed bag of news for you
I am afraid that your ex can indeed keep getting solicitors to write to you about this and there is nothing you can do to stop him.
However since Legal Aid is no longer available for such cases the matter is unlikely to move forward unless your ex decides to make the court application himself - the fee is £215 - less if he is in receipt of benefits.
Whether he will ever be willing to make that effort is something that you are better placed to guess than I am.
However I am afraid that if he does make the application then he is likely to be successful in getting a contact order of some sort - most likely in a local contact centre where he woul dhav eto prove his commitment to contact by turning up once a fortnight and actually spending time with his daughter
Contact in your home would NOT be ordered.
I appreciate that this is bad news - but the fact is that your daughter does have to spend time away from you sometimes and the court will wish her to be given a chance to learn not to be afraid of her father - while at the same time keeping both of you safe.
One option to keep him away from your door and see how realistic he is would be to offer to discuss matters with him using Family mediation (www.familymediationhelpline.co.uk)
If he refuses, of having been offered contact at a contact centre rejects it - or drops out - you can then sit back secure in the knowledge that if he does decide to apply to court he will get nothing more than that.
As I said a mixed bag of news for you - please ask if you need further details
Clare

Customer: replied 2 years ago.


Ok I know I cant stop him sending the letters but doesnt he have to try other things that cost money before applying to the court I though this was a last resort, so what if I made things diffivult for him like sending all letters back saying I didnt live at the address or saying he isnt the biological father what kind of expenses would that entail then?


 


I though court was a last option doesnt he have to try other things before being aloud to apply to a court and what about solicitors fees on top of that?


 


I am also 3 months pregnant and this is casuing me massive stress and raised bloodp ressure which is a danager to me and my baby can I not stop him putting me through such stress at a importnant time!!

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Relist: Other.
waiting time!
Expert:  Jo C. replied 2 years ago.
Hi.

Thank you for your question. My name is XXXXX XXXXX I will try to help with this.

I can confirm that the answer you have had is correct.

I'm really sorry but I'm afraid that if he applies to court then he will get contact with his child as she has a right to contact with her father and your wishes will not be considered.

Also, to be wholly honest, its not a good idea to deny contact. The Court is likely to take the view I'm afraid that you are the cause of her reluctance to see her father since its rare for such a young child to take that view.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.


No her view is this cause he has bever taken an interest in her before he is doing it now to prove a point!


 


Can the questions I asked above be answered please?

Expert:  Jo C. replied 2 years ago.
I'm really sorry to have to tell you this but 6 year old children do not take the view that their father has never bothered with them before so should not now without being prompted.

I understand your frustration with him but he will get access to her if he is intent and the more you resist the more you are likely to be seen as the problem.

He won't need to pay solicitor's fees. He can do this unrepresented and the will win. Its a very informal application.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Relist: Answer quality.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.


Well I can ensure you that is her views kids aint stupid they know who are in their lives and who are not she witnessed him pack and walk out and a 6 year old has seen him verbally attack me made her cry in fear so yes I am sorry these are her views she doesnt need any convincing otherwise its whats she has witnessed over the years, my questions were still not answered that I asked above???

 

He has also had alot of issues in the past with trying to kill himself, driving his car through a library wall, not someone I find safe or in a right state of mind to have my child!

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
My apologies for the delay - I have been in court today.
I am afraid that since you have not replied to the solicitors letters and you have not agreed to go to mediation then his only option is court and he can apply whenever he wishes.
I am afraid that the fact that you are pregnant will not make any difference at all.
I am also afraid that at 6 your daughters views will not be seen as decisive as she is still of an age where she reflects the views of those adults who she knows and loves - this does not mean that she does not hold those views (nor that she is not right to do so) - just that the court will not see her views as being conclusive
Clare

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