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Clare
Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 34589
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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Hi all my wife an I separated just over a year ago, since then

Resolved Question:

Hi all my wife an I separated just over a year ago, since then she has been threatening not to let me see our children, every time we have any sort of communication it will end in her being vitriolic, the last time I had them, I was returning them home when I had a call from her telling me she didn't want them anymore and I was to look after them from now on, this was as a result of her splitting with her boyfriend again, so I took the children home for bed time, one to check she was ok and secondly to try and keep the children as settled into their routine as possible, this ended with her walking out the front door attacking my car causing damage that has to go through the insurance etc, no to get to the point I am fed up of her threatening me with never seeing the children, she still lives in the house with everything that has always been there, given me nothing and is also trying to force me to sign the house over to her with the same threats. Is their anything I can do to stop this as I have had enough of this behaviour. I do not know where to start.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
How old are the children and what contact do you have with them?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
My children are 2,6,9 I get to see them two weekends per month, I have asked for more but been denied, so I have to use FaceTime via my iPhone or text messages and hope they get them.
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
What contact have you asked for?
How much is the house worth and how much is outstanding on the mortgage?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I have asked to see them for one night per week too, but at the moment she tells me she hates me seeing them at all. The mortgage is around 135, the value of the house is approx 185. I have asked her for enough to put a deposit on a small house for me somewhere for me to have the children but she will not agree to this either. It all seems very one sided, I have done nothing to her other than move to her mothers to stop the violence towards me from her, then within two months her boyfriend started staying there, it was at this point she was demanding I sign the house over to her as she wanted to remortgage. Initially I put a 50k deposit on this house from the sale of mine but we worked as a couple with bills etc as she was bringing up the children etc she was also very controlling with the finances so I wasn't aware of what was being spent or If she took any further loans out etc I can say she's bought a very expensive car recently. But as I stated previously I have asked for 10k and she can have the house, her response to this is I'm giving you nothing. I have also had to furnish a rented house as she wouldn't give me anything from the family home either.
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
What income do you each have?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I earn £25,850 per annum I do not know what she earns, I can say I pay her 450 per month then pay half towards after school clubs, weekend clubs also if any of the children go on trips etc I will give half if I'm asked, I also by them cloths etc
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
HI
Why do you think that she can afford to remortgage the property and pay you anything?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I have not asked her to remortgage or by me out of the property, she is insisting I sign the property over to her as she keeps telling me she wants to remortgage and take my name off it, she has also told me if I do not then she'll stop me from seeing the children. I have said to her that she would have to be able to afford the mortgage before she could remortgage but she is very enigmatic with what she earns and her finances, as I said earlier she is very controlling when it comes to finances so I think she'll be very much aware if she can afford to. Catherine my wife (ex) is very Machiavellian by nature and will not be forthcoming with her personal information unless it suites her wants. I have a suspicion that she will not remortgage by herself. I know this may sound paranoid but I can only go on the past ten years we were together, she keeps pushing for me to remove myself from the mortgage so I can only assume she can afford it. It may help to point out she works as a physiologist for the nhs
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
I can understand your concerns.
Are you planning to start divorce proceedings?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I think it's probably something I need to think about if I'm honest as I think it's gone past the point of return. I was trying to find out where I stand before I take any action, but action is inevitable for the sake of all concerned.
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Just for clarity - does her new partner live at the property?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I am not sure, he spends a lot of time there but from a legal stance I'd say no.
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
If you had the children midweek could you manage the school run.?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
If I picked them up from home one day then dropped them off at school the next morning yes, I've even asked if I could even have them for a couple of hours of a weekday evening but this has been rejected to as I would find it difficult to pick them up from school, I just keep hitting an uncompromising brick wall, if I'm honest my wife was extremely controlling with me in every aspect, work, finances, dress, friends, family etc yet if I asked her where she was going I was being controlling, it was impossible, it still is regarding any conversation or trying to resolve anything rationally, it's very much her way or not at all. I have a feeling even if I had a court order for access etc she would ignore. I'm not sure what I can do about it. Her parents a scared to confront her or upset her in anyway or she stops them from seeing the children too.
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
There are two issues here.
The first is the children
The law says that child is entitled to regular contact with both parents and the courts will enforce this if necessary.
Alternate weekend contact plus one night in the week is not unreasonable - but you would be expected to make provision for after school care if you did want mid week contact over night.
You can discuss this with your ex using family mediation ( www.familymediationhelpline.co.uk) but if she will not agree the you can apply to the courts for a shared residence order which can then be enforced if she does not abide by it.
With regard to the house you will not be able to force a sale until your ex definitely cohabits - or your youngest child turns 18
At that point your ex may get 60% of the equity - but certainly not 100%
I hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need further details
Clare
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