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Clare
Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 34106
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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My ex-partner is restricting access to my son due to a her

Resolved Question:

My ex-partner is restricting access to my son due to a her perception that I may pose to his safety.

10 years ago she found that I had been searching for and looking at semi-pornographic images of children on the Internet.

This was due to an escalation in my general Internet porn usage, I now recognise that I was out-of-control and addicted.

At the time we worked through it together, and went on to have a son. When my son was one year old she decided it was time for me to move out, and although I hadn't looked at a single pornographic image since her discovery she 'didn't trust me any longer.'

Once I had moved out she started to impose a chaperone rule on my visits with my son, this was 8 years ago, and is still in place to this day. I visit once every couple of months, I have since moved away from where they live and visiting is expensive and time-consuming. Due to the illegal nature of my actions I haven't pushed this situation until now, but enough is enough. She is pushing me to attend counselling with her but I am wary of the legal implications of doing so.

I wasn't aware at the time that I was addicted to pornography, but as the intervening years have passed I have come to recognise the symptoms I displayed at the time as those of an addict. Hiding my behaviour, feeling insecure, becoming increasingly solitary, feeling out-of-control, denial, escalation of behaviour to the point it was at when I was 'found-out'.

I now feel ready to face the truth and try to regain her trust, and hopefully a better relationship with my son. I see that as part of the re-development of communication channels that I need to show her that I have actively sought support from a professional counsellor. I no longer crave porn and am in a very loving relationship with a lady who is fully aware of the whole back-story.

I am very wary of opening up to strangers for fear of the legal consequences of doing so. I am in a stable job, have loads of friends and a very active social life, I don't want to loose all that I have built up in the subsequent years since the break-up of my relationship with my son's Mother but at the same time I am keen to see how I can make the situation better as it is now becoming intolerable for all concerned.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
have you actually sought help on the issue?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Hi Clare -


 


Yes. I sought legal advice approximately 5 years ago and was advised to attempt joint counselling with my ex-partner. We did start down this road but due to me being unable to fully explain what I had done to either the solicitor or the counsellor (I was/am very afraid of the consequences of telling the whole story in relation to the web content I looked at) it all fell down.

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
That sounds like mediation with regard to contact
What counselling have you had with regard to the internet issues?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

None. I am open to this option if necessary.

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
That is where you need to begin
Once you have addressed this issue then you can enter into mediation with your ex to increase the time that you spend with your son - and then if the matter is raised you will be able to prove that you have dealt with the risks that that could have posed
Until you HAVE dealt with it then I am afraid that there is little chance of contact being extended
Please ask if you need further details
Clare
Clare and other Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I understand that counselling is the way forward.


 


What I need to understand is that what I discuss with a counsellor, or indeed a solicitor, will remain confidential. I don't want this to escalate to the point where I get prosecuted for my actions of 10 years ago.


 


I need a conclusive answer before I can feel confident to proceed.


 


Thanks

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
HI
This is not about the contact issue
This is about the confidentiality of the contract between you and the Counsellor
Provided nothing that you disclose shows a specific Safe guarding risk to a specific child then you have no cause for concern
Clare