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Jo C.
Jo C., Barrister
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 69268
Experience:  Over 5 years in practice
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me and my wife have hung about with my sister and her husband

Customer Question

me and my wife have hung about with my sister and her husband for over 30 years,
around 8 years ago my sister said people at her work were saying she was having an affair with her boss, people were also saying this to her 19 year old son, he said he had heard about it for a while so he tackled his mum who subsequently threw him out, he went to live at our mums for the next 2 years and my sister fell out with my mother for taking him in, all this time my sister was confiding in us and was very upset, a year later my sister said she and her boss were receiving letters at work ref this affair, she was very upset denied it and said they both knew the person at work who was sending them, we both advised her to go to the police of which she wouldn't, a year later my sister told my wife that she had been having an affair with her boss for a lot of years, my wife told me, we both supported her and offered advice aswell as saying that she'd denied it all these years threw her son out and fell out with me mother and now we'd have to lie to her husband, we said we wouldn't mention a word to anyone but said if she realy wanted to make a go with her husband then she should think about leaving her job, she said she couldn't leave her job and said that she couldn't gurantee that if she stayed the affair wouldn't continue, we continued to support her and socialise with her, her husband and family, a year later a day before my sisters husbands 50th birthday party my sister rang me and shouted and cursed at me then said me my wife and my 2 teenage children were no longer allowed to go to the party, i asked why and she wouldn't give a reason, i said we'd be going and we'll see them there, she said she wold cancel it, we turned up at the venue and the manager said she had rang up and cancelled, i later learnt they went elswhere, from that day on my sister and her husband have refused to communicate with me my wife and children, however we have continued to communicate with thier two sons and tried to communicate with them aswell as sending cards on all occasions, they have both changed their phone numbers, my sister has been telling everyone that the reason they fell out with us was because my wife betrayed her, which was not true, during all this time i have heard through my mother ( as my sister has got back in friends ) that my sister and the man she works with have been getting letters and texts ref their affair, last christmas i noticed my mother was very quiet and upset, she told me that my sisters son the one she had put up had rang her and asked her to do something and when she got upset and refused he said she would not see him and his 1 year daughter again, my mother would not tell us what he said but told us that my sister had stopped speaking to her again. Yesterday my mother told us that my sister had still not been in contact since before christmas and decided to tell me and my wife that he said i was the one that had been sending the letters and texts all these years, he had evidence and she had to tackle me about it, my mother asked about the evidence of which he didn't have and she said she would not tackle me as it was untrue and if he had any evidence then he should ring me himself, he said it is all in the hands of the police.

I have said to my wife and mother if it is all been in the hands of the police for the last 5/6 months and they have evidence that its me then why have the police not contacted me. I have also said i will go to the police my self and let them have access to any of my phone records, my home, computer and laptop as i have not done anything, i also said i will take legal advice and i will then let my sister and her son ( whom has continued to talk to me, text me and meet me thou he does not know my mother told me what he said ) know that i have done this.
The botXXXXX XXXXXne is my wife, me and my children have not done anything and we are getting blamed for allsorts.

The only crime we committed was been good family and good friends.

Sorry about the long story, however my questions are

Should they be able to make these accusations about my wife ref the betrayal

Should they be able to make these accusations about me ref the letters and texts

Am i allowed to go to the police to offer my services against these accusations, will they be interested or am i been very stupid by going to them both from a legal point of view or a stupidity point of view

Are the police just going to tell me not to waist their time as i do realise there is real issues out there.

Many thanks XXXXX
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Jo C. replied 2 years ago.

Thank you for your question. My name is XXXXX XXXXX I will try to help with this.

I'm sorry if I'm missing the point but what crime do you want to report ?

Or has been reported?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.


I am saying my sisters son has sad i to my mother that i am the one who has been sending the letters and texts and they have put it in the hands of the police.


Hence my question about me going to the police my self and assisting them


Expert:  Jo C. replied 2 years ago.

1 Have you been sending them?

2 Are you on a contract phone or pay as you go?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

No I have not been sending the letters.


I am on phone contract, same number for the last 20 years

Expert:  Jo C. replied 2 years ago.
Are the texts anything to do with you?

Do you know if the letters are handwritten?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

the text are to do with my sister and her affair not me


I think the letters are typed via computer


In all this time even when my sister was in friends with us she never showed us the letters or texts even thou we asked

Expert:  Jo C. replied 2 years ago.
No, but if the allegation is that you are the sender then they will not be on your phone?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

The allegation is i'm the sender of the texts and the letters


They are not on my phone or on my computer.


They say they have put me in the hands of the police about 5/6 months ago.


Should i go to the police myself and offer my assistance ie my phone, my computer

Expert:  Jo C. replied 2 years ago.
No, there's no point in that. The onus is upon the Crown to prove what they allege and, as a matter of policy, we do not walk into police stations with our hands in the air.

In any event, though there is no point here. The police will not be in a position to accept your offer unless there is actually a warrant for your arrest and if there were then they would have contacted you.

It would be nice if we lived in a world where the police were free to refuse to become involved in this type of family nonsense. However, they are not. If they do make a report to them then they will have to investigate it.

They will not just come round and arrest you upon the mere allegation that they believe you to be responsible. There will need to be some evidence that links to you.

If they do though, that is the time to co-operate. For an offence of this kind usually they will just leave a message to call them and you can make an appointment to go in voluntarily.

Its quite unlikely that they did make this report six months ago. Its really difficult to tell what actual crime is being committed here. It could amount to harassment or malicious communication. Either way they are all summary only offences and they have to be prosecuted within 6 months.

Most likely they have not made a report or they have made a report and the police have taken the view that its not in the public interest.

Hope this helps. Please let me know if you need more information.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

hi, i do agree with you that this is family nonsense

however a very serious allegation has been made about me and i have been told i have been reported to the police. I no we don't hold our hands up, i was suggesting i do this, a) to prove i am innocent b) to give access to my records and c) to show my sister and her son that i'm not worried about them reporting me to the police as i have not done anything.


Also should people be allowed to go around telling everyone that i am sending nasty texts and letters to people, this can not be right

Expert:  Jo C. replied 2 years ago.
I'm sorry if I'm missing the point but what is the very serious allegation?

I'm sure its my fault but I'm at a loss to see it at the moment.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

no its my fault i must be stupid.


The allegation is that i am sending the nasty texts and letters and i have been reported to the police and my sister and her son are telling people this


Hence why i wanted to go in and prove its not me

Expert:  Jo C. replied 2 years ago.
Ok. That is nothing even remotely like a very serious allegation. It is one of the most minor allegations that I can imagine.

I do realise that its the type of thing that is important to families but its not really something that the criminal justice system should be spending the money of honest taxpayers upon.

The simple truth is this. The reason you want to go down there is emotional bascially. Its very tempting to go charging down to a police station and get it all over with. Of course, that is why this domestic squabbling should be in the family court but there you have it. We all have these rows. We don't all invite the police along to act as a referree.

However, from a criminal defence point of view its much better to do nothing. They are probably time barred now anyway if there is an allegation against you. If they are not time barred then the worst that will happen is that they will invite you in for interview and then you can explain.

The problem here is this. The fact that there are no letters on your PC does not prove you haven't sent them. The fact that there are no texts on your phone does not prove you haven't sent those. There is very rarely evidence that can prove a negative. The fact that an officer checks over your phone and doesn't actually find these texts does not mean that the Crown will accept that you havent' sent them necessarily so it won't all go away in one interview.

Of course, the practical reality is that without evidence that you have sent them they will not get this into court but thats their problem.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

ok thanks for your time


Can you just explain what time barred is.


And as a point a big reason i was going to the police station to assist is that i run a business from home in a reasonable small community and i did not want police coming to my house taking my phone and computer, it would damage my reputation and people think allsorts

Expert:  Jo C. replied 2 years ago.
Out of time to prosecute. Not within 6 months of the alleged offence.

I do realise that it would be damaging to your reputation but the problem is that you don't really deal with that by doing to the police station now.

Certainly if they phone you and invite you in then you should go.

You could always phone the constabulary and ask if there are any warrants out of your arrest and agree an appointment to attend voluntarily but I will be amazed if any exist.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

ok i understand


So the police will not just turn up and take my phone and computers away over this issue

Expert:  Jo C. replied 2 years ago.
They could seize your phone and computer but its not likely that they would do that by just attending at 7am one morning when you have other plans.

The problem is that even if you surrender voluntarily they will still seize these items as they are relevant to the offence.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

the botXXXXX XXXXXne is, am i reading way to much into this, am i watching to much TV and have the police got way to much important things to do and spend money on

Expert:  Jo C. replied 2 years ago.
No, unfortunately they haven't got more important things to do.

There's not much serious crime in the UK. Obviously there are victims of crime and victims of crime. If a person has their car broken into then its not a very serious crime but its understandable that they want to report it.

When you go down the road of domestics, or harassment or often sexual offences and variations thereof most reports to the police involve the most mindless trivia. If you need to be convinced then try googling the most ridiculous 999 calls or words to that effect. That type of thing is not rare. Its more common than a genuine complaint in the public interest.

The problem is that its free to call the police and nobody values a free service. If people had to pay a sum that is refundable upon consideration of whether the report is merited they would think a lot more.

I really struggled with this in the beginning of my career but I have now come to accept that most family disputes that are reported to the police involve two childish people who are just not mature enough to sort their rows out. We all have these rows and they are very often over childish issues. We don't all think that will interest the emanations of the state.

If the matter is reported to the police then they will have to investigate because its a domestic and in the 1970s domestic violence wasn't dealt with.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

i am sorry to waste your time over such childishness


Family disputes can be about one childish person not wanting to communicate & sort things out.


My wife and i have always tried to communicate and have left all lines of communication open, but we cannot force them to communicate.


I thank you very much for your help


I will rate to finish on your reply

Expert:  Jo C. replied 2 years ago.
Its not your fault. You are not the one reporting this or claiming to have done so.

We all have family rows and they are often very childish. We don't all invite the police along to supervise.

You have done everything you can. You cannot do anything that will turn an unreasonable person into a reasonable one.

Jo C., Barrister
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 69268
Experience: Over 5 years in practice
Jo C. and other Law Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Jo C. replied 2 years ago.

Thank you for the positive rating and remember that I am always available to help with your questions. For future information, please start your question with ‘FOR JO C’. You can also bookmark my profile

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