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Jo C.
Jo C., Barrister
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 70009
Experience:  Over 5 years in practice
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My eldest daughter has been extremely malicious to me (her

Customer Question

My eldest daughter has been extremely malicious to me (her mother).I refused to give her £10k towards a deposit for a house. I would have had to sell my home to do it,I have been more than generous supporting her through university, bought her two cars, paid for holidays (long haul) etc. whilst I was a widow and also from her stepdad of 8 years.Now she is qualified and has been promoted. I am very proud. But she has taken a very wicked turn. Calling me many times and reducing me to tears with her cruel, fabricated accusations. Despite my parents and sister trying to reason with her she has continued. I have refused to take any more calls from her because they distress me. I have already had several breakdowns as a direct result of her actions. She has now turned to calling my husband (her step father of 8 years)and dishing out the same treatment to him ,threatening him in the process. We were excluded from her wedding, or any celebrations, or anything to do with her husband and our grandson. She has moved 5 minutes away from us. I am too frightened to visit due to her aggressive verbal behaviour. She has now started slandering me and my husband to friends and distant family, I have as a result received verbally abusive letters and text,despite trying to explain that these are lies. She has even threatened me that I cannot work at certain places in case I end up working with her mother in law ,I am a nurse and MIL a carer. We work in the same town.My daughters maternal side of the family have been told that we are nothing to do with her and her family are now her in laws and husband. I suspect she is being racist (however slight)as I am of mixed parentage. We have been threatened to 'keep our distance' but we never see her. despite this she continues to spread malicious lies to people I know and work with. Nursing is a small world. I am finding it all too much and have even suggested that we move house. Not realistic as my husbands company is 5 minutes from where we live and its not financially viable at the moment. I cant concentrate and am just worried about what she is going to do next. I'm too scared to answer my landline and have removed her number from my phone..I've changed the locks on the house (she had a house key)and am terrified she will turn up on the doorstep when I'm alone. I'm really upset at the thought of seeing her in the street and what she may do, Can I get a restraining order or some sort of redress to stop her harassing us directly or indirectly .I know its my daughter but she's 26 has a management job in the NHS clinical field but its taking its toll on my health. What do we do ?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Jo C. replied 3 years ago.
Hi.

Thank you for your question. My name is XXXXX XXXXX I will try to help with this.

How long has this been going on for please?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.


It started with isolated incidents when I was first widowed in 2004.It has become increasingly intense over the last two years. And since she married and moved last October (and got promotion)it has escalated. Almost every week I am getting to hear something back via a third party.be it close family, distant family, people I've worked with. I anticipate it now. I actually don't want to go out only to work and even that's a worry.as one of my colleagues also works with the MIL at another care facility. We get on extremely well .I haven't said anything about my daughters behaviour as I don't want to enter a 'tit for tat mentality.my husband and I hadn't spoke to close family about some of the things she's done but I got fed up keeping silent and still suffering assuaults.so I told my parents and sister about a month ago. I had to talk to someone. Since then she has stepped up and I am at the point of breakdown again.

Expert:  Jo C. replied 3 years ago.
OK.

What is she actually doing?

There is no need to go into detail. Just a brief summary will be fine.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Telling people I chucked het out with a new born baby.Nevet supported her through college and university. Never said im proud of her.Her fathets death was my fault.He committex suicide whilst abusing drugs and we were two weeks awzy from divorce.How I s we (her steodad oncludef) should get our parenting skills sorted as we hav

Expert:  Jo C. replied 3 years ago.
Has she actually made any contact with you?

Or is the extent of this that she is complaining to others about you?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

She was constantly calling me but I have blocked het number on my mobile . She started to call on the landline but I told her not to call me any more as she distressed me . She then started calling her step father on his mobile.He tried to remain calm while she ranted but the last time she called him about a month ago she threatenef him and was extremely insulting.He was very distressed too.We have both undergone a course of counselling together as we have been extremely disturbed by this.She now uses other people we know as stated to rant and vilify us.We dont know the exact content but its obviously very serious as to the text and letters weve received.And my poor parents have been subjected to it.Mostly accusations that are slanderous and pure fabrication.My mother wont be too specific as she sees how upsetting it is for me.

Expert:  Jo C. replied 3 years ago.
Ok.

What I need to know is whether she has been calling you or contacting you recently? I understand you want to tell me everything but this should really be a yes or no response.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

orry I fell asleep. Have done a double shift finishing this morning.


I dont know as I have deleted her number and only answer callers I recognise.I dont answer the land line anymore .Im too frightened. As far as im aware she hasnt called either of us for 3 weeks. Unkess my husband hasnt told me.Shes calling our friends and oeple we/I know ir used to work with.Some on facebook but I no longer have an account.

Expert:  Jo C. replied 3 years ago.
Thanks.

I just need about 10 mins to type up an answer but I'm afraid its bad news overall.
Expert:  Jo C. replied 3 years ago.
Thank you.

I'm very sorry but I'm afraid it's bad news.

What you are describing is a young lady who is generally misbehaving towards the entire family. That is not unlawful per se.

To seek a injunction you will have to show that she is doing something unlawful or that there is a risk that she will.

Had she been contacting you in circumstances where you were not responding then that would have been a simple matter of suing for harassment and seeking an injunction. That is not what you are describing here. What you are describing here is that she just makes contact with a large number of people and generally causes them annoyance. That is not harassment of you. It may be harassment of them but they have to seek their own orders.

You can't try suing for harassment on the basis that the contact that she is making with others amounts to indirect contact of you. It would be responsible here for me to tell you that you have a strong chance. I have been able to do that for people sometimes but those cases of all involved situations where the stalker was making contact of a kind that could only result in contact with his target-for example, making reports to the police or to the council or to an employer. If what she is doing is basically just gossiping about you and truthfully to members of your family then those members have a choice over whether or not to tell you and so it doesn't really amount to indirect contacts. You are certainly free to try. Maybe the fact of being sued will be sufficient to deter her. You should be aware that it is not an easy claim.

The alternative is something like a claim in defamation but that is an expensive action even under the reforms and also although you can get an order that prevents her repeating the specific slander you cannot get an order that prevents contacting you or complaining about you to others.

Even if you do sue in harassment, you are not going to get an order realistically that does any more than stop her contacting you all going to your address. The court will not prevent her going about her lawful business in a public place I'm afraid.

I'm very sorry but I can only give you truthful information.

Can I clarify anything for you?

Jo
Jo C., Barrister
Category: Law
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Experience: Over 5 years in practice
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Expert:  Jo C. replied 3 years ago.
Thank you for the positive rating and remember that I am always available to help with your questions. For future information, please start your question with ‘FOR JO C’. You can also bookmark my profile http://www.justanswer.co.uk/law/expert-remus2004/

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