Ive lived with partner 27years. He has now found somebody else, but he doesn't actually want to give up his home. He has said he would bring new girlfriend here to our property. If he does this what would I do? I am on title deeds and it appears she is unweilling to buy me out or offer anything towards. I had no objection to him buying me out when he mentioned this. However it was a small amount and for this i would have to move out and leave everything behind. I looked for a home on property websites and his amount offered didnt allow for me to buy in my area. I have unwell parents that i cant leave by moving to somewhere where i could get a new home and start again. After 27yrs, I need something to start with and a small cottage would enable me to use the gov rent a room scheme to help pay bills to ge tmyself started. I feel it is reasonable to ask as I am in effect giving upmy home to another woman who will then reap the benefits of those 27yrs i have invested in home and family. Failing himor them buying me out, is it sensible to market the property pay off the mortgage and then split what's left-whatever small sum this is likely to be, as he also demolished part of bungalow and just left it a mess. I am really worried about the thought of him bringing her here-i dont understand how this could be legal it is our home-not hers. What would i do if i came face to face with her on my property?
No we aren't married-met 28years ago and lived together for 27, 1 daughter of 25 who came home from uni and didn't leave or pay any keep. I can only estimate as he has all the mail. The property was valued at 850, 000 in 2003 and we bought for 840,000 in 2004-10yrs ago. But he has refused to do any maintainance and it needed modernisation then and now. Without this it has deteriorated. It had planning for end of the bungalow to be made into an annexe with further extension when we purchased which amounted to just enlarging the existing floor area. It was some time before we moved in and during this period when not here, he had some man he knew (or thought he did) and who had no credentials, come and who then pretended he was in the building game and my partner allowed him free reign and he demolished the end of the bungalow which was only supposed to be extended. I arrived one day and whole lot was gone and its remnants dumped into our field and menage and there it still is to this day. The foundations are full of dirty water and mile high with weeds and we get rats. The damage to that end of the bungalow has just been left and causes damp etc because it was left so badly. My partner has also made a mess of further areas of the property and the stables menage and field are no suitable for horses any more. I would think that most of the mortgage hasnt been paid off-probably bear minimum. 1 valuation said worth about 60,000 more than we paid for it as it stands and prob still 600,000+ owed. This is all a huge worry, but that he said he was bringing this girlfriend here and they would live here. He even threatened (as they are all said as threats-not sensible speaking) to marry her and I said she wouldnt be entitled to what is ours on half of what is his and that would be dubious unless he gave it to her as I don't know how much you cant take of the person you marry five minutes after marrying them? You would understand this more than me. I have recently discoverd he is living well beyond his means anyway with spending on girlfriend, hotels, restaurants, shopping for her, holidays and his hobby which costs a fortune-motor car racing. And I saw a letter that said his pension has just matured, so that would explain the last threat after he returned from his weekend with 'her' that he has the money to take me to court!! I on the other hand have a part-time job that is zero hours contract, so there isn't any hope of me getting a mortgage. Everything financially and emotionally is invested in my home and family over the years. If I had anything, I would have moved out and put property on market right away, but I would have nothing to start over with as it stands. Everything is invested in the property that I have. Worse still, is that everything is 'his' now, that was once 'ours'. We started a business some 15yrs ago and now that's his. But it was just a shabby industrial unit down by the river and it flooded badly. It was just the 2 of us and our daughter was young at the time, but I helped start it and build it and now he says it's all his and he had me move to this property we are in so that he could own his own premises instead of renting from some landlord. He was so keen to have it and i foolishly agreed to leave our beautiful home and move to here so that he could use the existing units that the previous owners had built on site. I haven't told you the half of it as it would do your head in literally. Suffice to say-everything is to be on his terms, everything he says is to make everything to his advantage and to hell with me, the business or anyone else. That's why, i am sure he has let the business run down so much and the property and land-so that he can say its not making anything. If this is so, how can he afford to run around in various Jaguars, have the most expensive hobby smoke 20a day and all the rest. typically, he is currently not here at work, which was closed all day monday while he was at his girlfriends. But he is away for 6days in Belgium racing his car, which costs thousands a season. This is particularly expensive trip-fuel and ferry for lorry with car on and towing one, expensive premium race fuel/oil all the rest and accomodation and food. But the business books say-more is going out than into the business. REcently I found a letter saying he was applying for a loan against the business? with Crystal commercial funding, Walsall ws1 3aa up north somewhere. They said no, and I saw that he'd filled in the form and the reason for wanting loan was 'to buy my partner out' I am still his partner when it suits then? This is because they discovered I am on the deeds as they said that. then today a new letter from them and they say "Unfortunately it isnt poss to proceed with a full status mortgage" then they add "fortunately we have a substitute for you by way of self-certified mortgage" listed as: Facilities-commercial mortgage, facility type-secured loan facility, estimated value £400,000, Amount £260,000 subject to valuation, term 10yrs etc. What would happen if he was to do this loan-how would it affect me?
I worry, my friend was in same place but married for 30yrs. Her husband was running around with other women, but luckily they had paid into an endowment and it came up at 50 for each of them and she was able to use this for a solicitor but it cost her 10,000 but there was the money to pay it. I havent anything-when I was at home being a housewife and mother-mine didnt do anything for me-just meted out a few pounds here n there when i said i needed a new coat or shoes or toiletries. He made no provision for me at all it would appear but he made sure he had private dentist private doctor private hospital stays etc and that expensive hobby! You start to wonder if you have lived a lie and he'd had no intention of being with me once we were older. The only thing I do have and think i stillhave is axappp health, and i only think this because again i caught sight of a communication. If he stops paying for me I think i may lose this but how do I continue it and pay it myself if i can find the money. I am worried that they will just cancel it and i wont get the money if i am unwell and i do know that i need a small op currently. This worries me, i would like to take over my payments for this so that i dont have to worry about having lots of time off work through nhs visits thereby no earning the little i do. Wonder what happens if the policyholder with named on it isn'tpaid for one of those names on it or they get taken off without their knowledge. :(
oh and i forgot to say-the full status mortgage from crystal was refused due to the drawings from the business exceeding the net profit for the business!
I couldnt honestly say, i only know that he said he had an agent round without my knowledge and they said property was only 60,000 more than what we paid for it in 2004 which was 840,000 and i saw a letter briefly that i think said still owe 600 and something thousand! He never cleared his things from all the units and never rented them out to cover rates. If i knew how to i would have rented them, but he was adamant i wasnt touching anything at the business-it wasnt a problem before we came here. I started it with him 15+yrs ago and though he says not, i can find at least 2 people who will say i was there from the outset. I am also, with our 1 employee-on site more than anyone as its home except when i am out do care work or taking care of my own poorly parents. He is here the least. The business is run from jointly owned land and tidied up buildings that were bought as one and i amon the deeds of all. sorry about wording-gremlins in computer and keyboard all over the place. In theory the place doesnt earn its keep because of his poor management and who refuses to diversify and use to best advantage, whether it earns enough or not-the rates are still the same. It had and still has huge potential but the other owner wants total control as always to do what he wants. I dont think 60,000 sounds like much of a rise in property price, as we bought in 2004 quite some time before the prices peaked and then dropped and then recession came along. Even allowing for all this and the state of the place. Other than the garage being gone-it could be a whole lot better with some maintainance and redecoration and if he cleared all of his hoarded rubbish and the field was cut and ploughed. its all there but the other owner doesnt want to relinquish his hold over it.
To recap: Purch ase price 840, 000 in 2004, he claims he had it valued recently at 900,000 only and it has i think 650,000 left on it but he demolished garage end of bungalow and left it in terrible mess. I personally don't have any outstanding credit or loans.
It isn't run from the bungalow but from one of the units that sit behind the stable block/ yard in their own yard business isn't supposed to be outside of this area as stipulated by council, but still he has put stuff in field that is related to it and vehicles also. the old barn, he keeps his race cars in, and the stables and yard and the fields are what was originally here. At a later date previous owners put a mobile home on site which tthey then replaced with bungalow and then units and hard standing were added. Its what I call planning by stealth :) It was all one property purchase in 2004-1 lot, 1 payment.
It could, it was doing well before the recession, we had 3 employees (now 1, who quite frankly has been here through think n thin) but because he refused to diversify it has just about survived. He blames everything on everyone else and the recession has been a good 'fall guy'. I know times have been hard, but for everyone and it was our luck that 2 employees were able to find other work, which meant we just had the one.The business is a motor vehicle repair-independent jaguar specialist. It is very hard to get the certificates of lawfulness in green belt for this type of usage, but we do have those in place. It was also a riding school before we arrived and had liveries after for some time. Our employee did ask me if my partner would consider selling the business to him. I said i thought he wouldnt relinquish it-it being the trading name. Anyone wanting to purchase could buy the trading name the contents of the units associated or they could buy those and the property. For a couple or business partners-it is well able to accomodate the vehicle repair business, rentable units and a riding school for say (disabled people) or liveries run by the wife while a husband ran car repair business and a family home, or business partners running both and renting the bungalow out if they didnt wish to live on site. It has many possibilities for those who can see beyond their noses-or own self! If I had the money or the know how, I would do things very differently indeed. I would keep business running, but contain it in the minimum unit space until it blossomed, rent the other workshops out-enough to cover rents/rates elctricity etc, Rent the stables and fields out or put a manager in to do this, and live in the bungalow and rent a room/possibly 2 to cover the rent/rates there. It is all doable but my partner refuses to clean up his act, I have spent last few years putting all these different scenarios to him but always they are met with refusal, and that i dont know what i'm talking about and that he wont confine his business to the essential working space, my friend who is a horse person, even spoke recently with him about re-starting the equestrian side and she said he said no-he was going to need them for his business. But-the council stipulated that the car repair business and units couldnt operate outside of the units and yard and there is still a gate at the boundary of there dividing the access driveway, stables yard fields and bungalow and gardens from it. Strictly speaking, the council would be within their rights to come down and say 'mr palmer-you have business associated vehicles and things in the field and menage and the stable yard and also in the stables and they are not the commercial part of the property'. He did quite some time ago make one of his comments that he and his new girlfriend were going to run a car sales from the stables and yard! I thought no you won't be-a) the council ruling and b) health and safety with sparks possible around wooden stabling etc and c) she won't be running anything from my home anyway d) We, me and him, jointly have to agree to what will be the way forward, either he stays and listens to my suggestions and he continues to run the business properly and We find a way to make it work and pay the bills/rates-which would mean of course he would actually have to take on board my suggestions (can't see it).Whether he chooses to live off the property in his own place, it would be his choice to move in with his girlfriend or not. I may be able with renting rooms to cover the bills-but again the business would have to pay the mortgage and overheads. Really I cant see any way round it. I did think at one point before the lates girlfriend came along, that he would consider it was worth our while to work together on the business and the property and get it into shape, while waiting for the property market to pick up, so even a ways down the road-we would at least be able to sell at a reasonable price. He could have chosen to continue living here or moved into his own place and come to work each day. But in past 6months he has suddenly come up with all of this 'we' stuff, which includes the girlfriend and not me, i don't mean personally but financially in the home and business. So we will get nowhere with this at the top of his agenda. He thought i would cave in and say yes-i will take what you offer me whatever it is and move out and you can bring your new girlfriend here and she will step into my shoes lock stock n barrel, as if i'd never been here. But what he offered to just give it all up was ridiculous. I said to him that, if he couldnt buy me out properly why didn't his girlfriend help him out, reasonable as she wants what i thought i would have after 28years with him.. What I expected to be enjoying after daughter was working and retirement approaching. The usual things, like holidays, nice car, nice home, nice clothes etc-nothing fancy but time to enjoy life. But he says he couldnt come up with the money or wouldn't, though i heard he had an offer of a loan of 50,000 from a friend, possible 40,000 in his pension which has just very recently matured and including the loan he has applied for-it would be enough for me to find somewhere so i don't have to worry about a roof over my head and give me basics to start again-like sofa bed etc-no luxuries. I look at it this way. he wants me to give up everything for a sum of money that he chooses so that he can then bring his girlfriend here (who doesnt appear to want to invest anything, other than to arrive with a suitcase and enjoy my home and run business with him. At the moment I am sitting miserably pretty! I have a home, it has space though its run down and not pleasant where it's been spoilt. It needs work, but i dont need buckingham palace, but there will come a time when all the things that have been neglected to maintain it catch up and maybe the roof will leak or heating need replacing etc. But i 'have' a home! I can gradually find ways of paying more and more bills,if i am not blocked at every turn. If he wants to live with his girlfriend that would be his choice, it would leave a spare room to rent which any go towards bills rates and repair, instead of him digging his heals in by not being here anyway but not allowing for any income to be generated. What i cannot get my head around is he knows he is well off and he is having his cake and eat it as the phrase goes, he has had a lot of leaway, i havent ever been on his case or constantly checking upon him or his movements like some women are. He has a home-he refuses to maintain but which could be lovely, in a few years the property will go up if the maintainance is done, people will be looking to move and invest again more and more. I have not blocked him in any way where his girlfriend is concerned, i have accepted he wishes to move on with her, but it isnt a triangle! It is me and him or him and her and not me and her and him. This is how he is making it but he wants to be rid of me but he wants his cake-the business and property. I stand to lose a lot, emotionally i already have, but financially is worse. In a few years, this could be a thriving concern once again and very sellable. For the small sum he offering me to give it all up, i ask myself-why would i want to, if i will be struggling a few years from now with no home or security. It is a fact, that a couple, be it personal, or business are financially better off than to people alone. Escpecially women, who fall at the bottom end of the pile where everything is concerned and my age group 45-55 are the worst off alone, having given everything up for their families and not persued a career as usually in most cases i know-the partner of this age group expects 'his dinner on the table' and the rest.
Thankyou-this is pretty much what I expected but just needed to be sure. He cannot refuse me access to any part of our joint property though can he? By the way-he still has his clothing in our wardrobes and chest of drawers in the bedroom and I haven't padlocked the door, so he just comes in and gets his things as and when! When you say his girlfriend can come here-does that include her wandering into the bedroom i alone sleep in and getting his clothes for him or using my ensuite toilet? : / Does that not come under emotional cruelty/abuse as opposed to physical abuse? Really, it comes down to the fact that if he really wants me to leave him here to continue the business and his girlfriend to move in with him, then he/they! need to see that I am able to have enough money to get a roof over my head and the means to secure my future, as at present i have that already-however he/they may choose to manage that-borrowing, loans, personal family borrowing, is up to him/them. Failing that, the property will need to be sold and whatever amount is left is split between us. He won't like that at all-he knows as well as I, this isn't going to be much and it is so final, that he will have to start again,as I, and this i am sure is why i am having so much trouble with him. We stand to lose a lot apart-but we stand to gain a lot together! Ive always thought this was the case Clare. Just one final thing, if he chooses to stay, even if only to run the business in the units, I am well within my right to continue the equestrian sid of things to generate income to pay bills as this is not allowed to be anything else, the council set this stipulation as part of us getting a certificate of lawfulness to use the units and yard. The equestrian property has been listed since the original owners first applied for stables on the plot, that and the old barn are all that are on the original deeds. The rest has come at later dates with them applying to live on site in mobile home, which then was replaced by bungalow and the outbuildings which became units. Could he give me the bungalow and equestrian as part of buying me out-free of a mortgage, which i could rent or sell? With the car business usage not allowed on the home garden stables and yard or paddock. It could be possible to divide them legally, and for them to be 2 self contained parts. I would have no objection to that, I could stay or leave, he could continue his business with his girlfriend and it would be up to him whether he made a go of it, he might then be able to re-purchase the property at a later date. Could that be a way forward do you think? Do you have a professional opinion on what would be my best way forward-to think along the lines of saving what is left of a bad situation in the hope that financially we would be better off in the long run, or just sell property and leave it all behind and struggle on with the little left. thanks Clare for your help and i will review for you, with much thanks as soon as i get back on here later :)