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Clare
Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 34107
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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My partner and I have fallen out and she has taken our 4 year

Resolved Question:

My partner and I have fallen out and she has taken our 4 year old son out of nursery to her mothers to get some 'space' and refuses to bring him home. Can i do anything?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
How long has she been away
Has she made any arrangement for contact?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

she left on Thursday and has told me she isn't coming home because she needs some space. I said I want my son back home so he can go back to nursery and keep his routine but she said no he will never be parted from her


 

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
What contact has she offered?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Hi, 2 phone calls a day which with a 4 year old doesn't really happen. She has gone 230 miles away.

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Are you willing to travel to meet him if need be?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Yes but I would prefer to have him back home. It can't be right that she can just pack a bag one day a leave with him

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Relist: Incomplete answer.
Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
I fully appreciate that you would rather he came home but as a stop gap you would be willing to travel?
Does your partner have a job to return to?
Would you be willing to vacate the property OF she came back
Please remember at present these are questions designed to ensure that I can see all possible options available
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Hi, i would travel but it is an 8 hour round trip as she can't drive to meet me half way. No she doesn't work. Yes i wold leave the house but quite honestly i don't see why I should. I haven't done anything wrong - she has simply decided that things aren't going the way she wants them to and so has upped sticks and gone. And is refusing to come home.

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
May I assume that you are named on the birth certificate?
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Yes. And I have spent almost every day of his life with him sharing responsibility - taking him to nursery, swimming, ballet, tennis, doctors - so how can his mother just pack up and take him away? Why can't I just go and bring him back? He is missing nursery and his clubs and all his friends just because she wants a bit of space.

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
Let me clear - I do not think that what I am about to say is fair - but it is the position that you are in and you need to consider carefully what to do next.
You both have parental responsibility for the child and accordingly your partner has done nothing legally wrong by taking the child to her mothers
However if you try to retaliate then she will no doubt apply for an emergency order stating that the Child should reside with her while the court decides the long term arrangements - and since she has been the stay at home carer she is likely to succeed.
As to the way forward much depends on whether you are willing to move out so that she can return home and the child take up all his activities and allow you to set up a regular shared care arrangement; or whether you would prefer to do the travelling and spend weekends with him wherever your ex i snow staying.
The advantage of getting her back here is that you can set up a shared care arrangement which will limit the future risk of her moving away without a court order whereas the longer she and the child stay with her mother the more likely it is that this will become the default arrangement
Either way the starting point is to try and arrange a Family mediation appointment as soon as possible to try and negotiate the way forward - and if not to apply for a Child Arrangement Order so that the court can decide how the care of the child should be shared between you
Please ask if you need further details
Clare
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Thanks for that. The law is wrong. So as it stands can she stop me going up there and seeing my son next weekend if I give her notice? Can I have him without her being there?

Expert:  Clare replied 3 years ago.
Hi
As I put in the caveat at the start of my answer - I do not agree with how things are - but nonetheless it is the system you must work with.
She will have to agree to your seeing the child - and especially to you taking him out - so be willing to offer some very strong surety that you will not take him if you see him
Please also understand that if you did succumb to temptation it would be fatal to your long term chances of shared care
Clare
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