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Clare
Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 34105
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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can you advise me.my daughter has split with her partner of

Resolved Question:

can you advise me.my daughter has split with her partner of 16yrs because of his cheating .they have a 10yr old daughter who now he wants her to go to his new home with his new girl friend and her daughter and she dosent want to he also says he is going to stop her activites if she dosent go .they are not actvites he pays for or is involved with.he hasent verbaly said that to her just my daughter who he threatens to do this if she dosent encourage their daughter to go there .thankyou
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
How long ago did they separate and what contact has he asked for?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

hi Claire they separated a year ago but remaind amicable about visiting his daughter as and when .its only since he has moved in with the new girlfriend 4weeks ago that he has become unreasonable.his daughter dosent want to meet the new girlfriend and hes trying to put her in a situation she is very unhappy with.she is a very intelligent girl with a mind of her own.hope that helps .

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Why does the child not wish to meet the new girlfriend, given that the split was a year ago?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

hi Claire ,shes not happy with the fact that her dad now lives with his girlfriend and her child.hes not been with this girlfriend a year he has had others as well.this girl is just the result of them to cheating and lying .my daughter and granddaughter are having to move home because of this as he is selling the house.so there is a lot of upheaval for them.they need to be settled in a new home which they haven't even got yet.he has moved in with the girl only round the corner from where they live and she wont even go to the shop with her mum incase she sees him with her and her child.the girl in question knows my daughter and granddaughter and they were both prepared to still go ahead with there relationship.my daughter was with her childs father for 16yrs.so its been a very upsetting time for them both.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

hi Claire ,shes not happy with the fact that her dad now lives with his girlfriend and her child.hes not been with this girlfriend a year he has had others as well.this girl is just the result of them to cheating and lying .my daughter and granddaughter are having to move home because of this as he is selling the house.so there is a lot of upheaval for them.they need to be settled in a new home which they haven't even got yet.he has moved in with the girl only round the corner from where they live and she wont even go to the shop with her mum incase she sees him with her and her child.the girl in question knows my daughter and granddaughter and they were both prepared to still go ahead with there relationship.my daughter was with her childs father for 16yrs.so its been a very upsetting time for them both.

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
I can understand how unhappy your daughter is especially if she is having to move.
What has the pattern of contact been so far?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

hi Claire just Wednesdays and Saturdays .he normally takes her to his mums house which is also local.but now hes refusing.when they were together as a family that was probably the same amount of time they had together due to work commitments ect.he is off work at the moment and has been for 6months due to an ongoing health problem.hence demanding more time

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Could you explain why they have to move - as it appears this may be having a major effect on his daughter?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

hi ,they are having to move because the father dosent want to pay the mortgage for them to stay he has a loan secured on the house and he will only pay until its sold so he can settle his debts.my daughter cant afford to pay on her own,so the will rent something affordable.there should be some money left from the house sale for my daughter which the father has agreed she can have as he had the loan for his own benefit. thankyou Julie

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
I appreciate that we have strayed from the question - but just to see if I can give more help -
how much is the house worth and how much is outstanding on the mortgage and the loan?
Is the house in joint names and how much would a cheaper two bedroom property in the same general area cost to buy?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

hi Claire the property is up for sale at £115 -£120000
there is £13.000 owing on the loan and £84 000 mortgage.un fortunately my daughter wouldn't get a mortgage on her own.the property is in joint names.also she would like to move closer to where her child goes to school.my granddaughter was fortunate to get a part scholarship for private education she is very clever.and the shool is 6miles from where they live now.as you can imagine Claire my daughter dosent want all of this to start to get in the way of her daughters education.

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
What was the loan used for?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

hi clare he used the loan for his own personal use my daughter wasn't aware he had a loan at first.he just spent it all on him self holidays with his friends cars ect.

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Can your daughter afford the mortgage if the loan is paid by her ex?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

hi Claire he wouldn't have the money to pay off the loan.and hes wanting the house sold and also she dosent want to live there herself after he has done to them both .they need a fresh start.

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
I wasn't asking what her ex wanted!
If it means remaining in a property that she owns would your daughter compromise on that
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I think we have swayed off the original question clare .my daughter dosent want to live there .he only lives down the road as I explained and she dosent want to see him on a daily basis.the main concern is his demands on his child that are unreasonable.

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
The problem is that what the father is requesting is unlikely to be seen as unreasonable by the court.
The separation happened some time ago and it is reasonable for him to want his daughter to meet his new partner.
It is unusual for a 10 year old to have such a strong objection in these circumstances and it will be easy for your daughter's ex to say that she is doing this under the influence of her mother - which will increase the pressure on your daughter.
In fact she could stay in her current home if she wishes and use the Children Act to ensure that her ex pays the loan
In terms of the way forward with regard to contact I suggest that she offers to discuss the matter with her ex using Family Mediation
(www.familymediationelpline.co.uk)
and a mediator trained to work with children so that the child's views are brought to the table
I am sorry not to be more positive - please ask if you need further details
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

thankyou Claire but its a little more complicated thant that.he shows no interest in his daughters education he attends nothing ie sports day harvest festival parents evening ect if it involves having to be there with my daughter who has done nothing wrong.he cannot show his daughter that he can even engage with her mother.he even the other day wanted to take his daughter who was off school poorly to look at puppies he was going to buy for his new family.he didn't even offer to sit with her because the puppies were more important to him and he also said to her he dosent want to go see her in her own home anymore.i wouldn't call that my daughter putting her hurt on to their daughter.and its all been since he has been with the new partner.he has only been living with her since September,and being in a relationship since april.i don't think that is enough time and that is all that is being asked .

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
I am afraid that contact in the family home is NOT seen as being good contact at all - so if he made an application any order would be based on his seeing the child away from the property.
Equally I can only be honest and say that the court would see no reason why the child should NOT meet the new partner
http://theparentconnection.org.uk/
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Relist: Answer quality.
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
I am sorry that I cannot give you the answer that you wish for.
I can only explain the approach that the court is most likely to take - and I am afraid that the court will not accept that contact should take place in your daughter's home and since you have not mentioned any safeguarding reasons which would limit contact to a Contact Centre it is likely that a court would make a child arrangement order allowing contact to take place at his home, and with his girlfriend there
The fact that he avoids any events which your daughter attends will not be seen as a bad thing and there is a very real risk that your poor daughter will be seen as causing her daughters reluctance.
Your daughter needs to offer to discuss matters with him using Family mediation
I have given you links to websites where contact is discussed - there is more here
http://www.cafcass.gov.uk/grown-ups.aspx
Clare
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