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Ask Clare Your Own Question

Clare
Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 33805
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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My name is ***** ***** im in the process of breaking up with

Resolved Question:

My name is ***** ***** im in the process of breaking up with my wife . We've been married since 2009 , and been together since 2005 .we have twin boys who will be three next year. My wife has been diagnosed with bipolar ,and a personality disorder. She was under mental health for years. She has always been aggressive verbally to me and on meny occasions physically abusive.sadly last year i attacked her for the first and only time ever ,and i was arrested.she didn't press charges and i got a simple caution from the police.not that its any excuse , but i was grieving for the loss of my brother who died in 2009 , and my dad and best friend who died in 2010,and my nan who died in 2011. I also found out that my youngest son from my first marriage had been groomed and raped by a peadophile,in 2010 and my first wife blamed me for it happening. But i only found out a couple of months before this happened .i didn't get much support from my wife , just more abuse .she is addicted to prescribed medication which she leaves all round the kitchen,she also has breast cancer and other medical problems which is adding to her depression and severe mood swings.she is also addicted to red bull at least 8 cans a day .she cant control her anger and will often screem abusively at the boys ,using very strong foul language .and has often told me she cant take anymore .up until i attacked my wife i have never been in trouble with the law or have violent.i have always worked and every penny went to her and the boys.im now living at my mums one bed room flat i cant afford to rent anywhere as in still paying her rent. With what i have just told you, i would like to know if i would stand any chance of getting custody of my two boys,as i know that with a bit of help i can give them a better and calmer life . I will be fifty in 2015 but can still look after them as well as anyone .
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
What contact are you currently having with the children - and why are you paying your wife's rent?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

im paying her rent because she got caught claiming benefits for rent . And everything has been stopped .and my kids need a roof.

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
I see.
What contact do you currently have with the children?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

there is no set times to see them just when she lets me . she has told me not to contact her and to stay away

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
in the last three weeks when have you seen them?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

i was living with them up to a week ago

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
My apologies - I had not realised it was so recent.
Do you think your wife can actually cope with the children?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

my wife loves the boys and will do whats expected of her .its her mental state thats very worrying .as she punched me on the side of my head on the 6th of dec , at 6.30 am , while i was changing my sons nappy on my lap , then as i was walking away ,she followed me saying i hope that hurt . she had been up most off the night as usual , still drinking red bull or other stimulant drinks . and was very aggressive towards the boys and me

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
I do understand that and I can appreciate how hard this is for you but what I am asking is whether you think her mental state is such that the children are at risk?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

i believe there is a chance she could hurt the boys as she has told me she has lost it with them before and hit them harder than nesessary because they were playing up ,and she couldn't cope as they were doing her head in .her rages are becoming more and more frequent and uncontrollable

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Has she sought help from her GP at all?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

yes she has had all sorts of depression tablets . she is always at the doctors but nothing seems to be helping .

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

yes she has had all sorts of depression tablets . she is always at the doctors but nothing seems to be helping .she is becoming more and more dependant on the medication just to get through the day

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Sorry - do you mean she was claiming benefits while you were there?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

yes i came home from work one day and she told me she was going to claim benefits , because i couldn't afford to pay the rent and all the bills on my wages ,and couldn't care less what i think ,she told them i didn't live there anymore.we were struggling badly after the boys were born .

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
When was this?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

about a year ago is this relevent to what im asking ?

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
It is part of assessing what approach the court will take - and what arguments you can use.
This is important
When was the fraud detected?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

around september

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Ok
last question - would you intend to return to the matrimonial home to care for the children?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

yes if i was allowed

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

hi clare ive not recieved any answer to my problem .but u want me to fill in a questionaire

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Ah one more question then - if need be could you house yourself and them else where leaving your ex where she is (and her rent her problem)?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

unfortunately i have no savings and im paying out for a loan i took out for her back in 2013 / which is costing me £70 a week / and i pay out £60 a week csa , both finishing about 4 years from now .at the end of the week im left with around £340. then give her and my sons £150 rent plus gas , electric . i would like to move out of the area , but i just cant afford any where.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

believe me if i could i would

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Is the CSA for other children?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

its for my 15 year old from my first marraige.we split up because she had an affair .

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Do you realise that can be reassessed now that you are separated from your wife?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

yes ,and because i have no fixed abode , they see it as , i have nothing to pay out,and put it up even more . They don't take anything i have to pay out into account as im now classed as single.ive already spoke to them about it .

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
In fact you can ask for an assessment in respect of your younger children which will automatically trigger a reassessment for the older child.
With regard to the children there are clearly valid concerns about your ex's ability to care for the children given her physical and mental health- indeed it could be said that you have taken a risky step by leaving the children in her care at all
It is expected that parents will agree a pattern of sharing care between them using family mediation
www.familymediationhelpline.co.uk
If you cannot agree then an application needs to be made to the court for a Child Arrangement Order setting out the time they spend with each of you.
There is no reason why you should not have an shared care arrangement provided you can sort out suitable accommodation.
It will be harder to get you back into the matrimonial home - unless it becomes clear that your ex cannot care of the children at all.
Nor can you rely on the fact that she committed benefit fraud as it appears that you were aware that she was doing do
However you do need to deal with the finances so that you can have your own property and look for alternate weekends Friday to MOnday one night in the week and half of all the school holidays as a minimum
Please ask if you need further details
Clare
Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 33805
Experience: I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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