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Jo C.
Jo C., Barrister
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 70719
Experience:  Over 5 years in practice
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I have a sister in law who has a non molestation order on her

Resolved Question:

I have a sister in law who has a non molestation order on her husband, do we have to be told by the courts for us not to speak to him?
He came round and spoke to us, my sister in law states its third party harassment and we should not have spoke to him.
No one has has told us not to talk to him like the courts, a solicitor or police
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Jo C. replied 2 years ago.
Jo C. :

Hi

Jo C. :

Your sister in law is talking nonsense.

Jo C. :

You are perfectly free to speak to any person you like.

Jo C. :

Without her permission which might be described as controlling behaviour in itself. I would love to know on what basis she thinks she can restrict your friendships.

Jo C. :

You are perfectly free to speak to him. Even if the police tell you not to there is no basis for that unless you wish to have no contact. If you do then you should tell him first before any other party.

Jo C. :

What it has to do with your sister in law I don't know.

Jo C. :

Try not to have anything to do with women like her.

Jo C. :

We all have relationship squabbles. We don't all start taking out non molestation orders and summonsing up the police to deal with personal disputes.

Jo C. :

The overwhelming majority of women in the UK get through their whole lives without ever even once making even one allegation of abuse against anybody.

Jo C. :

If she has done this to him it will not be long before she does it to others including you. Obviously there are some genuine victims but I am afraid that many, if not most, of what is euphemistically called 'domestic abuse' amounts to normal relationship stuff that happens to us all and we all sort it out ourselves.

Jo C. :

Do not allow her to control you.

Jo C. :

But do not place yourself in a position where she can make allegations against you.

Jo C. :

Best policy is to run a mile from any person with this background. Maybe they are telling the truth. Maybe they are being a drama queen. Do not wait to find out.

Jo C. :

Can I clarify anything for you?

Jo C. :

Can you respond?

Expert:  Jo C. replied 2 years ago.
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Expert:  Jo C. replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Can you respond now?
I have converted this to Q and A as you seem to be having trouble responding.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi

Thanks for the response, obviously we aren't really interested in speaking to the soon ex husband, but all he did was come round and chat about things, he didn't in any way ask me to do anything nor make any comment about his wife (my sitter in law)

So to be clear if I did want to keep talking to him I am legally entitles to and would not be in breach of any molestation order she has placed with him?

Regards

Expert:  Jo C. replied 2 years ago.
Well, you are free to do that as well.
Don't presume that just because she has a non molestation order that he is necessarily not very nice. In my experience, quite the reverse can often be true. There are lots of ways of abusing in relationships. One is to behave violently. Another is to say to your partner implicitly that every time there is an argument you will call the police and he will be arrested etc etc etc.
If you want to keep talking to him then you are perfectly free to do so. Obviously if he asks you to contact her then that would be different as that is indirect contact.
My very strong advice would be not to have contact with her anyway for the reasons above. Vexatious accusers never get better and they are a danger to everybody around them. I don't know whether she is a vexatious accuser or not but you don't want to take the chance. It is rather concerning that she is trying to restrict your relationships with another person.
You will find a very informative article upon this issue here
http://www.1itl.com/news/270/
Even if he is a thorough rogue, that is her problem not yours.
Expert:  Jo C. replied 2 years ago.
This is quite good too
http://breakingtheglasses.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/restraining-order-abuse-and-vexatious_31.html#.VKPdpWtsHw4
although it relates to the States but the principle is the same.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Thanks for this, yes indeed we don't want anything to do with both of them at the moment, a shame really as its my partners sister, she has text this morning suggesting if we keep seeing him she feels its best for non communication, a shame as we have two young children who play with their cousins!

Expert:  Jo C. replied 2 years ago.
Yes, it is. I do understand. I know how difficult it is for people to be estranged from family in the long run.
She will not get better though and vexatious accusers are dangerous.
Obviously she is perfectly entitled to have strong feelings about her husband. He may well be entirely unreasonable. What she is not allowed to do is to try to control everybody around her and isolate him and generally behave like a spoilt child who makes allegations of abuse when she can't have what she wants.
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