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Clare
Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 34278
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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Twice in the last 3 months my (now ex) partner of 14 years

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Twice in the last 3 months my (now ex) partner of 14 years has attacked me and then phoned the police and accused me of domestic abuse. After both incidents I have managed to get away from her and the police have arrested me. Once in the street, the other time at my mums house the next day. Both times the police never doubted me in any way but had to go through the process etc.
What concerns me more is that she has told friends and family in the past (there has been previous assaults on me which she hasn't twisted then phoned the police , but has lied to friends etc) that I am violent and have hit her etc. After these arrests I messaged a couple of her friends ( never done this before) just to let them know the truth from my point of view and I wont put up with hearing anymore slander. probably the wrong thing to do but all I could think of in the aftermath.
The twisted thing is. She knows I would never physically hurt her, simply because we both know I am fairly strong and fit and not afraid to hit any man that has attacked me in the past. So I can soak up her blows to the head and body and just take it. Hitting her back in order to stop her would be like hitting a child with a punch or whatever. Can't do it. She's always known that so her attacks got more violent is what I think. I'm a school teacher (of 18yrs service) and after the last time once I had got to my mums house she texted me to say she was phoning the police and she hoped I would lose my job. I'm 51 yrs old. There is no one anywhere in my life in the past or now that would ever think I was violent, to anyone. I feel I'm being attacked in a different way now
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
is there any reason for you to have contact with your ex in the future?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
No we have no reason to contact
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
How have the last two incidents happened?
clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
She has told me she has issues with trust due to her childhood ive tried to accommodate that over the years. Recently once we have had a drink on Fri or sat night she has changed mood late on and started making wild accusations such as she Knows I've been visiting prostitutes, Or she Knows I've been trying to message girls or sex online or whatever. It is so quick a change of mood and so absurd an allegation at the time I can't calm her down. If I get angry or annoyed she sees that as a sign of guilt. If I laugh it off she gets even more angry thinking I'm laughing at her in a kinda sneaky way at her expense. I've always felt sorry for her but I'm not so sure now
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Ok this is a joke. Here's me explaining myself to a woman about an abusive woman for £38. and getting nowt back but questions I have to answer. serves me right for being a bit down. Whatever
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Thank you for the first answer.
I think you have already begun to understand that you are being manipulated by your ex.
Knowing this is the first step in protecting yourself - but sadly all to often this is the hardest step to take - and that is the same whether the abuser is male or female.
What you also need to understand is that she knows exactly which buttons to press to make you react AND that that it is frighteningly easy to make a man look abusive.
On that basis please do not contact any more of her friends/relatives to give your side of the story.
Those who really know her will know that you are not an abuser - and for those that don't the fact that you are contacting them will be seen as abusive and THAT could result in a visit from the police
Please stay away from her and her friends - do not let her bring you down
Clare
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