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Jo C.
Jo C., Barrister
Category: Law
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Experience:  Over 5 years in practice
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My 46 year old son is worried about his 9r old son's

Customer Question

My 46 year old son is worried about his 9r old son's wellbeing since the divorce a few years ago. The mother has always made it difficult for the boys father to have him to stay, stating illness, inconvenience etc. However, the boy and his father have a good relationship, and the boy loves his younger half sister dearly. Recently it turns out that the boy is attending anger management classes, which he finds embarrassing when called out of class, and has asked his father what he should say to his friends. His father is in regular contact with the school, as the mother does not pass on any information. His father was told by the mother that the boy had an anger issue in school, which the school denied. she now has a new live in partner who has texted my son on a number of occassions, telling him how the boy hates visiting his father, (un true as the boy has already asked how old he needs to be before he can request to live with his father) anad has decreed that the mother wants no contact whatsoever, that all contact should be through the boyfriend, and that the boy can only speak to his father at designated times when the boyfriend and mother are there to listen and that the calls can only be on speaker phone! the boy is an easy going chap who has always been keen to protect those he loves and not have them think bad about each other. I am sure that this is the cause of any anger issues he may have, ie frustration. what I have said here is the tip of the full story (ice burg!), but i just wanted an idea of what my son can do for his son. I believe, from talking to people in the past, that the mother may have Narcissictic personality disorder, an example of which being that when she had breast cancer she reported everything on line with photos, etc. but would not tell her family.... I am not used to this sort of thing as for me children come first and this boy is suffering through issues of loyalty and his own wellbeing. Any comments please as to how my son could proceed in the first instance, ie advice, without alerting his ex wife ?? Regards, ***** *****

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
My name is ***** *****
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
have the school told your son why the child is having the Anger Management Classes?
What is the current pattern of contact?
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

As far as I am aware it was the mother who instigate the anger courses, not the school. she tells my son that the boy has my son's anger issues.

he, my sonhas always fallen over backwards to appease females..he spent a lot of time with my mother as his guardian when I lived abroad and he was at boarding school. In my experience, any anger expressed by him is due to frustration after being overly amenable.

As for contact I think the agreement is fortnightly weekend stay overs, but it is not unusual for the mother to belatedly change that, and/or get angry in emails if my son has, through work, (he has his own business)had to change pick up from a Friday to a Saturday morning.

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
How often has the mother cancelled contact in the last six months?
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I am sorry, I do not know for sure as I do not have continuous contact with my son. Our current contact has come about because he is so worried about his own son. I know Archie, and i can quite understand him getting cross when he is trying so hard to please everyone and lay blame on no-one...

Maybe as I have (revealed) the point of

a narcissistic personality, which my son, (who is male after all) sees as me being a silly OW. it would be good if I could persuade him to talk to you direct...I could send you his email address...Andrew the Aga man?

but I know that she has changed contact arrangements and the boy is asking how old he has to be before he can live with his father. He is a very sensible child, and to know that he is crying over this is awful.

My son says that it it driving crazy as he is so worried about his son.

By the way the new boyfriend has a criminal record for beating up a previous partner. He was finally charged with a lesser charge of something like aggresive behaviour.

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Ho
That is fine.
Looking at this another way - what is it that your son would like to achieve in this?
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I have today spoken to my son, and he says that maybe he is over-worried. He has spoken to a solicitor and to a police friend and both have told him that nothing can be done unless something concrete happens, rather than fears and worries.

He admits that Archie seems generally to be coping stoicaly apart from teary moments. My son has spoken directly to the school and to the anger management practitioner..they confirmed that there had been no incident with Archie in the school....the deputy head said that, based on andrew's concerns (my son) she will keep a close eye on my grandson.

My son's partner is more than happy for the boy to live with his father, as Archie and his half sister are very close indeed.

So, thank you....it is just a matter of time to see what happens next.

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Would you son like to increase the time he spends with the child - have some enforceable times?
Clare

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