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Ask Clare Your Own Question
Clare
Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 34106
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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I need urgent advice please. I had an affair and so moved

Customer Question

I need urgent advice please. I had an affair and so moved out and my husband is in the family home with my 2 and 6 year old. We had mediation to agree on living arrangements and he wanted a commitment from my employer that there would be no work meetings on the days I drop off and collect the children. My Manager cannot give an assurance of my commitment ( being an employee herself) and since he has interpreted that as an inability to provide assurance he is not letting me see the girls in the schedule we agreed in mediation.
He is saying if I try and have them overnight in the week- which I have not done in the 3 months I moved out- he will call the police. I know he is angry about the affair but my 2 daughters have asked to stay overnight in the week.
I feel so desperate do I need a solicitor or can I stand my ground and have the girls at my place - I have respected his demands until now but feel like he is trying to punish me and I miss the girls so much.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.

Thank you question.

I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
What accommodation do you have?
Who was the main carer of the children before you moved out?
Does your husband work?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I am in a 2 bedroom rental . The care was shared between my husband and i before we separated with me doing more of the drop off pick up as my work is more flexible. In past 7 years though my husband was out of work so was at home with my eldest child a lot. He now works full time also.
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.

What reason is he giving refusal - why should you not have the children in the week?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thinks it is best to keep girls in a routine in one place
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.

After a separation parents are expected to agree what the arrangements children should be - using Family mediation if necessary.
If no agreement can be reached - or one party refuses to abide by the agreement as in this case - then an application needs to be made to the court Child Arrangement Order
The form you need is here
http://hmctsformfinder.justice.gov.uk/courtfinder/forms/c100-eng.pdf
and the fee is £215
There is no reason why you should not have your children overnight - and possible work meetings are not an issue provided you make proper arrangements care of the children at such times.
Legally there is no reason why you should not have the children overnight - and the police certainly would NOT become involved - although I do NOT advise aggravating the situation by doing so.
One last point - do not allow your guilt over the affair to affect how you deal with issues regarding the children - they are NOT connected
Please ask if you need further details
Clare
Clare and other Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I appreciate your answer. I have held off hiring a solicitor as I do not want to suggest that court is necessary. If he does not agree to a 50/50 split of care does it have to go to court with the form you suggest? Would there be any merit to the claim he makes that he can prove to the court I am dishonest and an unfit mother ( because of my affair) even though I never neglected or failed to meet any obligations children.
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.

You do not need to use a solicitor if you do not wish to - if he will not let you have more contact and you wish to do so then you will have to make the application on the form I gave you the link to.
The fact that you had an affair has NOTHING to do with the care of the children
Clare