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Ask Clare Your Own Question

Clare
Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 33312
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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, I am really scared of my ex partner since

Customer Question

Dear Sir or Madam,
I am really scared of my ex partner since I told him I am moving on with my new partner and am happy he has since been harassing me with calls, emails and turning up at my home uninvited at night. He is also a violent man he knocked out my two front teeth and had to get my dentist to replace them which was very costly he paid for in cash at the time I didn't report it as I was still in love with him. He has directly not paid me any child support whatsover. I am worried though as he came up to my mother and gave her some papers from his solicitor saying that he wants me to sign and say he is the father of my daughter but I don't want him to have any legal power over us whatsoever. I don't want him anywhere near me or my daughter. Please help me i am scared he will try to take me to court to get his name on the certificate or get nasty. I want to move away from essex start a new life in back home where my family are back in lancashire marry my new partner and for his name to go on the certificate. do you think a restraining order or firm solicitors letter would help? Many thanks. Katherine
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
How old is the child and what contact has your ex had with the child so far?
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hi Clare,

My daughter Isabella is seven years old she has had contact with my ex usually every other weekend and sometimes once during the week on the odd occasion but usually as and when he feels like it. His name isnt on her birth certificate or on any school records etc and he is not allowed to collect her from school. I have lived with my parents for a few years in my hometown and now I am in my own home in essex. He lives in Essex and I am now moving back to my family in the Lake district it is also where my new partner lives. My ex and I spoke on phone today and agreed to be friends (to keep peace) but he is unpredictable so I want to know that I am in a strong legal position in case anything happens. I am also scared to give him my new address. Thank you. Katherine

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
What contact have you offered your ex after the move?
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I haven't made any proper arrangements as yet. What do you think would be best considering his behaviour? I was thinking of supervised outing once a month after I have moved or possibly every other weekend if necessary the less contact the better though. I have had to be friendly to keep peace for myself and Isabella as don't want any further heartache from him or his family. Thanks. Katherine
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
How long does he have her at the weekend at the moment?
Does he have supervised contact at the moment?
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hi Clare,

sorry for the late response. Himself and his mother have in the past year since I have lived in essex have had my daughter every other weekend friday evening through to sunday, this hasn't been consistent and all communication has been through my mother as the mediator as I blocked his number due to sending me negative texts. I think from now on it is best supervised contact considering his unstable behavior. I have verbally agreed with him over the phone yesterday that he sees us both together one afternoon/eve per week after school (to keep him calm and happy) that is until I move away. I had to go out for a meal with him this evening which was the last thing I wanted to do but feel I have to keep the peace. I honestly do not want to see him ever again once I move away. He is very manipulative making me feel intimidated in my own home saying my new partner isn't allowed to stay with me at my home locally where his family could see us together which is ridiculous. He is also convinced he is going to get me in to a relationship with him after I have told him many times I m not interested. Many thanks. Katherine

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Why is his mother no longer suitable to supervise the contact?
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
As his temperamental Italian mother left me a nasty voicemail over Christmas while we were with my family in the Lake District shouting at me putting me down saying what is wrong with me why don't I let her speak to Isabella but I always do! she always expects me to chase and call her. Nothing I do is good enough. I have not stopped contact with her.. as yet I have let her stay with her most Friday nights. She does care for Isabella but all the family have now turned on me and I don't want them to manipulate my daughter against me in any way now she is getting older she understands more.
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
There is no need for you to spend any time with man - and indeed if you do do so then there is no basis on which either the police or the courts can help you with his contacting you.
Instead make it plain that you are not willing to discuss anything with him other than via family mediation - and if he does continue to harass you then you should report the matter to the police.
However I am afraid that the news is not good with regard to the legal position with regard to your daughter.
The law says that a child is entitled to contact with both parents and the courts will enforce this if necessary.
There appears to be no reason to stop the Friday nights with Grandma and father other than that the grandmother has upset you.
I am afraid that the court will not see this as a good reason to change the contact pattern.
Equally once you have moved away you will still be expected to offer overnight contact perhaps once a month/every plus extra in the school holidays- and to do at least half of the travelling so that she sees her paternal family in Essex.
Given your concerns it is reasonable for you NOT to want your ex to have Parental Responsibility until he proves that he will not abuse this so if he does apply to the court for PR you have an excellent chance of resisting this at least temporarily.
I am sorry to give such bad news
please ask if you need further details
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Dear Clare,

Sorry for the late response I was with my family in the lake district just got back to my home in essex. He sent my mum an email which she forwarded to me still wanting his name on my daughters certificate. Can he force himself to be added on to my daughters birth certificate without my permission by taking me to court? I dont think he would as his solicitor already warned him he has no legal rights even to spend time alone with my daughter unless his name is ***** ***** He advised him to start paying me to show that he is being supportive to have a stronger case and so I am going to change my account details next week. I am just scared of him taking me to court to prove he is the father when he has not supported us in any way financially in the past emotionally unstable as well as being a violent man. I am also now engaged to my new partner and we have decided to put his name on instead of my exs as he is a stable father figure in my daughters life and for additional protection. When I move away in a few months I was happy for my daughter to see my ex during the school holidays or every six weeks but now I am thinking of not giving him a forwarding address and even changing my name so he cant find me. Also I may have to warn him that I will be contacting the police taking further action if he continues to harrass me. Please let me know your thoughts and the best advise you can give me in the situation for the best interest of myself and my daughter.

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
I am sorry but since he is not the biological father there is no basis on which your partners name can be added to the Birth Certificate
Equally I am sorry but legally your daughter is entitled to have contact with her biological father and changing your name and trying to hide will simply not work.
If he applies to the court for a Declaration of Parentage and a DNA test is done then his name will be added to the Birth Certificate.
However that would not give him Parental Responsibility for the child.
That can only be given by you re registering the birth or signing an agreement or by the Court.
You MUST go to family mediation to discuss matters
Clare

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