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Ask Clare Your Own Question

Clare
Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 33283
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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i have just split from my partner who I have three children

Customer Question

i have just split from my partner who I have three children with.. she is letting me see and have the two older children (5 and 6) two days a week and over night on these days. I have done this for a very long time and have played an active role in theres lives. my other child is 7 months old and I have played a very active role in her life too, looking after her during the days while her mum was at college but never got to have her over night or stay over night with my partner and or my child apart from Christmas when she was 5 months old. I have everything for my child to stay and am more than capable and trusted to look after her... as I have had the kids on a number of times when my partner wasn't around the longest being a week, but this was before the baby was born but shows she trusted me enough. when we split I did go off the rails and did think about suicide and I did try and get answer from my partner texts phone calls and on the doorstep. I have a very little bond with my youngest and have told my partner this from day 3 till now and she has kept me at arms length from her, felt like I was babysitting not bringing up my daughter like I did the rest of my children. I was in no state at the time to take the children and didn't, yet she still said I could have the two older kids still overnight so she does trust me to look after them, but I still cant have the youngest overnight and her reason is that she sleeps in bed with her and she cant sleep in bed with me because I smoke, I would never have my child in bed with me as I think it is very dangerous, I never smoke in the house and the house is clean and well heated. I have smoke cannabis on and off over the years which my partner knew about before we even started having kids, She is trying to use this against me as another reason not to have her over night... i have stop smoking cannabis and cigarettes. can she stop me from having my youngest over night. thanks jo
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
How long has it been since you used cannabis?
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

its been a week

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
What is your current pattern of contact with the baby?
What happened when you had the baby overnight at Christmas?
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

very little contact over the last three weeks since we broke up, some of it to do with me being unable to cope and not being able to have her after the breakup, I have found it very hard to bond with this child as I have not really played an as active role as I would have liked and have done with my other two children and it is not from lack of trying and being there for her,it has been made very hard for me to spend quality time with her, before that everyday and I was looking after her on my own while her mother was at college, did feel like I could only have her if her mother wasn't there.... at Christmas me and my partner were together still and I stayed at her house in her bed with the baby... everything went fine.

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
So the separation is very recent.
have you now agreed a set pattern of contact for the time being - what contact has she actually offered?
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

we separated about 2 years ago and I moved out and have not lived with her since. I have had the older two children every Monday and Tuesday and overnight on these days, I think will stay the same. The baby I have been told I can have during the day on a mon and tues, the reason for this is that the baby is not ready to leave her yet. the baby is good as gold and sleeps all night, is bottle fed and eats food and has done so for for 3 months, the baby sleeps with mum in her bed, when she is in a cot she says she will think about me having her overnight. I have played a very active role in bringing up my children as well as taken on two girls that my ex partner had already. the relationship was for about 12 years.

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
I am sorry I misunderstood the situation - my fault entirely.
The law says that a child is entitled to have regular contact with both parents and the courts will enforce this if necessary
However in this case it is more about how contact will progress
At this early stage it would be better to try and negotiate with your ex using Family Mediation
www.familtmediationhelpline.co.uk to agree a time when over night contact will start.
If she will not agree you may have to consider a court application - but try and wait until your system has been clear of drugs for at least a month
Please ask if you need further details
Clare

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