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Ask Clare Your Own Question

Clare
Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 33283
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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Morning, that was quick, this is XXXXXXX I am a grandmother

Customer Question

Morning, that was quick, this is XXXXXXX, I am a grandmother to two children, need research, advice on my youngest granddaughter two yrs old in May. My daughter and baby moved back home to live with us, the father very difficult and troublesome, yet clever, very threatening ie orchestrating a situation to try and make out that my daughter is unfit mother, very spiteful (she is a nurse), have received court papers re access , wish to ask ,math at when daughter goes to court, can any other charge or order be applied

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
What contact has the father asked for
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thanks, ***** ***** threats not going to bring her back , very controlling person father feels he can have access at will and on demand, after 4 months (left 2 days before Xmas) my daughter (mother) has daily negotiated (emotionally draining) and he's very difficult, she's managed to get in place, access tues overnight regular, couple hrs on a thurs for tea?, with overnight stay every other weekend. My hubby has ensured that our daughter has full support from us, and we have made sure father has had availability to child for access, father has and does try to be difficult,Myers self employed works at a unit and sells parts on Internet, when it suits him, he can finish work for hobbies or socialising, but he's adamant about not collecting baby before 5.45, which as he knows is late, if he wishes to return 8pm, as mum keeps her in routine,, bath bed for 7 pm or 7.30 latest, father States not enough access time etc and won't collect earlier to suit his needs. However baby does go to nursery 3 days week, yet he can turn up at 12 noon and take her out of nursery which has caused anxiety, disrupting routine for baby, also via face to face and in tel conv he has said she will not return, in past. We have other issues and concerns, which may seem petty but we can see that father is clearly trying to make out that the mother and ourselves are not suitable, eg, he left the family home, was rented, on xmas day returned to home empty he knew family were out to arranged lunch he was included, but chose to empty home of all his belongings, took utility readings and redirected mail, went across road back to live with parents, gets worse, father got the landlord convinced of something and a possession order was issued after landlord agreed verbally to renew contract to stay,mit goes on,mshe trouble and harassment was upsetting and daughter felt unsafe, and we helped for them to come back live with us, we not too far away. There has been no reasonable conversation throughout, father we feel is just out to cause as much distress as possible, getting at daughter at any opportunity, due to his background , power and authority, this is intimidating , and we don't know what to expect next. Ie on collection for access recent by me on handover, father enquired to EXCEMA to forehead from stress living with us? I pointed out that baby just eaten two yogurts, a tiny speck was dried on forehead, two days later, daughter received text from father that,mbaby learning new words, he wished CxxT wasn't one of them ,,, devastating this was, baby had tried previous day to say, I can't, or I won't, we were wondering which, this is from nursery and we checked with nursery, this was same day he collected baby from nursery at 12 noon, sent text at 1pm. Sorry lengthy, but trying to give you background to help with any advice to give us. There's lots more, including when at their family home father rammed daughter against door, she reported to police,supposedly in confidence, but child's father aware 3 days later and gave daughter hell over this, hence she was safer coming back here with us. In writing this, I've dropped my guard, my name is ***** ***** opening question, and contents here is evident who we are, I must request that my question, , and contents here is NOT made public , please, with respect, I am sure I can give 5 star feedback somehow, thank you kindly, if you say no, I've just caused myself trouble as the father is constantly on, lives and breathes the Internet, I will get trouble. The court papers say access ? Father States only has one hour twice a week, and baby not always available to him (I think he's refering to the chest infection baby had with high temp, and mother advised father prefer to stay with mum due to being so poorly and upset, father stated he was more than capable? Under dispute, father is XX and not very capable, and would prefer more permanent arrangements, which he has already got in place. The access I feel is not the issue here,I' feel it's the control that he doesn't have over either the mother or the child, I've been more than polite at handover during access talking to him re if baby fed just changed etc all chat to welfare, noth ing else, for baby's sake, but , father very quick to spit out comments nasty all the time,marrying to get a reaction. I am not familiar with law, but would it be in Babys best interest if my husband and I, or me, could we be considered for shared guardianship with the mother? I am concerned that papers say for court,access , but, on the day at court, can other orders be put in place without us being aware beforehand? And what can we do to prepare, or any advise to ensure baby is not taken away from the mother ,,, intimidation at daughters workplace started from a family member which was resolved at work Please do not make this post public,I could jeopardise things,I'm am worried. I help care for elderly mother who is very ill XX yrs old,mand I help both daughters with child care, I am not working, I had £80 in the bank,mand have shared this with you,moor baby,mi wish I could afford to have you permanently online, thank you for any advice, and more so,mr hank you fir your time in reading,mam sorry to trouble you,mbut I am very grateful, more than you realise, kind regards ***** *****

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Dear Clare,
I am panicking ,,, too much personal info given by me in question (my name) and personal info in response to ask you for advice, I am so upset, and was desperate for advice ,,, but did not intend my post being made public, only just read this info after replying to you.
I can't register my password, it won't load the page, to enable me to edit the post , before you reply, I can't do this, I have tried, but it's not loading ,,,,
I have sent email to ask for help assistance,mid all else fails to secure my identity and personal info given in post,
Ho dear, I just needed some advice
I didn't wish to expose my identity or for others to use as screen shots against me , now I feel I could cry in using this facility, please help
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Sorry to trouble you Clare
I can't log in or get password, won't load still to enable me to edit, prior to reply,
Please may I request your assistance in editing most of the contents in my post to your reply, and remove my name please, this facility won't allow me , I don't want to cause trouble if others read, all is the truth,mbut I have exposed the whole family, please help, so sorry
Have learnt my lesson here,mand should not have been tempted to ask for advice, by the speed of this facility, this is brilliant, yet, I didn't get chance to read the small print beforehand, this is my fault,mand I should of been more aware, I don't know what to do now, I can't get in touch any other way to ask for help to remove personal info that identifies this family, please help, so sorry
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Please please stop panicking.
It is going to be fine I promise.
I will get any names taken out so there is no way that he can happen upon it - and you can also ask the site to lock your question at the end of the process. All will be well
Now down to the actual issue.
Again do not panic - your daughter is clearly a good mother and there is no likelihood of the child being removed form her care.
In fact if she can stay strong she can use his application to help make her feel more secure.
As a starting point she should use the fact that he has made so many threats to retain the child and ask the court to state that the child resides with her.
Moving on the fact is that the baby does need a settled routine and 5;45 is too late to collect her for an evening contact
The current pattern of contact - alternate weekends plus one night in the week is in fact a good pattern - and adding an afternoon in the week (with return home by 6.30pm) is generous.
His lack of understanding of child care ( is evident and it is indeed clear that he is desperate to cause problems.
On option is to try and arrange for collection of the child to occur away from the house
IF her ex tries to push for a 50/50 shared care arrangement then you r daughter should refer to the Australian Research which proves that this is NOT in the best interests of children under 5
Stay calm and stay strong and do NOT worry we will sort the privacy part out
Clare

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