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Clare
Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 34106
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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I need help and advice reg my ex husband who was verbally

Resolved Question:

Hi I need help and advice reg my ex husband who was verbally abusive and I divorced him on grounds of unreasonable behaviour and been separated now for 12 years - I lived 2 years ago with another partner who also turned out to be abusive verbal and violent - I moved out and gave the 2nd another go and in doing so my 16 year old decided he didn't want to come back with me and moved in with his dad (1st one) he has lived there now 15 months and is now 17 years old and at college full time an pt work. His dad and I made a family based arrangement initially of 100 a month as he was only giving me 70 and we felt this was enough as I had shared care too. CMS told him he could get a lot more through them and I then agreed to 150 a month which I have never failed. I cut contact with my sons father completely due to his greed and controlling games as he wanted me to unblock his number and I said no so he's playing a game with CMS in which they are playing with him and it is seriously getting me down and having a massive impact on my condition of sarcoidosis- my blood pressure and eyes are at risk and I've made an appointment to see the citizens advice bureau this weds as this game needs to stop ASAP - I have had 3 advisors giving me even higher amounts and not one of them adds up to what they've give me on appear and not one can tell me how they've worked it out - I appreciate it's government based and I am a paying parent religiously but I need a third party to put this to a stop as I am a counsellor also as well as a part time parent with also a son of 11 - there is a lot more to say and I know I have grounds to continue but just need advice through yourselves as what CMS have done to me is wrong on every level and even though I've wrote to customer services I've had nothing back to advise me which leaves me no option but to take further - please advise ASAP tel *********** or *****@******.*** The new amount for CMS starts may 2015 and I've paid 150 every month as agreed - they didn't take into account my 1st son for last year and told me that was my fault as I didn't dispute it when the letter came through! I told them this was their assessment not mine and they should have asked the question to be able to work out the amounts but they said it's too late and they're not looking into that - they threaten with court even though I'm paying on time and as agreed but they've said I'm in arrears and are asking for 208 a month now but state that it's 47 a week - that doesn't even add up but yet they say I don't have a leg to stand on which I feel is really unprofessional as not one advisor has been able to tell me why 208 and one even said I should be payin 208 anyway it should be 199 which still doesn't add up - I'm frustrated, confused and feeling controlled as my ex keeps ringing them To get to me yet I can prove all agreed payments have been made Kind regards ***** *****
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
Ho w much do you earn and how old is the child who lives with you?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I'm now part time at 22.5 hours and earn 300

a week after tax and my child is 11 yrs old

thank you Wendy

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
What do you earn gross?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

hi I don't have a wage slip on me until I get home at 6pm and I can let you know my gross by either e mailing the slip or figure - I'm not the best at understanding all these figures on these NHS wage slips but I hope this is ok as I'm desperate to get to the bottom of this issue now

kind regards

wendy

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
That is fine.
Please also confirm what arrears you have been told you owe?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Thank you Clare and I will find that oit also

thank you

Wendy

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
That is fine - just add it when you can
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi Clare I've spoke to CMS and they've looked into it properly stating that 208.19 * 12 =£2498.20 and divide by 52 = 48 monthly but works out slightly more due to how their system works. I have agreed to pay 26th May as I always pay on 26th month due to pay day - my gross is 1726.50 monthly gross (gross pay 19771.95 ann) I've told them that my ex is trying to control me through them as u won't give him my contact as we did have an agreement in place but he wants a lot more so this has resulted in me paying a lot more - I do see my son and give him pocket money and is very unhappy at the min as his dad is using him too saying he can get a lot more out if me if he wants and this is upsetting my 17 year old - he is quitting college to

go in the army next year as he shouldnt be going through this and he too is becoming a victim

of control therefore my son wants to leave but his dad says he can't but he knows he can live with me again any time as life now is a lot better

thank

you for your patience regards

Wendy

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Your liability for child maintenance is basically 12% or 89% of your gross income - very roughly 3180 a month - less if your eldest son spends more than 52 nights a year with you.
At 17 it is up to your son what time he spends with you and his father has no say in the matter
I hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need further details
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi Clare I was just worried that they said they would take me court etc but there is no reason why they should as I've kept to all agreements and I need reassurance in this as it's a game my ex keeps playing and as a volunteer qualified counsellor I work on personal and prof development but I'm aware I struggle with control and manipulation and he knows this - what can I do to stop his game playing? I've wrote to customer services to say I divorced him on grounds if unreasonable behaviour as he was abusive!! I want an end to it just pay and live my life as normal as possible! Is there anything else I can do? Thank you for your time and that is all - once you've replied I will end there and thank you. Again

Wendy

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
When did you first hear from the CMS?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

it was march 2014 as I had an arrangement with my ex jan and feb last year - he then went to see if he could get more than we had agreed - I've just come back from cit advice and they think it's mental abuse that he's putting me through as ive told them everything he's doing through mind games - I struggle with control and manipulation and he's going through CMS to get to me as he has no contact with me now! They've said I've done everything I can paid on time and when stated so if he continues I need to seek advice from hope abuse help centre in Preston as I'm not going to continue worrying about going court etc as she's said they wouldn't have grounds any way I'm doing all I have to do but it's down to his mental cruelty that I'm struggling - I told them about me even seeking advice through you and they've said I couldn't do more if I tried hank you

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Have you always paid what CMS told you to?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Yes I've kept to it 100% Clare

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi Clare the CMS have been on the phone again to me stating that my ex has said I've not paid enough money to him and I've told them what his game is - i have called my bank and they are sending me statements to prove I've paid 150 every month from April last to April this year and the new payments are going to be made 26th may of 208.19 and every month till the 26th April 2016 - can I do anything to get him in trouble for mental abuse as this is what he's doing to get me to speak to him and I've seriously had enough so i have made an appointment to speak to HOPE domestic abuse in Preston next week as I'm struggling with his control and manipulation and this is what he is doing to get me to ring him which I will not do - please advise ASAP I'm struggling with this one thank you Wendy

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
How often has he done this - have you kept a log of events?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi Clare he's done this since I blocked his number last year as he was using my son and our arranged time together to get to me! and I'm exhausted with it all now I'm taking sleeping tablets as my mind is far too active with worry what else can I do as I'm going for personal counselling to work on control and manipulation as transferance from my own clients is affecting the therapeutic alliance and I'm developing symptoms of depression and cannot afford to go down this route as a counsellor who has to work on ones own personal development and of I go to a GP it will be logged etc so I feel isolated and stuck please advise what I can do

thank you Wendy

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Let us roll back a little
You have two boys - and your eldest is 17 and with Dad,
What contact do you have with him, and what contact does your younger son have with his father?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I have 4 children 2 of them grown up in relationships and Connor who is 17 - these 3 are the children of the ex Stephen who I'm struggling with! My youngest isn't his and although I'm not with either father I still have contact which is mutual and amicable with my youngest sons father so there is no problem there but Connors father is the problem

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Ok that is clear.
When is your eldest 17 and is there any reason why you cannot organise contact with him directly?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi Clare my son is 18 in November this year and I do arrange meetings with my son directly as I don't want anything to do with his dad now so this is why his dad is trying to get to me but through CMS

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Excellent that all makes sense and you are protecting yourself as best you can.
After the CMS became involved you made regular correct direct payments to your ex - but he continually told the CMS that you were not doing so - is that correct?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Yes that's right and now I've ordered my statements from my bank to prove I have done but every time he rings them they ring me and it's the same conversation every time so I'm getting to the end of my tether now but at least if I go to court over it I can prove I've done everything I have been told to do - I think they need to start looking at the parents that don't do as I religiously pay for my son and do more than most but want them off my back now

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Do they accept the bank statements once you send them?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi Clare it's the first time sending them so I'm Going to have to see but the amount of phone calls from them is just harassment after I've proved I'm a reliable source so I will take it court personally if it continues

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
HI
How many phone calls have you had - and have you kept a detailed record
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi Clare I'm going to call orange today and request a statement it's shocking the amount they've made becauseof him and my daughter is a litigation executive and even she's said its harassment as they've not listened to a thing I've said about what he's doing but I will keep you informed of how many calls as soon as I know thank you Wendy

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi Clare I have registered my phone now with ee and they have told me how to access my statements online and just looking at April and May this year 9 calls where made to me including them leaving a voicemail so that's not including April 2014 to march 2015 which was also in excess but when I get home it will be quiclear to check on my I pad than this phone - hope that helps

Wendy

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
How many times has he said you have not paid?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

At least 8 times approximately as he's also lied about it which I can prove also

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Does he tell them more or less every month that you have not paid?
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

No the calls he's made have been since last year but they dont call me once after him calling them they ring me several times threatening that he can turn it into them putting charges on top of what I pay but I pay through direct pay and pay on time and the amount thats been agreed so how can they threaten me with that if I'm doimg what they've asked of me? It's harrassment and ita no parents like me they should be targeting who is meeting every criteria of there's

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Once you have all your bank statements I suggest that you make a formal complaint to the CMS.
Make the complaint in writing details here
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/Global/Migrated_Documents/adviceguide/what-to-do-if-youre-unhappy-with-the-cms.pdf
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi Clare yes I've been advised to do that and do you agree that it's harassment from CMS and mental abuse from him as I've been advised now as a counsellor to have personal counselling myself, which isn't something I would have done without this ongoing torment .

this will complete my question from you once I hear from you and thank you again

kind regards

Wendy

Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
It is harassment but sadly that is what the CMS do.
It is certainly abusive of your ex - but it has a finite life span now
Clare
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