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Ask Clare Your Own Question

Clare
Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 33818
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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I am very depresses i have been married years and out

Customer Question

i am very depresses i have been married for 27 years and out of the blue my wife has filed for divorcei did not return the papers and then a mediator tried to contact me but left a really bad phone message and when i contacted her by email she did not respond and then i thought why should i it was a mediator my wife chose again without consulting me. now i have received a court hearing for the 25th sept and i dont know what to do...please help?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Thank you for your question.
My name is ***** *****
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
What is the hearing on 25th September for?
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

It's a notice of hearing in the family court at Watford.. The marriage of XXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXX the directions hearing will be heard by the district judge in chambers at the family court at Watford, sitting at, St Albans hearing centre the court building bricket road St Albans al1 3lu on 25th sept at 2pm the probable length of hearing is 30ins ( joke for 27 years) hope this helps

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Yes but what does it call the hearing?
Is it about finances or something else?
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

It's not very professional at all, what I told you was all that was on the front page on the 2nd page it is like a scruff photo copy of an application form which my wife and the mediator have signed is says in the top left corner notice of ( intention to proceed with) an application for a financial order.

Are you familiar with this? If not may be I could scan across

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Right thank you.
Because you have opted out of mediation your ex has applied to the court for the financial issues to be dealt with by a Judge,
This locks you into a Court time table - and any failure to observe it could lead to Costs Orders being made against you - an din some matters to imprisonment for contempt of court.
You will have been given a time tale for the production of certain documents (such as the Form E) and the hearing in September is simply the first stage of the the process at which directions will be given regarding any further information required before a formal decision can be made, or if there are none where a preliminary indication of the possible outcomes can be discussed.
IIYou can find a Form E here
and you should start the process of preparing the information
http://www.divorcefinance.co.uk/Downloads/Form%20E.pdf
It is not too late to try mediation -
Please ask if you need further details
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thank you

What if I wanted to use a mediator can I delay the court proceedings?

I don't want to use a mediator chosen by my wife particularly as I don't think they are very good

I beleive I am entitled to half of everything but she wants a mediator to get me to accept a lot less. Do you feel I could have a better chance not going through mediation or not?

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
If you wish to try mediation then you need to start it now - not in September.
If Mediation is showing signs of succeeding then you can both agree to the Court hearing being adjourned.
Mediation is simply about reaching an agreement - no more and no less
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

You have been great thank you for this it is so hard to deal with anything when you are at work all day I was so depressed that I could not see the point I'm anything you have helpede no end thank you so much....what if I don't want to deal with her mediator but she won't agree to another one?...I know she is just going to try and get me to agree to as little as possible because she will not be able to afford otherwise...will it look better at the hearing if I have tried with the mediator or will it not make any difference?

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
You cannot be sure that she will not attend mediation so find a local mediator you do like and try. If nothing else it will show that you are willing to deal with things now!
Clare
Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 33818
Experience: I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
Clare and 2 other Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

trying to find a good mediator when you know nothing about it is like a needle in a haystack are there any that you would recommend in the croxley green rickmansworth, watford area? i thought i was going to have the best sleep i have had until i got home and have now got another letter.....certificate of entitlement to a decree...a decree of divorce on 14th july....my immediate reaction is i dont want to be divorced and its a joke that she is blaming me for any breakdown when i have tried so hard with her...but she can just decide that she wants a divorce without any councillouring with out any indication she was going to do this...because it is all down to her getting as much money as possible because her father has met a girl in thailand who persuaded him to buy a flat abd the builders have gone bust and he is sending money gallour out there which my wife sees as her in heritance going so she is now trying to recoup this by stitching me up thats why she is trying to push it through quickly...ive been nothing but a good father and always tried to please her, but its nothing to do with that it is about the money, could you guide me on what options i have with regards ***** ***** please

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hi Claire you have not respond nded to my last reply did you get it . It is showing on here

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
My apologies for the delay
I am afraid that your failure to respond to the Petition has allowed your ex to move forward with the divorce - and it would be expensive to try and reverse this - if indeed there is any point in doing so.
You can find a local mediator here
www.familymediationhelpline.co.uk
It may well be that the outcome will not be a financially devastating as your fear - indeed you do not currently know what the proposals are
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I have responded to the dcree nisi explaining a few facts on the situation and the fact that she has done this without any indication or coucilling etc and got few things off my chest

I have looked up mediators and am unsure what to do ...should I contact new mediator or should I contact my wife's one and explain that I was not happy that I did not get a reply from her, I asked her what time I could call after work twice but they did not respond I have kept the email. You have been really helpful and comforting to know I can ask questions instead of stewing over them at work but do you think I should get a solicitor at this stage they are saying they cannot see me until 14 July that worries me.

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Replying the Form will have no legal impact - but if doing it has helped then it was well worth while.
Go back to the original mediator - they do understand how people feel so there will be no animosity!
You do not need a solicitor at this stage - you just need to work through the Form E question by question - one a day if need be!
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thank you Clare.....oh printed off that for it is very big I will work through this.

so there is nothing I can do to delay the decree nisi...I know its probably hopeless but its 27 years and it feels like im giving up without a fight.

I hear what you say regards ***** ***** do find that difficult because it feels like they are working for her...and \I know she is going to try and get me out on the cheap as she is going to find it difficult to cope ...I feel that we should split everything half and then i might be able to afford somewhere local so I can then still see my daughter..It feels like I have tried so hard for 27 years and now what ever I do I am going to be classed as the bad guy.. and I did not even want a divorce...sorry you have been so much help and stopped me jumping off the nearest bridge Thank you...LOL

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Nobody is classing you as the bad guy.
Your ex feels that the marriage is over - so there is nothing to be gained by delaying the Decree Nisi.
Instead say simply that you did not want the divorce but your ex did - you will find a great deal of sympathy for that position.
Please stop making assumptions about the financial outcome - they will colour your approach and make things worse.
The mediator acts for neither of you
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

The reason I say that my wife is doing all she can to manipulate situations even by opening my private letters and going through my private documents to make out to my children that I am not good when all I have ever wanted was a nice happy family and home...I am not sure if she will be any happier when Im gone she has been like this all the time first it was her health she thought she was going to die because her brother died when he was 40 then it was she wanted to move to Lytham St annes and hated the house and now her dad has met a girl in Thailand and he bought a flat and now the builders have gone bust and he has lost what she sees is her inheritance so she thinks by getting me out she will get some back...what is up with people, I dont know making me feel that this is all people are really interested in money and greed...sorry........youve been great...I will contact the mediator...but I dont see why she should get a £450,000 house when we only have 1 dependent child and I had paid the mortgage for 27 yearss...funny how she waited untill its all paid off...I know you cannot comment....but things like this that make me sad thanks again Mike

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
I do understand - and it makes it even more important that you do not allow your actions to help her in her portrait of you as unreasonable
She will not get as much as you fear
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Oh your brilliant..I did not think you would reply after I went bleating on....I really appreciate that..

Last night my 10 year old daughter was in cuffley camp with school...before I left work I so wanted to take my wife to a Chinese restaurant or something , but I know she would have said no..its hard...but I just stayed out until 10.30 instead

I am still battling with the idea of contacting the mediator..its so difficult to think straight when your emotions are up in the air...my wife works at hospital as a receptionist she has asked me if she can work 9 till 5 and then 8 till 11 I always say yes not a problem , because I love being with my daughter..how is she going to cope..I suppose she will still expect me to do it

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Oh your brilliant..I did not think you would reply after I went bleating on....I really appreciate that..

Last night my 10 year old daughter was in cuffley camp with school...before I left work I so wanted to take my wife to a Chinese restaurant or something , but I know she would have said no..its hard...but I just stayed out until 10.30 instead

I am still battling with the idea of contacting the mediator..its so difficult to think straight when your emotions are up in the air...my wife works at hospital as a receptionist she has asked me if she can work 9 till 5 and then 8 till 11 I always say yes not a problem , because I love being with my daughter..how is she going to cope..I suppose she will still expect me to do it

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
You clearly still care for your wife.
You need to speak to Relate - they help people who are separating as well as those who wish to stay together
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thank you

How can I prove I have paid all the mortgage if the payments have come out of a joint account?

Also can my wife include my mums house in the settlement even though I do not inherit it until she does..She is threatening me that she can, and if this is the case could I bring in her dads property then?

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
If you would like some help with the financial settlement feel free to ask another question using my name in the title - and give me the basic financial details
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Clare

I would like to know how I can prove ive been paying the mortgage for 27 years when money came from joint account.

We have a 3 bed end of terrace hose in croxley green which I think i saw one for sale recently at £450,000 we have 4 children 3 are now working and one has just bouight a house of her own the youngest is ruby and she is 10 and half and she has a kidney condition which my wife is going to use to get everything she can. Me and Ruby get on great she is alot like me, but because of her condition I probably could not get custody which my wife knows. I paid all the mortgage, council tax and water on the property and previously other bills ...I have checked and in order for me to live near by and be in a position that I was with out a mortgage or a very little amount to pay off I need £286,000 minimum because that is what a 1 bed room flat in Rickmansworth cost if i want some where for Ruby to stay I would need 2 bedrooms...also she needs me to be on hand so I can look after Ruby when she goes to work as a hospital receptionist...what other details do you need?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I replied on 6th july but have not had a response yet

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I have sent a reply a few days ago, please reply soon

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I sent a reply but have had no response could you advise me why?

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