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Thomas Judge
Thomas Judge, Lawyer
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 32986
Experience:  Over 25 years experience in law
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The mother of my child and I split up 6 years ago and she is

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The mother of my child and I split up 6 years ago and she is constantly texting me with nasty comments, ive been called a "disgrace" a "bad father" and alot worse, I have asked her to stop with the abuse and only contact me if its about my son's welfare but this is just ignored. In May this year I was diagnosed with severe depression and I am currently on medication and awaiting DBT. She has sent me texts saying that if she doesnt get to speak to my son when she calls she will call the police and ask them to come and collect him as she claims I am mentally unstable even though I had to provide her with a letter from my doctor stating that I am not a risk to anyone or myself. My son has started picking up words from other kids in school, words like "buttcrack and Gayboy" obviosuly I tell him off when I hear him say it. However, if she hears it then I get abusive texts blaming me for my 6 yr olds behaviour. The weekend just gone my son was in tears talking to me saying that her new partner "picks him up and throws him on his bed" for bad behaviour and that he has been driving at 100 MPH. When I have asked her about this she just says she wont get into it.  I have backed up all text messages and you can clearly see the abuse. I am worried about my sons welfare and really peed off about the constant abuse, what can I do about it

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
HiThank you for your questionMy name is ***** ***** do my best to help you but I need some further information firstAre you named on the Birth Certificate - and are there any court orders regarding Contact in place?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I do have PR as I am named on his birth certificate no court orders in place at the moment

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
What would you like to know about your current position?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

What are my options about the constant abusive text messages and also my concerns over my sons welfare. Its not right that her partner is throwing my son about, smacking him and driving at 100 mph with him in the car.

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
How often do you get texts of this sort?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Normally three or four times a week. I back them all up so can easily provide evidence

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
What is the current pattern of contact - how often is your son with you?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

he stays with me alternate weekends, i collect him from school on the friday and drop him off on the monday.

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Has your ex ever actually stopped the ocntact - and do you get extra time in school holidays?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Yes she has stopped contact in the past and she has said that if i took her to court she will request that i am assessed for my mental health despite me arranging for her to receive a letter from my consultant doctor confirming that I am not a risk to either myself or anybody else. She always threatens to stop contact still especially if she doesnt get her own way.

She demanded that I give her my son's passport, which I paid for she said that if I dont then she will stop me having him.

I do get extra time during school holidays when it suits her. I have never had him on Christmas morning and even though she drives and her mother and employer are literally five minutes away she will expect that I travel 7-8 miles each way to collect my son from her home or she stops me from having him.

This whole situation is causing distress and worry about what is coming next

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Then it is time to relook at the whole pattern of ocntactThe starting point is to try and discuss matters with your ex using family mediationwww.familymediationhelpline.co.ukYou should say that you wish to settle holiday contact (half of the school holidays) and maybe one night in the week.You can then raise your concerns about the texts - and make it plain that in future you will not respond to any abusive texts (indeed you may wish to adopt the approach taken by many of my clients and keep a phone that you only turn on when necessary for messages about the child)You can also talk about your concerns about the incidents reported by the child - but do remember that children are not necessarily the best of informantsIf an agreement is reached then there can be a consent order - and if it is not then you can apply to the court for a Child Arrangement Order - the ocurt will accept the letter that you have obtained and if she wants more information she may well have to pay for itI hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need further details
Expert:  Thomas Judge replied 1 year ago.
How aggressive are the text messages? I see that this part of your question hard not yet been answered.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Basically she said if I don't give her the passport she will stop contact with my son. I paid for the passport as she refused to do so. My son and I visit my brother in Spain every summer but she has got it in her head that the passport should remain with the main carer

Expert:  Thomas Judge replied 1 year ago.
I see. On this basis I would actually be minded to take this matter to court. Strictly speaking you do need to attend a mediation appointment (MIAM) but `I would be very surprised if things got any better. I think you need to formalise the relationship and as such an application to the court for a Child Arrangement Order - there are books available on amazon on How to represent yourself in the family court - which will help. Follow these steps to apply for a court order.Read the guidance - http://hmctsformfinder.justice.gov.uk/courtfinder/forms/cb001-eng.pdfFill in the C100 court formSend it to your local courtIt costs £215 to apply for a court order. Happy to discuss. Please rate positive
Thomas Judge, Lawyer
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 32986
Experience: Over 25 years experience in law
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