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Thomas Judge
Thomas Judge, Lawyer
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 32824
Experience:  Over 25 years experience in law
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THe father (Kevin )of my 6 year old daughter(sarah ) is

Customer Question

THe father (Kevin )of my 6 year old daughter(sarah ) is demanding access fri-sun overnights every other weekend and 50% of all holidays after an impulsive decision to move to the isle of white.We have never lived together and were not in a relationship when I fell pregnant.He is not on her birth cerificate but he is her father. For six years I have allowed him reasonable access to see her at my house and take her out one day at every weekend as she got older.He is a very impulsive character and often inappropiately manic and over the top in his interaction with her always teasing and name calling.She starts to behave very badly around him hitting him etc and calling him names which he encourages and finds funny. He goes to the local shops and often brags about how he has changed the labels over on expensive bread to get a cheap loaf and skipped fairs on the train etc. I have told him he is a father and setting a poor example to his daughter saying petty crime and theft is ok.He calls me too serious. His 10 year old son Harri from a previous relationship hanged himself last year.\harri lived full time with his mother and saw Kevin in the holidays. I was very concerned about Harri and told Kevin that I felt he was the victim of their parenting . The mother did nothing to limit his computer game play time and he was serially up until 2am on school nights playing call of duty and other violent video games , he was displaying violent aggitated behaviour.When he stayed with Kevin he was also up until 2 am on his ipad as kevin would often have to cancel his visits with sarah because harri was still asleep at midday. I told kevin he should intervene as Harris behaviour was getting worse and he did nothing. He passed it off as a phase and even agreed that boarding school would have been a good option for his son. HIs wealthy mum was sending him to boarding school as a punishment for his behaviour. I said to kevin it was all tantamount to abuse for Harri but he did not agree.The coroner at the inquest into harris death which kevin did not attend basically said that it was abusive to have allowed the video games and the 18+ violence but she was not prosecuted.The coroner wanted there to have been more newspapers present to make an example of his mum and warn other so the dangers of what she allowed. Kevin has been in denial about Harris death and has not acknowledged that the games were a bug problem. Harris mother jayne even sees now her mistakes and that she may inadvertantly have caused her son to hang himself. Kevin just brushes it off as a 10 year old prank. Also in the last few months kevin sold his house as it reminds him of Harri which was a*****from me and has impusively purchased a flat in the isle of white . I live in berkhamsted so its a 4-5 hour long commute to get there. He now wants to take sarah who has no history of overnight access on a friday after school to the isle of white every other weekend. I have said that wouldn't be fair on her at this stage with no overnight history and too much travelling for a young child.Also for the reasons above I do not feel I can trust him to be a responsible father and make sound judgements putting sarah first. He is currently dossing down at a friends house and sarah has stayed with him for one overnight so far in 6 years. He did not have a bed for her and said I had no right to challenge him over her sleeping arrangements, He does not think he needs to provide her with her own bed and had her sleeping in bed beside him.

What is the best way I can move forward with regards ***** ***** access demands?There is currently no formal arrangement in place. Do I have any legal grounds to believe he is not a responsible enough father with the history I have outlined

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
HiThank you for your questionMy name is ***** ***** do my best to help you but I need some further information firstWhen was the overnight visit?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

10th oct 2015

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Did it go reasonable well?Does he have family in the wider area?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Sarah was not distressed but I was concerned about

1. 12 year old girl took Sarah out for a long walk and visited public parks on Sunday morning unsupervised.

2. Her diet was almost exclusively sugary foods including 2 bottles lucozade which gave her a bad UT burning reaction.

3.he is staying with a friend in herts and there is no bed for Sarah.Not Isle of Wight yet

The nearest relative is his mother who lives in Enfield, Middlesex No relatives on Iof W

Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Would his mother's house be suitable for overnight contact?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

not really as she is a full-time professional carer in her home and all her bedrooms are occupied by adults with learning difficulties ( these people are not relatives)

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Clare still waiting for a response to my last information about Kevin's mother's bedrooms being occupied with learning difficulty adults She is a full-time professional carer

Expert:  Thomas Judge replied 1 year ago.
Let me see if I can help. If you do not agree to overnight contact then you can refuse to allow it to happen. He would need to apply to the court for overnight contact. You would be able to explain to the court all of the concerns which you have (as set out above) and the court would instruct CAFCASS to prepare a report in a case such as this. There are excellent books on this type of issue on Amazon on how to represent yourself in the family court. Happy to discuss further but please rate positive.
Thomas Judge, Lawyer
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 32824
Experience: Over 25 years experience in law
Thomas Judge and 3 other Law Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Clare replied 12 months ago.
You are correct - there is no question of overnight contact so far away straight away.
However you will need to be flexible and put forward proposals for how contact can progress to include overnight contact - possibly one night alternate weekends in a Travelodge or similar close to you and see how it develops.
However even if it goes well alternate weekends on the Isle of Wight are simply not viable given the distance involved - and the timing of the crossings
Visits to the island will have to be limited to school holidays or bank holiday weekends when there is time for the child to recover from the travel
You are right your ex does not seem able to prioritise the needs of the child, and part of what you need to do is show that you are willing to be flexible which will then highlight his failings.
Offer to discuss the matter with your ex using Family mediation

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