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ukfamilysolicitor
ukfamilysolicitor, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 763
Experience:  Qualified Solicitor Currently specialising in Family. Also experienced in Corporate, Employment, Civil Litigation, Debt Recovery
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I have seperated with my partner one year ago. We have

Customer Question

Hi
I have seperated with my partner one year ago. We have a 2year old daughter. It took me a long time to end this relationship, as he was using all the ways to keep me with him, from suicidal threats to making me feel guilty and responsible for everything.
He knows exactly where to hit and what to say to make me think twice, as we used to spend a lot of time together. During this time I have learned that he is the most selfish, narcisstic person, with no respect to anyone or anything, but he is also a great actor. Currently he made me look crazy in the eyes of most people, claiming that our relationship ended because I was cheating on him, which isn't true. My self-esteem, confidence was at it's lowest when with him.
Anyways, once he moved out, he left all his belongings, including furniture, white goods etc. as he went to live with his parents and there was nowhere for him to store it. He was waiting for some money which he got this year so he can rent his own place. If I'm honest, I do have concerns for him to be fully capable of taking care of our baby. He does have medical recorods of mental illnesses, so does his mother, who was trying to commit suicide few times. His father attacked his mother, in a winter last year with a knife, them lock himself in for few days, not letting anyone in. I let my ex to spend new years eve with me, as he didn't have nowhere to go.
He is being absolutely disrespectful towards me and my family, I thought we would be able to make an agreement without taking any court actions. I was struggling to start with our break up, regarding the childcare, as he was too busy getting drunk, Ive missed many days at work etc, but I thought I'd give me a chance at being a father.
He asked me to prepare a plan, on which days he will be seeing Hanna, so I did. Based on this plan, everything was going fine. I thought he will understand why I can't be with him and everything will be fine.
But for the past few days, he is behaving very suspicious. Since he got all the money he needed, and he is planning to rent his own house any time soon, he came to me saying, he is taking everything he paid for, which include essentials such as washing machine and vacuum cleaner, saying it will be gone within two days.
For the past year, he didn't pay me anyting for a baby, as I didn't want to, I said to him he still don't need to pay, as long as I can keep some stuff. Just because he will use all the ways to make my life miserable, he started to be a bit aggressive with me, so I have started deffending myself, saying there is something I deserve after all the job I am doing. I said, he can take anything he wants, as long as he pay me 1k, for the past year and for the storage of his stuff. It was a long SMS conversation, from arguing to him all of a sudden changing his mind, saying he just want a TV and he won't pay me anything.
Tonight, he came to take his dog for a walk, as the dog still lives with me, and I have prepared an agreement between me and him on what to agree regarding raising our child.
I did it in our mother language, but as soon as I was passing this to him, saying 'just read, sign it and return it me' he started to laugh into my face, saying it should be in English, in case of a court action. I wanted him to hand it back to me so I can translate it,but he just ignored me and turned his back at me. I have reached to take the papers from him, he didn't want to give them back, we had a bit of a pushing about, after that with all the madness in his eyes he lifted his fist above me, all I said was 'don't you even dare'. Then he just walked away a few steps and spit right into my face.
All I am concerned about is my daughter, I don't know if the atmosphere in his house is good, I know about his mental disorders, as well as over using of alcohol and drugs. He keep saying he doesn't do it anymore, but I don't belive him.
He turned my life into a right hell, it was fine for a few months, but now it's becoming even worse. I have my reasons to believe he is capable of anything. Yesterday he made a threat that I should be careful what I'm saying to him, if I don't want any trouble. I also got suspects that he might try to escape with our kid somewhere abroad as he insists on getting a passport for her, so he can take her for holiday, which I think is an absurd as she is only two, doesn't spent more than 2 days a week with him.
My question is what are my rights as a mother? What can I do to protect myself and a baby?
I would appreciate any advice and thanks for your help
Regards
Agnieszka
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello
Welcome to Just Answer
I am a Solicitor and will assist you.
I am sorry to hear about the difficulties that you are experiencing with your ex.
Please may I ask:
- what is the current regime for contact?
- How long has this been in place?
- is he meeting your daughters basic needs?
- have threats been made to remove your daughter abroad?
- does your ex have links abroad?
- has your ex been violent to you?
Kind Regards
Caroline
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
He is taking her from morning till the evening, twice a week, plus she is staying over nights once in a while. This has been in effect for about 10 months. He does meet a basic needs, but once she is there I have no confirmation of what she is doing, he is trying to totally seperate one house from another, that includes dividing everything he is buying for her and making it his belonging. All he is trying to do is to make me look crazy and only making word threats, and the next day predenting and acting like nothing happened. He has a family abroad in Poland. All he thinks about and care about is himself, as many times as he is coming to pick our daughter up he does shout and argue with me in front of her. And yes, he has been violent to me many times, for the time we still have been together, there were moments he was locking me up in the house, not allowing me to leave a room and forcing me to sit and listen to what he has got to say. He was coming into a room in a middle of the night, waking me up, drunk. and making me listen to how terrible I am. And tonight it was a third time since I know him, he told me to shut up or he will hit me.
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello
Thank you for your response.
I think you should consider reporting what happened tonight to the police. Spitting is offensive and he should not be acting aggressively towards you.
The police could decide to give your ex a harassment act warning to prevent further such action.
If your ex continues to threaten you and be abusive towards you and the police don't take action to protect you - then you should consider applying for a non molestation order.
In relation to you daughter - it is the courts view that children should have a good relationship with both of their parents unless their are child protection concerns. You have detailed lots of issues including his mental health, domestic violence, drug and alcohol misuse. I am also concerned that your daughter has witnesses the violence - this will affect her emotionally.
From what you have described - I consider that the contact between your daughter and your ex should be supervised until your concerns can be alleviated. Do you know anyone you could trust to supervise? if not consideration should be given to a supervised contact centre.
If your ex doesn't agree then he can make an application to court for a child arrangements order so the court can decide what time he spends with your daughter. The court will take into account all of your concerns and contact will only be ordered if it is safe for your daughter.
Your ex would have to make a referral to mediation before he could make an application to court. Mediation is a way of trying to agree matters without the need for court.
You should not give your daughters passport to your ex. If your ex takes your daughter from your care and will not return her then you should make an application to a family court straight away for return of your daughter to your care and also a prohibited steps order to prevent your ex removing again. A prohibited steps order can also be made to prevent your ex removing your daughter from your jurisdiction.
You need to start by calling the police and reporting what has happened tonight. You should then call a family solicitor tomorrow to explain what is happening so that they can assess if an urgent non molestation order is required to protect you.
Legal aid is still available for non molestation orders.
If you don't require an urgent non molestation order - then you might still be able to get legal aid to have a solicitor help you in respect of you daughter. See this link:
https://www.gov.uk/legal-aid/domestic-abuse-or-violence
Please do not hesitate to ask if I can clarify anything for you.
Kind Regards
Caroline
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ukfamilysolicitor, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 763
Experience: Qualified Solicitor Currently specialising in Family. Also experienced in Corporate, Employment, Civil Litigation, Debt Recovery
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for your advice, I will definitely consider all of your options. It's just a fact that I hate arguments and I am always trying to find my ways of figuring things out, but I have realised tonight, we won't get nowhere without some expert help. Thanks again, I will probably wait till the next time, before going to the police, as I won't lie, I am afraid that it can make things worse and only turn him on to pay it back somehow. I will sleep with it tonight, as I got work in the morning, I might go to the police station on my way back home at least for some further advice.
Have a good night. Thank you once again
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello
You need to be able to live in peace and he needs to know that he can't treat you this way.
I wish you all the best.
Kindest Regards
Caroline

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