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Jo C.
Jo C., Barrister
Category: Law
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Experience:  Over 5 years in practice
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I have had a difficult time after my relationship breakdown,

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Hi, I have had a difficult time after my relationship breakdown, long story short partner left wife for me, decided wife was more amenable as I won't put up with crap, started rebuilding it with her whilst still sleeping with me, lying to both of us but I caught him with his wedding ring on, huge row but we still had contact sexting, phone calls and physical contact, last time being March/April this year just before he moved back in with his wife (they had instigated divorce by 2 years when we started seeing each other), she knows nothing. I feel so angry he has just got away with it all, I had been texting a couple of times in bad moments telling him what I thought (he is a nasty individual), but this last weekend Friday I wanted to cleanse myself a bit so I wrote a long heartfelt confession to his wife, it was basically my background (he was my first relationship in nearly 9 years after I was bereaved), I wanted to give an insight into why I think I kept going back to him even after we seperated, it was very heartfelt, had no swearing in it, no explicit details, I just gave times of when we were intimate while he has been back with her, of course I didn't send it but I told him I had to see if he'd take responsibility for his actions and tell her. He firstly sent me the harassment law threatening it, but then later into Saturday morning sent me a text saying because of my behaviour maybe a picture of me in stockings showing my arise (he has a thing about that, addicted to porn! And we were very sexual), I did a couple I'm afraid as an apology, then he sent a message last night saying his solicitor has advised him that any past and further communication can be used for harassment suit, long way to get to it but surely that text itself re the picture of my arise proves he feels no harassment (I have to say he know how kind I am, he was very manipulative, he knows I wouldn't tell his wife) and certainly no danger as the act states? Also theoretically if I sent my confession to his wife, it is not nasty or threatening, just a confession for my actions, is this harassment? Or just me confessing?
Long winded sorry but basically the 2 questions: does text prove he feels no harassment or would he have a case and is sending his wife a 'confession' from my point of view not blaming him with no swearing, nastiness, threats or explicit details harassment?
Thank you
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.
Hi.

Thank you for your question. My name is ***** ***** I will try to help with this. Have the police been involved in any of this?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
No never because I've only told the truth ever in any texts just about how he treated me and how upset I was, he basically would have to lie if he reported me. It's purely to scare me into not confessing to his wife I think and to have that power over me but surely by sending a text asking for an intimate picture disproves any harassment claim? And I wasn't sure whether sending a non threatening informative letter to his wife is indeed harassment? Hopefully that makes sense
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Of course just seen it's put an 'i' in the words above but you get the idea (my backside basically was the picture requested)
Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.
No, but you made contact with his wife which is harassment. You have actually done this already?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
No I haven't made any contact at all, that's just it, it's only been texts between us, I just thought about it and told him I had put a letter together, which I had, but I wouldn't send it, it was really to get my feelings out, she is still blissfully unaware. I guess I wanted to see whether he would take any responsibility for his actions as I feel pretty bad about it all and my part in it and I suppose I want him to feel a bit of guilt as well and maybe feel a little sorry for how he's treated not just her but me, but he obviously doesn't, I'd never send her anything, no matter how much I may want to hurt him, there's no point hurting, she probably wouldn't believe it anyway as he's so good at lying and manipulating you, you'd think red was black by the time he's finished talking to you! I suppose I was a bit naive and didn't think a confession on my part would be harassment of her as surely it would be just telling her the truth, which he can't deny and the fact that he has been in touch with me asking for intimate pictures means he can't base the harassment for himself, which is what he means I think, as he's obviously fine with sending me requests like that, I thought that would make any harassment claim on his own part for himself obsolete as wouldn't they conclude that he doesn't feel harassed because of how he's responded with such a request. Thanks.
Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.
You mean between you and him?
Has he asked you to stop contacting him?
This very definitely would be harassment. He is absolutely right. Whether you are telling the truth or not is a non issue. It has no other purpose than to cause problems for him which is the clearest instance of harassment I can imagine. To be wholly honest, I wouldn't even agree to a harassment warning as the damage is done when a person makes contact with somebody's spouse. If I were advising it would be a charged and sending to court.
If you haven't done it yet then just don't. It is not too late.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
No I'm not going to do it, I never was going to, he knows this really he just wants to make sure I won't. And no he's never actually ever once asked me to stop contacting him, he just never responded to previous texts, they were usually just little updates of what I was doing if I was visiting somewhere we'd been. She knows absolutely nothing and it will stay that way from my end. This has given me the wake up I needed really, I have been feeling so angry that he has been able to just treat 2 people this way and effectively get off scott free whilst I am left hurt and she would be if she knew, but I know that will heal in time, he thinks it's okay what he's done, but I can't force him to feel guilty because he never will, he was a very toxic person to be in a relationship with and it has left me with some scars that I am getting through, I just get the urge to contact her but I won't be telling her at all, unless of course she asked me outright herself but I don't live near them so that will never happen, but as it stands I have never contacted her and I will make sure I don't ever, and I will not contact him again either even if he has never said to stop, of course it's the sensible thing to do. I will just try some rethinking techniques I've learnt when I feel angry and the urge to contact him to let him know I'm angry and put it into something else, that has given me the push I needed to know that I should not contact him again then after your advice above, that was the wake up I needed as I was being naive and could get myself into all kinds of trouble so thank you for your assistance and advice.
Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.
I don't think he can take any action against you actually behave in a harassing way.
I suppose at the very highest point the threat to do this might amount to a communication act offence but that is grasping at straws really.
Unless you know this lady personally though I think any contact at all would be dangerous.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for that. You are right as I don't know this lady personally and it's extremely unlikely I'll ever meet her as she's in a different town in my county where I never go I would be making a rod for my own back and like you say there would be a case if I contacted her now! If he contacts me again I shall ensure I don't respond also to him. I just have to remember like you say that contact with his wife would be dangerous and get on with my life now, it has helped to lift a bit of a weight actually as I was being silly and convincing myself that I was right and I won't do that longer, I'd just be hurting myself more than anything and jeopardising my career etc. Thank you again, you have been a big help and I shall do the rating now. Kind regards, Jenni
Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.
No problem and all the best.
Please remember to rate my answer.
Remember that I am always available to help with your questions. Even if I am in Court I will usually pick up a question within 12 hours. For future information, please start your question with ‘For Jomo1972’.
Jo C., Barrister
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 69775
Experience: Over 5 years in practice
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