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Clare
Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 34586
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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Morning! I have an agreement (through a letter between solicitors

Resolved Question:

Morning!
I have an agreement (through a letter between solicitors but not through the courts) with my husband that he has our children (aged 9 and 11) from 3.30pm until 7.30 on a Tuesday evening. Previously the arrangement was that he put them in after school club then picked them up, took them to his house - 5 mins away and then had time with them until dropping them at mine at 7.30pm. This worked well. Our eldest has now started secondary school so the routine was that she comes back to mine, does her homework and then my ex husband picks her up about 5pm. However the arrangements have changed a lot recently. My ex husband now lives 25 mins away from me at his girlfriends house. The girls share a room there but don't have many belongings from what I can gather. Tuesday evenings now for our 11 year old consist of being in the car about an hour, spending about an hour in a house where she doesn't have many of her things and only seeing her dad for about 45 mins outside of the driving. Our youngest has football club at the place where his girlfriends house is so my ex husband has to drop her there and pick her up - hence why my eldest doesn't see her dad for long. The last few Tuesdays my eldest has really misbehaved as she doesn't want to go with her dad as she doesn't enjoy it.
Legally where do I stand? Last night she had a toddler tantrum for about 20 mins because she didn't want to go with her dad tonight. She is not normally like this but has been lately with him. As a mother I want to ensure she is happy and I know that she isn't at the moment with the Tuesday routine. The overnight and weekend routines seem to be better - or at least she tolerates them. She would rather not see her dad at all but I know it's important for her to be in contact with him.
My ex doesn't seem to understand her point of view and forces her to do what the routine is but I would like to cut her some slack and maybe have the Tuesday routine as every other week?
He sees the children overnight every other Thursday and every other weekend Friday to Sunday. Any advice would be great. She is 11 now so surely she can start to make these decisions?
Thanks
Lucy
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
HiThank you for your questionMy name is ***** ***** do my best to help you but I need some further information first.Does the Overnight contact still go ok?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Sometimes. Immy does try not to go with my ex husband and given the chance she would stay with me. Lately she has been having strops with my ex husband - much more than with me.
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi
The starting point is to try and discuss matters with your ex using Family Mediation and a Mediator trained to work with young people so that your daughters views form part of the discussion
If he still refuses to attend then you can simply say that Tuesday nights are too much for your daughter and will only happen on alternate weeks - and then simply do that.
If your ex objects and wishes to apply to the court he will have to go to mediation first anyway
I hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need further details
Clare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you. Would the courts see a 25-30 min commute to school in the morning too much for the girls every week? His latest response is that they should stay with him overnight on a Tuesday to minimise the driving time. My eldest picks up her friend at 8 am so they have to leave his girlfriends house at 7.30 and that means my youngest is up early as well even though she doesn't need to be at school until 8.40. When all the arrangements were made my ex lived 5 mins away not 25-30 mins away.
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
It i snot likely to be seen as a major problem I am afraid - after all they cope with it on alternate Friday's - and the most obvious answer would be not to pick up the friend.....
However I suggest that you say that these are issues that can be dealt with in Mediation
Clare and other Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thanks. My youngest is struggling with alternate Fridays as she has to get up so early and she isn't a morning person. Thanks for your advice.