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Jo C.
Jo C., Barrister
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My son and his wife are having domestic arguments. She has

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my son and his wife are having domestic arguments. She has attacked him in the past and tonight they had physical fighting. She has been telling lies to everyone and he has been isolated from his friends and almost from his family. After their argument tonight (where she bit him) she has called the police and they have said he is not to contact her tonight and they wanted to know where he is. I would like to know what he can do. There are two small children involved as well.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Harris replied 1 year ago.
Hi, thanks for your question. I am a qualified family law solicitor.
What are the police doing about the allegation, and has he made a cross allegation regarding her domestic violence?
The first issue he will need to consider is whether or not he will be separating after this incident as this will regulate how he proceeds.
If he wishes to separate then he needs to consider obtaining a non-molestation and possible occupation order. The non-molestation order is in relation to protecting him from future abuse, harassment, intimidation and possible contact with his wife. The occupation order will state who is to live in the family home. He will need to prepare a statement regarding the history of incidents and the most recent incident and why he should be the one that resides in the property. If he is putting himself forward as the main carer of the children then this will reinforce his position for occupation of the family home, however this may likely be contested by his wife. This application can be done to his local family court under form FL401and there is no court fee. He will need to consider whether he wishes to do this as a matter of urgency (therefore without-notice to his wife).
In relation to the child arrangements, if he decides to separate they need to come to an agreement about who the children live with and what the arrangements for the non-resident parent will be. The first point of call would be a referral to mediation (local family mediators can be found here: http://www.familymediationcouncil.org.uk/), however as there has been alleged domestic violence this my not be appropriate. If mediation does not work and no agreement is reached then he will need to submit an application to court under Form C100 and a £215 court fee for a child arrangement order.
As this is going to be a very difficult time for him, he will need to think through his options before deciding whether to return to the family home and reconcile.
Please let me know if you have any further questions regarding this.
Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.
Are you asking about the police interest in this matter?
Jo C., Barrister
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 69786
Experience: Over 5 years in practice
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Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.
Hi. I was expecting to discuss this more than that? You can respond for free and I will be able to help with the criminal matter?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi, I am the son in question, i have a few questions to ask if that is ok (im not quite sure how this works) thanks
Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.
Hi. Yes, how can I help?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
myself and wife had an argument on the weekend, it got a bit physical (on both sides) no punches or slaps just more of a wrestling match, anyway the police were called by someone (not sure who) and spoke to my wife and children and saw no needed for further action to be taken (arrests or social services) and deemed the situation done and dealt with (i had left the house by this point). The situation we thought was over, we had agreed to put it down to a blip and if it were to happen again to leave the relationship as the kids saw briefly what had happened and we didn't want that to happen again. My youngest (3) told her teacher this morning that i had hit mummy, the teacher has then escalated this to the head teacher and head teacher, who called it upon himself to do further investigating!He pulled my 3 year old out of class and interview her and ask questions such as... has daddy ever hit you, to which she responded 'yes, we have bruises' he then pulled in my 5 year old and ask similar questions, at this point the head teacher and an early years teacher decided to take the clothes off of my children and check for bruises! qhich of course he didnt find any! he then pulled my wife in to the office and tell her all of this! she had told him that the police had visited and saw no risk and had left the situation, but the head teacher said he feels that social services should be invovled and has contacted them.My first question is is there anything i can do about the social services? what do we do? how do we deal with this?my second question is, i feel the head teacher has acted inappropriately and violated my childrens rights! and feel he has prayed on them in a vulnerable situation and feel that we should have been made aware of this before this happened and a position of authority should have been present! (we still have no idea who this other person was)my third question is, i believe my wife might potentially use this against me in the future, she has already stated that if it means the kids not seeing me so that she doesnt lose the kids then so be it! where do i stand?thank you
Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.
Yes, well, it is the nanny state I'm afraid. Perhaps if they got on with teaching children useful skills like how to read instead of sticking their noses into personal disputes we might have a workforce to rival China.
Social services are quite unlikely to do much at this stage other than to conduct interviews. They are not going to turn up and remove children arising from one allegation that actually seems to be disputed.
On your second point, I do actually completely agree with you but there isn't much point in taking it further. The head teacher will just defend on the basis that domestic abuse is a terribly serious threat in this country eating it's way through the flower of womanhood and therefore they had no option but to make a report.
Your wife probably will try to use this against you. That will have been the purpose of the report and also probably she told your daughter to reveal this information. She is not going to stop you seeing the kids on this basis. There is no realistic possibility of that. The days when making allegations of abuse stopped contact having long gone.
You are right to be concerned and annoyed. I am a long standing criminal hack and my own personal view is that most of these domestic reports should be resolved with a wasting police time fine. It is amazing that they all suddenly remember their partners chanting Satanic verses whilst wearing hoods during black masses when they are being divorced.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
What do i do from here on out? No one has currently heard my side of events, everyone is under the impression i am some sort of woman beater when infact she has been the aggressor for many years, she has attacked me on a number of occasions but i have just dealt with it, the last couple of times she has kicked off i have got physical with her grabbing her and wrestling etc, but never hit her! she has slapped me punched me on a number of occasions, and even this incident on the weekend she started by kicking me multiple times as i didnt want to leave the house, i have no evidence of these incidents but do have a couple of witnesses of markings on my body, what if she brings this up when it comes to the children what can i do? i dont want either of us to lose the kids, but at the same time i dont feel she is mentally stable at times.
Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.
I don't actually think that could be maintained. If there were an allegation of that nature the police would have arrested. There is a positive arrest policy with domestic nonsense. It is rare that a person is not arrested.
You can raise your concerns about her violence. You may not have evidence that would withstand the criminal law but neither does she really. You have enough to cause her to wake up a bit at the family court.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
ok thank you,would i be quite within my rights to contact Ofsted regarding this head teacher matter? would be it be worth it? do i even have a leg to stand on?
Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.
You can do that and you should have a complaint but you don't in practice.
She will just start saying that domestic violence is very serious so they have to stick their noses into every family dispute and that would be accepted. In fairness to her, she hasn't made any allegations. All she has done is report what your daughter says and they are under a duty to do that.
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi
My colleague has asked me to look at this from the family law angle.
I am afraid that the Head simply did what is now expected of him and Ofsted will support him whole heartedly - and parents are NOT notified in these circumstances
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
so even though the police saw no need for any further action, the head teacher (who is a man, which is one reason i feel uncomfortable undressing my children without my knowledge) has decided they are wrong and are taking matters further? bare in mind the police spoke to my children also. if social services were to investigate deeper in to the situation, would we be able to call upon this police officer to back our case and tell them why he thought there was no reason to pursue the matter?
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
I am afraid that the minute that your child spoke about the incident at school then it was inevitable that this path would be followed.
Since the death of Baby p there are set procedures which are rarely deviated from.
The fact that the police man did not take action does not change things I am afraid
Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
So whats to stop these teachers/head teachers abusing their powers? this is a joke
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Which is of course why they are subject to DBS checks!
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
ok so answer me this, he (the head teacher) stands outside the school gates (on the pavement a couple of metres) most days, he also says hello to the parents and children as they walk in, am i within my rights to ask him to refrain from addressing my children outside of the school gates? (as petty as this may sound) i strongly believe that they/him have acted inappropriately and that i would like him to have no contact with my children outside of school
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
No this would not be a sensible option.
I appreciate your feelings but the Head has acted in accordance with the usual protocols.
Any action such as you suggest will attract further attention and raise questions about your understanding of the need to ensure that children are not aware of adult conflicts whether between parents or between teachers and parents

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