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Clare
Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 34277
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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My brother-in-law who seems to be the spokeman whole

Resolved Question:

my brother-in-law who seems to be the spokeman for the whole family after the death of his father have "excommunicated" from the family, even though I am lawfully married to his sister and daughter of his own remaining mother.
This happened about four-five years ago, and I feel very offended that their own daughter/sister who is my own lawful wife, cannot walk in public arm-in-arm with her own husband.
They send cards to my two boys at birthdays and christmas, but no cards at christmas to me or my wife. The mother does, but flatly refuses to talk to me or seem me upon visiting her in jersey. Only my wife was allowed to enter her house; I had to stay in hotel.
I had a few disputes with them, because I have been a fulltime carer of my wife for a long time especially when she was in a lot of pain, i left my work when she also threatened to kill herself (before the disputes started). I was questioned by my then father in law who felt very offended it seems because we were on benefit, and urged me to go back to work, because he felt his daughter's condition is not that bad.
I have been made to feel like a lazy bum and I am a persona-non-gratia with their circle, so like I say I cannot be seen in public around them.
I feel they are wrong and acting unlawfully in not recognising our marriage and they offend me very much when they seek to come between me and my boys during birthdays etc... sending cards, etc.. whilst disrespecting me as their father.
My stance with them has been to ask to discuss and to reason with them, but they flatly refuse, they don't even answer any emails or texts I sent them. I don't know what to do to seek to solve this very difficult problem.
Can something be done by advising them for instance that they are acting unlawfully in not recognising our lawful marriage? That their daughter/sister should be able to walk arm in arm with her husband etc....? MY wife has also expressed her upset with them, but they refuse to recognise her wishes either.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Law
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
They have felt offended themselves because they don't like some of the religious views that I have uttered, in matters of conscience. They feel I should keep my religion to myself, so I also feel I am being discriminated against my own religious views which to me are public not private matters.
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
HiThank you for your questionMy name is ***** ***** do my best to help you but I need some further information first.How often do you actually see any family members - an dhow can they stop you walking with your wife?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hello Clare,
We don't see each other very often. But, the thing is we went in October, my wife and I, in 2015 and they made no attempt to welcome me, just wife. I mean her mother only wanted to see her. So what I mean is that because I have been explicitly told by my brother in law that I am officially "excommunated", they have made it more than clear that they do not expect me to be with my wife, even when we visit. Also when the brother in law rings up, he never asks my wife how her husband is, only her and her children, as if I do not exist. The Christmas cards that he sent are only for our boys, because he does not want to write a card including, me. All the signs are that they don't want me to exist! This is not an emotional reaction but a painfully real objective state of affairs. Hence I am speaking figuratively but also literally, when I say that should my and wife be in Jersey, we have been to feel that we cannot be seen in the vicinity of were they live, because we are not welcome as a couple, just the daughter and the sister. Also prior to our visit in October to Jersey, we asked my mother in law if we could visit her, meaning to maybe stay with her or to just to her and she made no response, the silence we took to mean that no we would not be welcome, as a couple.I hope this clarifies and helps you with my question. I didn't mean we cannot walk in public together in the Isle of Man, but I was referring to the principle of the matter that should we be living in Jersey, they would not welcome us in their homes or social functions together as a couple. It is like they are so against us being together, it's almost like we should be divorced, so that the daughter and sister, can be theirs all anew.These are no suppositions, but how we have been made to feel by non responses, to texts etc.... to other communications...Sincerely,
Francis Farrugia
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Hi FrancisThe behaviour you describe is many things, rude; unpleasant and misguided being the least of the words that could be used.However it is not unlawful or illegal in any way to chose to ignore the chosen partner of one of your children or siblings.The only way to deal with this is I am afraid to severely limit the contact that you have with that side of the family and for your wife,if she wishes, to make it plain that unless they are willing to be polite to and about you then she wishes no communication or contact from anyoneother than her motherI am sorry that there is no action that you can take to enforce good manners and simple respectPlease ask if you need further detailsClare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you Clare for your reply. I had a feeling that is the situation. But it's a bi like segregation or apartheid, the fact we are lawfully married (not simply a partner), means they are not recognising the law of the land and I simply thought / hoped that maybe a letter from a solicitor to that effect, may wake from their utter hatred of me (I fee). Of course where there is no goodwill, it is very hard to mend bridges ordinarily and using the law, is almost a desperate measure that suggests relations have already reached a critical and grave phase. I don't know if are allowed to reply again about the possibility of a letter, if not thank you anyhow. Good day, Francis
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
correction 1) may wake them up ..... 2) hatred of me (I feel)... 3) if you are allowed.....
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
I am afraid that this is sadly not unusual - and whether or not you are married does not change the position.They are free to ignore your existence if they wish and a letter from a solicitor would I fear simply cause amusement Clare
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you agree, I do agree with you Clare taking a common sense approach . Bye Bye.
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
You are most welcome - I hope you and your wife are able to remain strong in the face of this unpleasantness
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