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ukfamilysolicitor
ukfamilysolicitor, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 869
Experience:  Qualified Solicitor Currently specialising in Family. Also experienced in Corporate, Employment, Civil Litigation, Debt Recovery
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Question. my son who is 11 wishes to live with me, his dad,

Customer Question

question. my son who is 11 wishes to live with me, his dad, due to his mothers anger management issues. i have parental responsibility and access has been decided between us not by any court order. he lives with me every other week, weds to weds. on occasions i have him for longer periods. i have expressed my concerns with his school about safe guarding issues at home and their child protection are going to speak with him today. i appreciate a child has a right to both parents but i cant have him being sad like this anymore and stating he hates his mother and wishes she was dead.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Good Morning
Welcome to Just Answer
I am a Solicitor and will assist
Please may I ask:
- how long has the current arrangement been in place?
- what are the safeguarding concerns about the mother? Give me some examples
- has there been any involvement with social services?
Kind regards
Caroline
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
the current arrangement has been in place for several months now. before it was mon, weds and every other weekend starting on the friday. safe guarding concerns are she is volatile and the slightest thing will spark her off. constantly swearing, cant have a sentence with out the F word in it. slapped my son round th ehead because he was struggling with his homework, abusive to him if he spills a drink. she had to be removed from her daughters boyfriends house by the police recently because of her ranting and raving. beat her daughter up and threw her out on the street, done in front of my son. social services have been involved in the past at my behest, she was advised about smacking her children, they also stated i was being "over protective". when my son was asked about home life, he changed the subject. this was not queried by social services.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
hello?
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello
Have you spoken to the mother about your sons wishes and feelings?
What has she said?
Kind regards
Caroline
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
no thank you! i have paid £56 already! i don't have much money
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello
If that's a pop up about a telephone call - you can ignore that. It does it automatically.
- have you approached the mother?
What has she said?
Kind regards
Caroline
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
your joking! approached her? she will go off on one, was round there last night returning some school shirts as she was low. had a tirade about his homework, she was really loud and really aggressive! my son was to scared to ask if he could come to mine. i asked and got a very aggressive, NO! had i known i could have removed him then i would have done.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
hello can you answer my query please
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello
My sincere apologies for my delay in responding to you today.
I have had various meetings but I will prepare a full response now.
This will take me about 15 minutes.
Kind Regards
Caroline
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello
Thank you for your patience this morning.
I am really sorry to hear about what is going on.
It's obviously a worry for you if your son is telling you that he is witnessing incidents of aggression by the mother. This is of course emotional harm.
You have done the right thing by speaking with school. Hopefully they will be able to obtain your sons wishes and feelings and any disclosures he might make about what it is that he may have witnessed.
If the school have concerns then they will contact social services so that they can also investigate.
I note that social services have been involved before but that this didn't lead to assistance being offered to your family, or any further action taken, as the Local Authority considered you were over reacting. In your favour is that your son is now older and therefore more able to verbalise his wishes and make any disclosures.
Whilst you have already eluded to being aware that it is a child's right to relationship with both of their parents - this is of course on the premise that it is safe for your son. This is were we are almost starring into a crystal
Ball - trying to foresee the outcome - but in reality the situation will become clearer after the school have spoken to your son and also is SS decide to investigate.
It all depends on what is said and what risk is perceived as a result.
It may be that the school and SS are so concerned that they ask you to retain your son whilst they investigate with the mother only having supervised contact.
On the other hand, it could be considered that you are 'over reacting' or even worse - making things up. In which case the LA could consider that you are causing emotional harm.
Best advice is to be guided the School / SS after your son has been spoken too today.
If you do need to make an application to the court for the court to decide the issues of who your son lives with / spends time with - then I can tell you the process for doing this.
Please do not hesitate to ask if I can clarify anything for you.
Kind Regards
Caroline
Please kindly remember to rate positively so that we receive credit for our work. Your question will not close when leave positive feedback and I can continue to answer all your follow up questions for free.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
thank you for the response!
i have my son everytime he is with me wanting to live with me full time. i have always wanted this but have also always made him aware it is fine if he wishes to continue with the current arrangements. i have never pressured him to make a choice. raising concerns based on what i see and based on my sons testament is hardly over reacting! i have no intention of making things up, that just shows, to me, that somebody is not over the relationship, the truth always wins in the end. of course i am protective of my son, show me a parent that isn't! But if his mum didn't behave in such a manner i wouldn't need to be. i need to be there for him, to fight his corner. If i cant, who will?
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello
I agree - it is a bit of a Catch 22
If you don't report what you know then you can be criticised for not protecting your son - so you have to do this.
Just mindful that they have said you were being 'over protective' before and thus they may consider this again - but you still have to report.
With your son being older and more able too express himself - this should help.
Let me know how things progress so I can give you information as to how to apply to court on the issue if matters aren't resolved
Kind regards
Caroline
Please kindly remember to rate positively so that we receive credit for our work. Your question will not close when leave positive feedback and I can continue to answer all your follow up questions for free.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
thank you for the reply.still waiting for feedback from the school.
how do i save the page so i can ak further questions if the need arises?jonathon
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello Johathan
I'm sorry I don't know what your interface looks like.
But the question will remain open after you have left positive feedback and you can just log back in and keep
Replying for free.
Kind regards
Caroline
ukfamilysolicitor and other Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
good morning.have spoken to the school's child protection unit this morning and after reviewing everything they have decided to refer the matter to Social Services. they are to call my sons mother and advise her not to go to his school whilst the matter is under investigation. his mother phoned last night and amongst other things wanted to speak to my son, he refused point blank. it is sad that things have come to this but i have to look after him. i cant have him feeling the way he does.
anyway. given the above information, what are the best legal steps to take now?jon
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Good Morning Jon
Thank you for the update.
Social Services must be concerned if they are saying no contact at the moment.
Best be guided by social services whilst they undertake their investigation.
If mother does abide by no contact at this time - then let me know as you may need to make an urgent application to the court to prevent her doing this.
Otherwise hold tight.
Kind Regards
Caroline
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
ok.
my mistake social services didn't say no contact, the child protection service at my sons school advised his mother that it would be better if she didn't go to his school. as she has PR they cant stop her, BUT if my son expressed he did not wish to leave with her then they would put safe guarding into place.received a call from the school child protection yesterday. basically because i have safe guarded my son its not going to social services but rather is going to be managed by a lady at the school who is going to put in place an early support program to help my son, myself and his mother. this lady will contact his mother and my self at some point. my son has been poorly and is off school today, i have advised the school and also texted his mother to advise her as well.
i dont know what her plans are, i can only assume she will start some form of legal proceedings.jonathon
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello Jon
My apologies for my delay in responding to you today.
The mother might quite well seek a court order for return.
You could also put this case before the family court yourself seeking an order to confirm that your son lives with you.
Are the school and social services of the opinion that your son was at risk of harm?
Kind Regards
Caroline
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
thank you for replying.not sure how his mother can get a court order for his return as we have shared residence for some time now, albeit without a court order.
i am a bit mystified as to why CAFCAS are not getting involved if she, his mother, has started any sort of proceedings.
the school are of the opinion that i have done the right thing by safe guarding my son, i don't know what Social Services take on the matter is as the school has intimated to me it wasn't going to be referred to SS as i have safe guarded my son, rather a member of the schools child protection unit is going to contact myself and his mother separately at some point with a view to put in early support?
it sounds like a good idea to get an order confirming my son lives with me. how would i go about this please?jonathon.
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 1 year ago.
Hello
Can I ask - do you know what disclosures your son has made to the school?
In respect of making an Application to Court.
This is made on a Form C100 to local family court. Asking for a Child Arrangements Order.
The court will investigate all concerns.
Normally mediation has to take place first but your answer to the question about the disclosures made will help me determine the answer to your application being urgent although in reality given what I know so far I imagine it is. Also is the mother seeing your son now? Supervised?
Kind regards
Caroline
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
he has told the school about her always shouting, her swearing, drinking. told them a bit ago he hated her and wished she was dead, which shocked me. he has been ill and had an over night stay in hospital, texted her this info and so far no reply. there has been no contact with her and my son. she called last monday and wanted to speak to him but he refused to talk to her. she accused me of turning him against her which in actual fact is a complete fallacy. i firmly believe a child needs both parents in their life, but not when it makes them unhappy. he is worried about her and apparently had a nightmare where his mother and i became friends again and he had to go to live with her. i am concerned about his emotional well being and have booked a doctors appointment for this coming friday. there is a possibility i can get an appointment this monday if i call the surgery at 8 A.M. will get that form.thank youjonathon