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Jo C.
Jo C., Barrister
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Experience:  Over 5 years in practice
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There my question is, if you can answer it is, my wife has

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hi there my question is, if you can answer it is, my wife has applied for an non molestation order and occupation order also a residency order as we have 2 children, she has made allegations of me for general molestation, harassment, violence and threats, at the time that she has made these claims in her statement she has gone to the police,social services,woman's aid,caffcas, who told her not to get in touch with me, we were both having sex months before she had gone to get these orders but was still logging the apparent abuse for months? " i'm confused", although she did and was still seeing me and calling me to talk to me and exchanging texts after she had been told this by the above. i have proof through texts times and dates with the call times as well which used to last for 30+. she never told me anything about she should not be talking to me or that I was not allowed at our home but continued to do so and let me stay " I feel that I have been trapped into a situation for her to try build a case against me. I also found that because she has done modelling work and regularly all the time on a modelling site for nearly of the whole of 2015 through the months she had been having an emotional affairs with some of the photographers on there with comments about taking our children away and sexual references, innuendos,and hints of intimacy, and other photographers saying they could be witnesses to a possible romance, "these comments I found disturbing", texts have been bounced backwards and forwards from her and these photographers "not something that any loving father/husband wants to see" one photographer that she has been attached to "the one with a possible romance" she told me he wanted to take photographs of our children which our both little girls 5-6 years old I said no! . in the texts she has had with them she has basically insulted me saying, I have the attention and emotional needs that of a child? we both had an agreement and made promises to each other that she would not go further than underwear modeling but has done shoots of a sexual nature with sexually suggestive manners with breasts out and open leg shots in the pictures. although I have not got the pictures I seen them and she asked the photographer to get rid of them and she did as well, I have some pics but not to that standard just to show what type of modelling she has been doing before. she told me in august 2015 that in march of 2015 that she was sexually assaulted by one photographer, which I asked her to report but has not to this day but I have texts to show that she has admitted to it happening , also with me finding out at this time about the pictures and texts I lost it and got arrested for common assault for throwing her phone at the wall that a photographer had bought her and grabbing hold of her to stop her falling through a window she was trying to get out of,I went to court and got a suspended sentence, we made up and she said that she wouldn't go back on the sites or have anything to do with the people again as I said I thought she had been groomed to do these things as these people were double her age and were buying gifts for her like, mobile phones,£200 worth of camera equipment, expensive boxes of chocs, books about photography, sexy underwear, dresses , and jewelry, from September I thought everything was fine, we had Christmas and new year then straight after she went and got everyone involved police etc etc.... she told me that she better get rid of the offending modeling sites as social services were involved and she didn't want them finding out about stuff she has done ,"I thought she had done this when we made our promises but she hadn't, so I said to her I thought she had done this before, I didn't believe her so she said go take a look , upon going on the site I found that she had been going on them still and talking to the same people as before for months after, I told her I wanted a divorce and left with some clothes nothing happened I was polite and calm. however she rang the police and everyone she got involved to further her case against me with more accusations about what I supposedly had done which I have not, I don't know if this is some kind of revenge plot or something more sinister as I do have my previous conviction over my head and think that she thinking that it will be better for her with this hanging over my head, I really need some advice I cant afford a solicitor so defending myself with evidence against her claims. what I would also like to know is why is she doing this to me when there is a person out there that has sexually assaulted her and has not reported this and how will this look in court?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Law
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
also she has said that I have threatened the children when i haven't but by the time she made these claims she had already had the children for 2 weeks enough time for her to poison there heads with stuff , the children got interviewed and they have said that I was going to push them down the stairs. On this day I had seen my eldest try push her younger sister down the stairs, my words to her was " would you like it if i was to push you down the stairs or mummy did or your sister, her reply was no, so I told her not to do it as you can be seriously hurt.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
also any debates or concerns that have been raised with each other have always been to do with the modelling sites and the photographers in question, since I have been away from my wife, I have had time to think about the years we have been married (8) years ,and added everything up and listed the neglect ,emotional ,psyhcological ,and financial abuse " the list is longer than my arm" which I have been under including what she is putting me through now as she is still trying to control me through legal body's my head is all over the place at the moment but trying to stay strong for our children , I still love my wife as I cant turn my feelings off at the flick of a switch, but just dont like what she is doing at the moment, I have an appointment with the mental health team so I can tell them what she has put me through to see if they can wright to the courts explaining that this is what she has gotten me to with her actions and how its made me feel my confidence is shattered I feel ashamed and embarrassed about the whole situation and have been isolated from the whole of my family for years because she would not let me see them as she threatened me with leaving me and taking the children :( sorry this is such a long question I do hope that someone can help here or at least give me some advice or some kind of hope here.
Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.
Hi.
Thank you for your question. My name is ***** ***** I will try to help with this.
What is your question about this please?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Jo my question is if I tell the courts all this will they dismiss what I have said because of the criminal record I have at the moment, or will they look into it as I am in fear for my children as well as my wife through these people and also, will they consider with what evidence I have about my wife that this could be some kind of revenge plot or set up by her to get me out of the picture?
Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.
Sorry, tell them what?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
have you read my question above ?
Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.
Your post above does not contain a question I'm afraid.
Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.
What are you proposing to tell the court?
In what capacity ?
And which court?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
have you read my situation ? I'm dislexic so not very good at this please be patient with me
I'm proposing to tell the courts that my wife is putting my children at risk and that the non molestation, occupation + residency order she has taken out on me is because I have said I want a divorce and because I have seen she is continued to lie to me about keeping in touch with photographers that have offered to take pictures of our children, even when she doesn't really know them and considering the kind of pornographic work they do I think it is not a good idea, also she may be having an affair with one of the photographers emotionally possibly physical with what evidence I have seen and have on her, with sexual texts to all photographers and pictures of a sexual nature and hits of intimacy or possible romance with the guy that has offered to take pictures of our children, she has only met the guy twice and has talked to him on the internet for 8 months he made advances at her within 2 weeks of her being on the model site, she has been sexually assaulted by one photographer already but not reported it to the police even to this day, but she continued to text these photographers with sexual texts and so have they, I think she has been groomed as they all have bought her expensive gifts, i think I have been well untruly set up and she is trying to get rid of me through a legal process to hide her own guilt for what she has done and is doing , we are at the family courts at the moment but going to magistrates in the next few weeks to have our say.
how is it going to look on her not reporting something as serious as a sexual assault but can do this to me and put our children at risk as the photographers she barley knows have our home address.
and if i have evidence to counter her claims of abuse and her statement is a lie when its me that has been abused for years what will happen then ?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
hi there my question is, if you can answer it is, my wife has applied for an non molestation order and occupation order also a residency order as we have 2 children, she has made allegations of me for general molestation, harassment, violence and threats, at the time that she has made these claimsin her statement she has gone to the police,social services,woman's aid,caffcas, who told her not to get in touch with me, we were both having sex months before she had gone to get these orders but was still logging the apparent abuse for months? " i'm confused", although she did and was still seeing me and calling me to talk to me and exchanging texts after she had been told this by the above. i have proof through texts times and dates with the call times as well which used to last for 30+. she never told me anything about she should not be talking to me or that I was not allowed at our home but continued to do so and let me stay " I feel that I have been trapped into a situation for her to try build a case against me. I also found that because she has done modelling work and regularly all the time on a modelling site for nearly of the whole of 2015 through the months she had been having an emotional affairs with some of the photographers on there with comments about taking our children away and sexual references, innuendos,and hints of intimacy, and other photographers saying they could be witnesses to a possible romance, "these comments I found disturbing", texts have been bounced backwards and forwards from her and these photographers "not something that any loving father/husband wants to see" one photographer that she has been attached to "the one with a possible romance" she told me he wanted to take photographs of our children which our both little girls 5-6 years old I said no! . in the texts she has had with them she has basically insulted me saying, I have the attention and emotional needs that of a child? we both had an agreement and made promises to each other that she would not go further than underwear modeling but has done shoots of a sexual nature with sexually suggestive manners with breasts out and open leg shots in the pictures. although I have not got the pictures I seen them and she asked the photographer to get rid of them and she did as well, I have some pics but not to that standard just to show what type of modelling she has been doing before. she told me in august 2015 that in march of 2015 that she was sexually assaulted by one photographer, which I asked her to report but has not to this day but I have texts to show that she has admitted to it happening , also with me finding out at this time about the pictures and texts I lost it and got arrested for common assault for throwing her phone at the wall that a photographer had bought her and grabbing hold of her to stop her falling through a window she was trying to get out of,I went to court and got a suspended sentence, we made up and she said that she wouldn't go back on the sites or have anything to do with the people again as I said I thought she had been groomed to do these things as these people were double her age and were buying gifts for her like, mobile phones,£200 worth of camera equipment, expensive boxes of chocs, books about photography, sexy underwear, dresses , and jewelry, from September I thought everything was fine, we had Christmas and new year then straight after she went and got everyone involved police etc etc.... she told me that she better get rid of the offending modeling sites as social services were involved and she didn't want them finding out about stuff she has done ,"I thought she had done this when we made our promises but she hadn't, so I said to her I thought she had done this before, I didn't believe her so she said go take a look , upon going on the site I found that she had been going on them still and talking to the same people as before for months after, I told her I wanted a divorce and left with some clothes nothing happened I was polite and calm. however she rang the police and everyone she got involved to further her case against me with more accusations about what I supposedly had done which I have not, I don't know if this is some kind of revenge plot or something more sinister as I do have my previous conviction over my head and think that she thinking that it will be better for her with this hanging over my head, I really need some advice I cant afford a solicitor so defending myself with evidence against her claims. what I would also like to know is why is she doing this to me when there is a person out there that has sexually assaulted her and has not reported this and how will this look in court?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
03/02/2016 05:52
also she has said that I have threatened the children when i haven't but by the time she made these claims she had already had the children for 2 weeks enough time for her to poison there heads with stuff , the children got interviewed and they have said that I was going to push them down the stairs. On this day I had seen my eldest try push her younger sister down the stairs, my words to her was " would you like it if i was to push you down the stairs or mummy did or your sister, her reply was no, so I told her not to do it as you can be seriously hurt.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
03/02/2016 06:12
also any debates or concerns that have been raised with each other have always been to do with the modelling sites and the photographers in question, since I have been away from my wife, I have had time to think about the years we have been married (8) years ,and added everything up and listed the neglect ,emotional ,psyhcological ,and financial abuse " the list is longer than my arm" which I have been under including what she is putting me through now as she is still trying to control me through legal body's my head is all over the place at the moment but trying to stay strong for our children , I still love my wife as I cant turn my feelings off at the flick of a switch, but just dont like what she is doing at the moment, I have an appointment with the mental health team so I can tell them what she has put me through to see if they can wright to the courts explaining that this is what she has gotten me to with her actions and how its made me feel my confidence is shattered I feel ashamed and embarrassed about the whole situation and have been isolated from the whole of my family for years because she would not let me see them as she threatened me with leaving me and taking the children :( sorry this is such a long question I do hope that someone can help here or at least give me some advice or some kind of hope here.
Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.
Can we just try to summarise this?
Which charges have been brought against you?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
the charges from my last court appearance was common assault that was august 2015 with a suspended sentence.
this time there has been no charges as the police have said it is a civil matter and needs to go to the courts, so my wife has gone and got the non molestation, occupation, and residency order out on me for general molestation, harassment, violence?, and threats, when there has been none, I have not been arrested for anything at this time, the police have said to me when they came to see me at home that she has been ringing them all the time and they know what her game is , but I don't trust what they have to say anyway and take that with a pinch of salt .
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
also when she has said that all this has been happening she has been sleeping with me and texting, ringing, and meeting up with me to stop at the family home 3 nights a week since september 2015 but has been compiling all these accusations against me since then? and has said that she has kept all this a secret as she was scared, yet every text that i have still got has kisses at the end and are flirtatious with invites , yes we have had discusions by text but no threats of any kind ?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
she says in her statement that she has letters from me but there not abusive , they are about me saying sorry and repenting for what happened in the august as thought that it would be the right thing to do and these were given to her after my court appearance from that time how can she use these in court and why is beyond me?
Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.
Thanks.
What I need to know is which charges you are facing now
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
not facing any charges at the moment either, just the none molestation order occupation order and the residency order in court, I have not been arrested and not been cautioned by police they have seen me but not taken me to the station or interviewed me and said to me just try keep away from her as she seems to want to get me in trouble and I seem a good down to earth guy?
Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.
Thanks. So for what were you arrested?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I was arrested for common assault 11/8/15 I got a suspended sentence for a year with no further action taken against me.
but on the 20/1/16 my wife went to the courts to apply for the non molestation/occupation order / and a residency order for general molestation /harassment , violence , and threats, she spoke to the police and they said they cannot do anything or arrest me this time as it is a civil matter and she would need to go to the courts to apply for these orders against me , so I have not been arrested at all for these accusations , and I have not done any of these like she is telling the courts/police/social services/woman's aid/ etc etc ..... and I have the proof that we were getting on and sleeping together when she has been saying she was scared of me for the months before her claims against me ?
Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.
So, in short, shbut has exaggerated to get an order?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
seems to me she has , but we have had discussions and heated debates of our concerns about her modeling and the people she is involved with, and her safety as well as our children due to them knowing our address including the photographer that sexually assaulted her, that she never went to the police about,all the discussions etc ...have amounted to nothing and she has been ok with me after them, but she has been committing emotional possibly physical infidelity (affairs) 2 weeks into knowing this person as I have the proof of this as well, text messages saying she would go away with this guy but she would have to take our children, with hints of intimacy, sexual references , and flirtatious comments about when they have been on shoot together and the buying of expensive gifts for her not just off the one she has been doing this with but also the photographer that sexually assaulted her as well ? and also she has put her own comments on this modeling site about me saying I can't hold a coherent conversation and I have the emotional needs that of a child? I think I'm being set up, or am I just paranoid ? she has now started to bad mouth me in our children's school playground to other parents as I haven't seen one of my friends for 4 months he bumped into me yesterday and asked if I was ok as she has been saying all kinds up at the school about me, she only stopped at this point as he turned around and looked at her and she froze on the spot as she was caught out. , she seems to be getting a lot of people involved that shouldnt be as this is private family business.
Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.
Ok. Of course you are being set up. There isn't much genuine domestic abuse in the uk. She has lied to get these orders so that she can encourage you to breach them and then use them to have control. All perfectly normal and completely unethical. I'm not sure what you were hoping to do about this? Why don't you just have nothing to do with her?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I'm not going to have anything to do with her but she still has to have control over me even when I have walked away like offering a divorce and now she has done this to still carry on controlling me , but, I still have to go to court because of her and I want to contest the orders as I don't think that its right that I should have them when I have done nothing as that is infringing my freedom to walk anywhere and having to avoid walking past her with my children and not being able to speak to them also she is putting my children at risk with the modeling so looking to try to get full access to both of them and try have them live with me, if she is setting me up for her own gains is that a criminal offence ? also I would like the court to take note of what she has been up to and I think that is the reason for doing this to me. makes me think why she has done this to me but not reported the sexual assault?
Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.
Yes, that is probably right.
the purpose of allegations of this kind are usually to have control over partners.
If the order were ex parte then there is a date set down to consider the full order. It is likely that the order would remain or at least be replaced in the form of undertakings.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
hi so if she is trying to control me still now and has been in the past as I have everything written down of what she has been like with the emotional, psychological,financial abuse and her controlling ways and she is still trying to do this now will the court see right through her and what she is trying to achieve, also in the first hearing she kept butting in on me trying to talk to the judge, she said to him the other day that she would like for him to get me some psychiatric help or domestic violence course set in place, my chin hit the floor can she demand these things off the judge and how will these actions look upon her?
Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.
Yes he could but I wouldn't rely on it.
Generally speaking people do get non molestation orders. Occupation orders are a bit easier to challenge but do you really want to return to living with a woman that you know sees nothing wrong in lying to a court placing you in a position where she can accuse you of rape?
The presumption is probably going to be that you are abusive a bit and she is lying a bit. As a rule Judges are aware that allegations of abuse are very easily made.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
no not going to return there but just don't want the orders on me as I don't see that its fare, funny you should say that she could next time go to the next level and accuse me of that because that's what a lot of my family are saying, I just need to get my children away from her as I think with what she is trying to achieve and everything else that she is doing and done she is a very dangerous individual with serious issues, see I have told the social services of her past and I have written to the courts to explain all the stuff she has told me about her past just to see if they make any checks on it, she had told me that her mum and dad were the leaders of a big swinger ring in the 90s and got found out by an undercover journalist for the national papers and they were splashed all over the place for weeks , she then accused her father in the courts of beating her mother up and her mother denied it so she said she put herself into foster care ? she told me that she found pornographic images on her ex boyfriends fathers computer and left him. then got with me straightaway, and her ex before him used to shout and throw things at her. the guy she accused for having the images lost all his family as police investigated him I don't no if it was her that went and made the complaint to the police though, nothing was found in his computer but by this time the guy had lost everything and never really recovered from it . I have told this to all governing body's that I thought needed to know , I just don't know if I have done the right thing or not by doing this but with my kids being involved with this and living with her at the moment I am scared for their safety and what she could do.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
"pornographic images of minors " forgot to put that in sorry.
Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.
Your family are right. It is a very easy allegation to make and very hard to defend.Never get involved with a woman who tells you she has been abused in the past. Maybe she is telling the truth and if so she is likely to be unmanageable. Maybe she is lying and if so she will do it to you.Just find yourself a normal partner who doesn't have a background of stumbling from one crisis to another. Loads of women get through their whole lives without ever even once being a victim.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
thanks for your advice Jo you have been a great help to me, not looking for anyone for a long time after this 8 year marriage just want to focus on my little girls if I can get 50/50 share of the responsibility that's half the risk of them getting hurt and it will be a start. if I have any more questions can I get back to you ? also I will let you know how I get on in a few weeks, much thanks :)
Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.
Yes, no problem.
You will get access to your children. The days have gone when women could stop contact by making allegations of abuse
Jo C., Barrister
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 70008
Experience: Over 5 years in practice
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.
hi Jo, sorry to bother you but I have had a letter off my doctor brought to my attention saying that my wife has gone to the surgery to gain and asked for access to my medical records to be released to her to show the courts them when im back there, the doctors have said they would only release them to her if I give consent , my question is , is she allowed to do this when she has got a non molestation order out on me and when the judge in court told her last week that if any professionals say that I need help he would go by there advice, she seems to be still persistantly harassing me through doing these things were do I stand with her doing this and whats the court going to think?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
she has used a family court order to try do this?
Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.
I do agree actually. This does border on harassment.
Going to speak to your doctor was a nonsense. He was never going to disclose to her.
One incident alone isn't harassment but it is certainly an act of vexation.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
thanks for clarifying that for me, family are telling me to go to the police as she has tried to gain access to the files with the court order that does not say she can do this, is this classed as fraud/ or some other criminal activity, as im thinking of just waiting to let her try a few more things firs so I have more to go on in court ?
Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.
They are very unlikely to act. They might give her a harassment warning.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
hi Jo thanks for getting back to me , in that case I shall leave it and let her carry on doing what she is doing "give her enough rope ,and all that". so I will just make sure before the court date that I shall pass the information on to all that need it including my wife.
Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.
Yes, I think that is right.
I would suggest reporting it but that is the type of thing that will just annoy the police and turn the whole thing around in her favour.

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