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ukfamilysolicitor
ukfamilysolicitor, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 724
Experience:  Qualified Solicitor Currently specialising in Family. Also experienced in Corporate, Employment, Civil Litigation, Debt Recovery
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I thought my ex was just calling my son by the surname as her

Customer Question

I thought my ex was just calling my son by the surname as her now ex partner so he did not feel left out not that i agreed to it but they told him they had changed his name
However I have now found out that they have told my son and grandmother that she changed this legally without my consent I was not married to her but my son doesor did have my surname and I am legally on his birth certificate and have parental responsibility as far as I am aware. She did this 2 years ago, and I am devisted about it is this legal and if not what can I do.
She dids not even change it to her name but to that of her now ex partner who she went on to have other children too but they never married and he has since left
Also I have now been told that I have to pay 1600 to her as back child maitance but I donr understand why, I was having £5 pm stopped from my benefits each month, unless it relates to when I was working but during this period I gave the money directly to her but have no proof. Since the day my son was born I bought majority of his clothes toys and essentials pram etc along with his gran parents anything he needed I bought for him.
I had him on a regular basis infact he stayed more with me or my mother than her , but in 2010 she stopped me seeing him, she no londger let him come to stay with me she wont let me talk to him or even talk to him on face book. The child maintainace people said the case was closed but now she has told them she wants this back money I think she was given a type of option or something.
I am now married with 2 children to support and no money to spare we can barely live as it is to pay this money I would literally be taking out of my childrens mouth. I try to work when I can but it is due to illness that I cant I suffer a lot with fits and other medical isssues making employment hard to get.
Can you please give any light at all on what I can do
Submitted: 9 months ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 9 months ago.
Hello Welcome to Just Answer I am a Solicitor and will assist you. Please may I ask: - were you married to the mother of your son? If not were you named on his birth certificate?- how old is your son? Kind Regards Caroline
Customer: replied 9 months ago.
Hi
Sorry for not getting back straight away some technical issues, no I was not married to the mother of my son I am on his birth certificate, my son is 13 years old
Customer: replied 9 months ago.
Are you still there
Customer: replied 9 months ago.
(Posted by JustAnswer at customer's request) Hello. I would like to request the following Expert Service(s) from you: Live Phone Call. Let me know if you need more information, or send me the service offer(s) so we can proceed.
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 9 months ago.
Hello Thank you for your response. I have Just nipped out but I will be back in about half an hour and I will prepare a full response for you then. I hope that this is ok. Kindest Regards Caroline
Customer: replied 9 months ago.
Thank you for getting back to me and await your response to questions I have asked
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 9 months ago.
:)
Customer: replied 9 months ago.
Hello Caroline
Are you back now
Customer: replied 9 months ago.
Hello Caroline
My telephone number is ***** it appears that we have lost communication via net, Any information can be passed to my mum who will take the phone, as I am not very good in understanding legal matters and she willl explain them to me
Look forward to hearing from you either by phone or the net
Customer: replied 9 months ago.
Hello
I appreciate you had to pop out but it is over an hour and I have not had any response to my questions regarding my son, could you please let me know what is happening
Kind Regards
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 9 months ago.
Hello Sorry I am back now and able to chat online with you. My apologies that I was delayed. Given your son's age of 13 - he is right on the line as to whether or not you will have parental responsibility for him by being named as his father on his birth certificate - can you tell me if his birth was registered after the 01.12.2003? Kindest Regards Caroline
Customer: replied 9 months ago.
Hi Caroline
I am relieved that you have joined me I thought I lost you for good He was registered just after being born 30th November 2002
Kind Regrards
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 9 months ago.
Hello Thank you for clarifying that for me. Just a few more question for I prepare a written response for you -- when did you separate from the mother?- how long were you spending time with your son and how long did this last?- why did the mother stop contact?- have you tried to re-establish contact since? do you want too? Kindest Regards Caroline
Customer: replied 9 months ago.
We seperated when my son was a few months old
I saw my son all the time until 2010 he would either spend weeks at my mums or with me, he was more with us than he wasnt, up until the age of 4 and half when he started school then we saw him practically every weekend and school holidays .
The mother stopped contact when I got into trouble with the law and went into prison for 8 weeks for something I was not proud of, I have since changed my life around but uo until that point we still had a lot of contact however my mum does still have contact with him .
She also stopped the contact because her now ex did not want me to have further contact with him
Yes I have tried to reastablish contact and we even spoke facebook for awhile but she stopped me doing that as it was upsetting her partner, she also stopped the contact because I could no longer afford to keep buying all the stuff she requested for my son I was out of work which did not go down well.
I would like to have contact but I dont think this will happen
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 9 months ago.
Hello Thank you for your response. Please may I ask - what did you go to Prison for? Kind Regards Caroline
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 9 months ago.
also - what type of benefit are you currently getting? Kind Regards Caroline
Customer: replied 9 months ago.
are you still there
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 9 months ago.
Hello I am still here. I have sent two questions but I cant see any replies - have you got these? Last message I can see from you is at 4.53pm Kind Regards Caroline
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 9 months ago.
Still here - whenever you are ready :)
Customer: replied 9 months ago.
Hi
I have just got three messages all together
I went to prison for attacking my mother I went to a party and had a cocktail of drugs and drink (not usual behaviour)then went back to my mothers house and attacked her, I do not have any excuses as to why I did it, I am ashamed of myself. I lost a lot that night. I have not taken drugs since and do not drink I was going through a tough time in my life but does not excuse what I did
I am on income support for myself wife and two children .
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 9 months ago.
Hello Thank you for clarifying that for me. I will prepare a full answer now - this will take me about 15 minutes to type. Kindest Regards Caroline
Customer: replied 9 months ago.
Plus I have not been in trouble with the law since
Customer: replied 9 months ago.
Thank you
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 9 months ago.
Hello It is my understanding that there are 3 parts to your question being: 1) your sons surname2) maintenance3) spending time with him I will deal with each one in turn. 1) In respect of your son's surname - as your you were registered as the father of your son before the law was changed - this unfortunately means that you do not hold parental responsibility for him. This means that the mother was able to change his surname without your permission being required. Whilst the mother would have been able to do this - it is still not the best approach that the mother has taken - this being changing the surname to a name of a partner at the time which she has since split up with. It is possible for you to make an application to the court for the court to decide what your son's surname should be. (I will detail for you late in part (3) of this question who you do this. In respect of how the court would make its decision - it is a positive for you that the mother has choosen a name that has no relevance to your son's parentage - the courts do consider that a child should retain their surname from their father - as this is their heritage. On the negative side for you - it is quite a while since the change was made - and therefore your son might want to keep the surname rather than having to go through changing it again. In either situation - if you did make an application to the court - then your son would likely be asked what surname he would prefer and the court, given consideration to your son's age, would like make an order in light of his wishes as long as he understands the decision he is making. 2) In relation to child maintenance - it is the child maintenance service that has jurisdiction in respect of what is payable and in relation to any arrears. It does sound like any money that it is owed is likley from when you were working - but you should ask them to clarify this for you. If you do consider that the money is asked - then agree a payable plan that is managable - given your current position. 3) In respect of spending time with your son - it is sad to hear that the relationship between you and your son broke down after such a long commitment from you to him and for him spending so much time with your previously. Whilst I note the reason it did break down - I also note the positive steps that you have taken since and therefore you should really consider making an application to the court so that the court can decide how much time your son can spend with you - if the mother wont agree. Your son has half siblings and consideration needs to be given to your son getting to know his siblings. These are the steps you need to take to get the court to consider both the issue of your son's surname and him spending time with you: 1) write to the mother - explain your current position and how you would like to be there for your son - see if she will agree to him spending time with you.If she agrees - then great - you dont need to go to court but if she doesn't go to step 2:2) refer your case to a family mediation service. There are lots of family mediation services and there will be one local to you. Just google Family Mediation in your area and give them a call to get the ball rolling. Mediation will try and help you and the mother agree without the need for court. If agreement cannot be reached then the mediator will sign the form that you need for court. You will not have to pay for mediation as you receive income support.3) Apply to court using these forms:http://hmctsformfinder.justice.gov.uk/courtfinder/forms/c100-eng.pdfandhttp://www.justice.gov.uk/downloads/forms/fjr/C2_web_0414.pdf There is a court fee of £215 but you will not need to pay this because you receive income support - so fill in this form as well:http://hmctsformfinder.justice.gov.uk/courtfinder/forms/ex160-eng-20160212.pdf You should explain in your application form - that you previously had a great relationship with your son and that you made a mistake but paid the price for this and have since had a family and want your son to be part of this and know his siblings. You should also explain that you are concerned that his surname was changed to one of an ex partner and you want the court to consider if this is appropriate. The outcome of this case will largely depend on what your sons wishes and feelings are - given his age - but if you do not try you will never know. Its best to act quickly as the court will not entertain applications of this type when children get to 15. Please do not hesitate to ask if I can clarify anything for you. Kindest Regards ***** ***** you have found this service useful - please kindly remember to star rate my service so that I receive credit for helping you today. Thank you.

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