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Ask Clare Your Own Question
Clare
Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 34263
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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What can be done re a 4 yr.old child being affected by a court

Resolved Question:

What can be done re a 4 yr.old child being affected by a court order giving a walk out father 2 afternoons a week and over night visits Friday to Sunday every 2 weeks,He dose not want to go but the order says even if he cries he must be MADE to go,When he returns he is a different child always acting like a baby and having really bad tanterums for about 3 days
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
HiThank you for your questionMy name is ***** ***** do my best to help you but I need some further information firstWhen was the Order made?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
2 years ago
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I am his Grandmother
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Do I have to go to my emails to get a response or just keep hers?
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
For clarity then - this arrangement has been going on for the last two years?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Yes -about 2 years - the father left when he was 3 month old.
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
So why is there now a problem?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
The problem is not just now, this has been going on from the beginning and all we are told is that the judges [ one male person sitting alone ] decision has been made and until the child is at least 6 years old we can do nothing about it. I am keeping a record of his behaviour both on paper and video of how his behaviour changes after his visits and how much better he is the longer he has not to go between visits. This has shown up more since the father changed his job and is now trying every way he can think of to get the mother to go back to court [he can now not afford to do that himself -he just managed to get his time in court free before the law was changed by taking out the order 2 days before that happened ] So he is now having to miss some of the mid week visits. Nine time out of ten when the child returns after a week end visit he acts and talks like a baby. When ask why he does this he says "because I can do what I want?!!. "This very week end he returned and straight away started baby talk as soon as he came through the door. When told to speak properly he threw a tantrum and threw every cushion from the settee even the base ones and just stud there screaming. We ignored him - then as if a switch had been pulled he stopped an within minutes was his normal little self. When later asked why h had done it he said it was because he wanted to stat with his brother,
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
Sadly there is nothing that you can do except make every effort to ease the transitions and find ways of helping him cope with his emotions - which is what the behaviour is aboutIt is not unusual for a child to be difficult after contact - indeed it is usually seen as a sign of a child who is well attached to the Resident Parent since he or she feels safeenough to show their negative emotionsThis book can help with initiating discussions with the child AND helping a parent to understand what is happening in his head http://acpublicationsgroup.comInstead of challenging the baby talk ignoring it may well help your grandson more as he copes with the move between two separate parenting styles and homes.If midweek contact is falling away and there is no set pattern then this may be causing even more confusion - so using Family mediation to establish a set pattern - or rule it out completely - may assist.Please also be aware that 6 is NOT a magic age.The wishes of a child under 8 have no real relevance - and only when the child is 12 can you expect the wishes of the child to have real force.This book may help in working out a way forwardhttps://www.amazon.co.uk/Family-Breakdown-Helping-children-parents/dp/1783520493?ie=UTF8&*Version*=1&*entries*=0I am so sorry - I wish I could have been more positive but sadly there is no way of stopping the contact - you can only help him cope.Please ask if you need further details
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for your information. It is just so frustrating to see such an intelligent little boy having to cope with this sort of trauma at such a young age. And the worry is that it will instill in him a devious mind as he grows up. I must correct my error as saying I am his grandma I am his Gt, Grandma and have seen from the experience of his mother and sisters how a split up of a marriage can work as their father left when she was 8 yrs.old and her younger sister 2 and 17 years later they all still meet up every other weekend for a meal together but still live their own family lives. Thank You once again
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.
You are welcome - it is hard to be an observer of these things?
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