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Clare
Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 33273
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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Thanks at this. i have a nearly 3 year old

Customer Question

Hi, thanks for looking at this.
i have a nearly 3 year old daughter with my ex . we have been separated since she was 6 months old.
we have a routine set verbally and it has worked fine, i have her 60% of the time and he has her 40% . last may he wanted to split the time 50\50 . i said he could and we worked out a new rota but i had some rules.
i currently pay all her childcare ( we both work at the same company) he has never contributed to the £500 a month bill. i get no help from the government so this comes out my own pocket. when we agreed 50/50 he said he would pay half like i had ask as i didn't think it was far i was paying it all.
he wanted her 50/50 as he had another baby on the way last September with his partner and that he said he wanted our daughter to spend her time with her new sibling and also get our daughter routine to be easier for her and more stable. which i agreed too.
since we met to talk about this last may he has not mentioned it since or done anything about it. i presumed this was because his girlfriend was going on maternity leave and they didn't have the money.
they are now in the process of buying a new house and his girlfriend is back working and funnily enough he now wants our daughter 50/50 again.
my argument is why should i now let him? i agreed last year and he cant pick and choose when it convenient for him to have her.
where would i stand if i wanted to get full custody of her? i don't want to go down that road but i think its very unfair he wants to now have her when its convenient for him.
i have paid for her childcare for past 2 and half years and have had no help what so ever.
he also thinks he can pick her school. again i don't agree with this as i have been her main carer and i have moved to an area where there a brilliant school for her to go to. how does the school situation work?
Any advice would be much appreciated, i want my daughter to be happy and settled.
Thanks,
Michaela
Submitted: 7 months ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Clare replied 7 months ago.
HiThank you for your questionMy name is ***** ***** do my best to help you but I need some further informations firstDoes the current arrangement would well for themes important person involved - your daughter?
Customer: replied 7 months ago.
Sorry i don't understand the question?
Expert:  Clare replied 7 months ago.
I am sorry - that is exceptionally bad typingDoes the current arrangement work well for your daughter?
Customer: replied 7 months ago.
thats ok.yes it works well. she is with me for 4 days out of 7 and with him for 3 days. i was going to try and change it to me full time when she is at school for routine purposes and consistency.
Expert:  Clare replied 7 months ago.
If she goes to the school you hope how long would the journey take from Dad's home in the morning?
Customer: replied 7 months ago.
It would take him around 15-20 at that time in the morning
Expert:  Clare replied 7 months ago.
The essential thing for children is stability and security.You are correct - it is not fair on your daughter to simply change arrangements that are working for the child just because Dad wants things to be different.In addition it is clear that your ex has allowed you to take responsibility for arranging and paying for childcareEqually the issue of which school she goes to is one that needs to be discussed and agreed and since the child spends more time in your home then it is reasonable that she goes to a school nearer to you - given that it is still reachable by Dad in the mornings if need be.You and Dad need to discuss these issues using Family Mediationwww.familymediationcouncil.org.ukto agree a new Parenting Plan setting out the new arrangements and the school details - but do not let him bully you!IF no agreement can be reached then your ex can apply to the court to resolve matter - but you have little to fear since your approach is child centred!I hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need further details
Customer: replied 7 months ago.
Thank you for your help ,Just one more thing . Do I have the right as a mum to say no to the 50/50 with the reasons I have given ? Or because he is the father do I have to agree with him ?
Expert:  Clare replied 7 months ago.
Of course you can - he has no right to dictate to you - nor you to him - so things stay as they are unless agreed otherwise - by both of you or the court

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