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Ask Clare Your Own Question

Clare
Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 33303
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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I have an 11 year old and have split from her father since

Customer Question

Hi, i have an 11 year old and have split from her father since she was born. i could go into the type of man he is but i just really need to know where i stand if I decided that i no longer feel my child's emotional well being is being met as i feel he emotionally manipulates her and she no longer wants to spend as much time at her fathers, although i want him to think and know its my decision to change or adjust days. nothing as ever been set in stone concerning visits to her father as he makes the decisions and i find it difficult to mediate or air my concerns as he can show unreasonable behaviour . and he also approaches our child with emotional manipulation. at present he wants/has her monday all day till 7pm, wednesday 11am through to thursday 4pm, friday 11am until saturday 4 pm..as my daughter as gotten older i want to drop the wednesday's so the new arrangements would be monday all day and stay overnight fridays! can i legally change his arrangements with legal rights. we were never married.
Submitted: 7 months ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Clare replied 7 months ago.
HiThank you for your questionMy name is***** shall do my best to help you but I need some further information first.I assume that your child is at School?Do you not wish to have weekends with her?
Customer: replied 7 months ago.
yes she is at school. yes i would love to have weekends with her, and i do take into account so does her father!
Expert:  Clare replied 7 months ago.
Would alternate full weekends work for your daughter?
Customer: replied 7 months ago.
just alternative weekends friday to sunday nights?
Customer: replied 7 months ago.
ideally i would like her to make her own decisions when she visited without feeling guilty or be made to feel guilty by her father and his partner, but legally am i allowed to state alternate weekends.. without my daughter making or being made to feel responsible?
Customer: replied 7 months ago.
Ill arrange a visit to the CAB, thanks for answering.
Expert:  Clare replied 7 months ago.
At 11 your daughter is still a little young for her wishes to be decisive in terms of what happens - it is for her parents to agree what the arrangements should be - and if they cannot do so then the court will.Neither of you can simply dictate what they should be - you have to at least try and discuss it The current arrangements are clearly not child centred - and do not allow you to have a full weekend with her - or her with you.Average contact (if there is any such thing) is alternate weekends plus one evening/night in the week and up to half the school holidays - but only if that would work for your daughter.Your starting point is to try and discuss matters with your ex using Family mediationwww.familymediationcouncil.org.ukand choosing a mediator trained to work with young people so that your daughters wishes can be heard IF he refuses mediation then you can offer alternate weekends plus one night a week and say that this is what will happen unless he choses to go to court.Since your offer is reasonable you would have little to fear from thatYou can read more on this websitehttp://theparentconnection.org.uk/Please ask if you need further details

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