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Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 33005
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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I was made co-respondent, in a court case between my husband

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I was made co-respondent, in a court case between my husband and his ex-wife. She was on a very high Investment banker alimony+lump sums+ mortgage free house. They have been divorced since 2007. I met my husband in 2010, married in 2014. He has two daughters with ex-wife. I have two children from previous marriage (divorced 2004) My husband left involuntarily the investment bank in 2012, started his own credit fund in 2013. This took much longer than anticipated, he did not earn much money and has funded company and employees himself since day 1. Ex-wife refused mediation to adjust alimony for two years. I had to help providing for him as well as lending him money for his children's schools and her alimony. He needed to adjust alimony (which was a Hollywood like 6 number figure/month) The ex-wife simply refused. She was instead convinced he was hiding money and that I channeled it. However, I was lending from my personal savings to him. He was starting up a company and funded it 100%. Ex-wife simply did not believe money came from me. I had quite a large personal fortune from inheritance and selling various properties. The ex-wife just sneered at that and stated I had no money of my own unless I prove it (she has not finished high school, I have a Bachelor degree). It became an obsession with her to continuously accuse me of "helping channel money, making her life miserable, using what is hers etc" Every time we did anything; spent money, travelled or fixed our house she would text or email and say we were spending "her" money. (we are next door neighbours) As she refused to mediate for 2 years to adjust alimony - as she believed we were lying - and my husband simply could not sustain the level, he lowered it. That was wrong to do without a court order but he had no choice, cash was running out. She started court proceedings. After a year it went to trial. During this year she sent verbally abusive emails. She even sent a text threatening me she "could get nasty and would soon come over to our house" (uncomfortable threat when living next door). I did not reply once. Over and over trying to force me to reveal all my personal bank statements and tax revenues. Something I refused to do as I knew I was innocent and because I felt it to be a severe violation of my privacy. After 10 months of bullying from her and her solicitors, harassing me, personally attacking, discrediting me and my work and simply throw slander in her 3 Court Statements, she made me a co-respondent to force me. This was done 1 week after we lost a child at 5 months pregnancy. At this time I felt so depressed and exhausted and put at gun-point I released everything. My whole privat life. After all, I had nothing to hide. She (and her solicitors I guess) still did not believe there was no money. Instead she started pointing fingers at his brother and best friend. 16 months all in all, it finally went to trial in April 2016, 4 days. It was horrific. But with the full FDRs from both husband and ex-wife, all my bank statements and tax revenues 10 years: as well as cross-examinations 2 days of both my husband and the ex-wife (not me), the Judge and hence the Court Order acknowledged I was indeed supporting my husband, lending him my private savings hence indirectly the ex-wife and their children too. Court Order also stated I have no financial responsibility for the ex-wife and their children and that I have indeed a claim against my husband. The Court ruled the alimony to be adjusted down with almost 50% based on my husbands salary and ability but he still needs to borrow money to sustain that level if we do not sell our home.
After the trial I felt so violated and distressed I went into a complete depression. I cried for weeks and felt absolutely numb. But I worked and we got on with our life. We decided to cut all contact with ex. However, yesterday, a huge email-argument erupted between her, me and my husband. I have never contacted her or replied to any of her emails, texts or threat etc. I wrote to her once during proceedings: a very factual and detailed letter when releasing my bank statements. Letter was filed in court together with her texted threat. Yesterday, She made me miss a work appointment because she messed up with her planning. We live next door and she just assumed I could organise her children. I got upset as I missed a meeting, she does not work and her children were with her. My husband was travelling. The emails' angry tone quickly escalated and we all wrote lengthy not very pleasant ones. For the first time ever, I told her what I thought of her past year harassment and treatment of me and how unnecessary it was. It was truthful and factual but yes hurtful as I told her what I thought of her. No cursing or ugly but harsh. She then stated "You are his wife. You channel his money". After 18 months of hell and a Court Order backing me, she stated the same initial thing. What do I do?? I feel so harassed. It is untrue
Submitted: 4 months ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Clare replied 3 months ago.

Thank you for your question

My name is Clare

I shall do my best to help you but I need some further information first

How old are the children anyhow do they share their time between their parents?

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
My husband's are 12 and 13 they share the children 50/50 having the children 2 weeks each.
Mine are 16 and 17 and with me same system 2 weeks / 2 weeks.
I divorced in 2004 in Norway as I am Swedish and he is Norwegian . We had a prenup and according to the law and our court order - because of both our financial stability - we split costs over our children 50% to the penny and I have never received alimony nor child support.
Expert:  Clare replied 3 months ago.

How is information about the children exchanged between your husband and his ex?

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
They email with each other - or the nanny. We live next door to each other.
Not sure if that has anything to do with initial question: We have spent 18 months in court because ex thought there was money hidden and that I channeled such. Court has seen 10,000 documents disvlosed by my husband. A 1,000 from me. A 1,000 from ex. Cross examined etc. Judge believed us. Yet - She continues to accuse me in email that I channel money. My question is what do my husband and I do. It is a serious allegation and I feel we are being completely harassed with it. It has been proven over and over. it is tough enough she is abusive in language and aent a theeat to us (which was filed in court as well) but to be continuously accused of something illegal in spite of Court Order. What do we do? Report her? Re-open court case? Call her somicitor to have him explain to her? endure it because there is nothing to do?
We need her to stop, she is ruining our life.
The children do not know we have been in court process for 1 1/2 year. All of us are exausted, but again; we need her to stop the allegations
Expert:  Clare replied 3 months ago.

In fact she is not accusing you of anything illegal at all - you are as entitled to have your husband's funds in your account - even though you do not.

She will not stop saying these things simple because they are not true - quite possibly because she cannot imagine any woman preferring to be financially independent since it is not something she aspires to.

You have been through a bruising court process but at the end of the day your husband achieved the result he needed

( I will be very honest - had I been acting for him I would have made it clear that disclosure of the source of your money was essential at an early stage - not to shut his ex up but to ensure that her solicitors understood she was not telling the truth)

There is no need for there to be anything other than a minimum of contact between your husband and his ex since the nanny deals with much of the care of the children.

His ex needs to be told that he will not respond to any emails regarding you - and that in the event that she attempts to contact you directly then the police will be called - and it is important that you actually do this if need be

I do appreciate that this is not the answer that you were hoping for - but sadly it is the only one that can be given - you cannot change the minds of the ignorant who prefer to believe lies than truth!

Please ask if you need further details

Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 33005
Experience: I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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