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Jo C.
Jo C., Barrister
Category: Law
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Experience:  Over 5 years in practice
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What is essential to go through a uk English divorce

Customer Question

What is essential to go through a uk English divorce petition when your partner has been very controlling with unreasonable behaviour (i.e. threatening behaviour, removing joint bank funds without my knowledge or consent (excess of £40,000) on joint and also my sole accounts)). Also removal of my rights to a small bedroom and camp bed with only access through his large bedroom (used to be ours) to a bathroom with my solicitors approval and unwanted attention outside my room when i try to get past his room! I asked my solicitor for him to move downstairs to a double room and bathroom so my daughter and i could share upstairs with one bathroom and a through room. He refused this. I have two children that I love dearly and he has now tried to take control of their every move regarding schooling and boarding taking sudden time off at home as well in the last few months. He has tried to infer that my mental health is not good (in an underhand manner after i tried to initiate conversations about separation - open marriage - proceedings, not for the first time. Is mediation a necessary requirement as i have been told I have to go through this with him and any other interested party before the decree nisi is given regarding finances and the children, he has tried to do this in the past to gain private information about my health even when healthy and is a good state of mind. He has now petitioned for divorce due to me playing pool with my son and some young gentlemen whilst out at an inn with him and my brother because someone complimented me and i teased my son about still being vaguely attractive, my brother had told me there was no reason i should not be able to go out to a pub either alone or with my family beforehand and that ~i should not allow him to cancel childminders when abroad and insist that i do not go to exercise classes at 6pm in the evening. I am appalled at the pressure that i have been put under having spoken to the police and social services regarding the effect that this has on my health so far over the years. My solicitor Llanyon Bowdler have insisted on a £2000 payment upfront and have taken several months to answer his solicitors requests for inane spending information (approx £2200 when i was personally earning this amount anyway and he was earning in excess of £5000 net per month. I used it to replace goods/update computer equipment for my sons new school in September (a requirement) & the holiday let replacement of equipment due to guests damage). He has questioned my mental health which has been confirmed as very good by doctors surgery at the moment, he has removed all spending capacity before when i have been in hospital too on a prior occasion. His behaviour has been very overbearing screaming in the street and stopping me do simple things with my daughter like learning to skateboard and following us for 45 minutes until we enter the house again, and this type of problem has partially resulted in me having breakdowns in the past and being sectioned due to pressure and coersion and unknown conversations with my family and health professionals without my knowledge in the past. It is now 7 months since i have tried to initiate a divorce, separation, open relationship in a civilised way so as not to impact too greatly on the children yet give me freedom from his controlling and unreasonable behaviour. he has now petitioned for a divorce instead of me but i wish to check that this has actually happened as i keep getting misinformed & am concerned that my human rights have been taken away from me and that I am not being treated in an equal way - even whilst in good health. He has threatened that my son could not go to independent school if we didn't sell our main house although has also insisted on not leaving our main home & that i have to leave it and that he shall call 999 and the children would be returned to him if i tried to move out. Also he has spoken to my son saying that it is all my fault that i don't love him/them (this is untrue, i just do not love him anymore). i looked to rent properties for the children and I on advice from my solicitor. He has withdrawn all of his money/income, cancelled our joint account several months ago and tried to insist i repay his mother the only amount i had in a separate account which i tried to (when he had already got these funds in another account). There is an email trail of this.
I am now living on a reducing amount of capital in the same house & keep having problems with him trying to gain access to my accounts & put pressure on my children to be with him to an excruciating degree where they are becoming very unindependant in their thoughts
My apologies for the complex nature of the divorce, i am in need of extra guidance to safeguard my children's and my future, i fear that he is very suddenly being very nice yet still stopping me going away with the children yet insisting on taking them abroad himself for the 1st time alone.
Submitted: 5 months ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Clare replied 5 months ago.

Thank you for your quession

My name is Clare

I shall do my best to help you but I need some further information first

How old are the children

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