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Ask Clare Your Own Question
Clare
Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 34236
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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I live in Bournemouth with my 23 months old daughter, Lena,

Resolved Question:

Good morning,
My name is***** live in Bournemouth with my 23 months old daughter, Lena, who has just been diagnosed with ASD yesterday.
Unfortunately her father and I separated last March as he was starting to shout very often and started to be aggressive towards me (not physically ).
As I don't have family around here and Lena has issues with a lot area of life as in socialising( extremely sensitive to noises and children) , sleeping ( sometimes sleeps for 2 hours for a week), not understanding instructions, I
really do struggle. We came over to UK in 2012 for a better of living, started to work within 3 weeks and I had been working within a hotel in Mayfair, London as a duty manager for almost 3 years ..I was thinking of going back to Hungary but my child would have so much better chances in life here regarding to her ASD condition.
Her father pays 150 per month. But according to visiting her, he is very irregular ( he turns up sometimes once in 6 weeks,3 weeks) and constantly refusing a pattern of visit (what would be really necessary in Lena 's life according to her condition ). When he is visiting he never takes her out, sometimes he just lies on the bed, which makes my life even harder because he is not helping out in any way to give me a moment of breathtaking. .however he keeps the telling me how he is enjoying his life by visiting several places, pubs,restaurants. .I found this really mean as I hardly manage to do shopping with her as she gets tantrums if I stop cruising with her in the buggy. When I asked him that wouldn't he think it would be appropriate to take some time off for me as well. .his answer is "I am not your dad or find friends! "...
Some friends have suggested me to look for legal advice..what can I do?
Thank you very much for your answer,
Kind regards, *****
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

Thank you for your question

My name is Clare

I shall do my best to help you but I need some further information first

What do you wish to happen?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Good morning Clare,
Isn't there any legislation that claims how a parental visit "should be " done,mainly now that she is a special needs child? I feel like dad is hardly paying attention to her while he is here for an hour or so...instead just making my life more difficult when explaining about how he is enjoying his free time. .
Also, how do I make sure he pays the correct maintenance fee if I'm unsure how much he is earning?
Thank you Clare
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

Does he actually WANT to spend time with the child?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
He says. .yes. .
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

Is there any reason why he should not take the child out?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
He always avoids answering this question. Or remain in silence.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Would you mind to give me some advice Clare?
Thank you.
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

My apologies for the delay

Do YOU have any objection to him taking the child out?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Clare,
No, I don't.
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

Contact in your home is not good contact for the child - if he wishes to see her then he needs to take her out for a set amount of time and then bring her back

There should be a clear pattern of contact that you can work with so that your daughter knows when he will see her

If your ex is not prepared to commit to such a pattern then you are entitled to refuse to let him see her if he just turns up.

You should try and discuss matters with him using Family mediation

www.familymediationcouncil.co.uk

I hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need further details

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you Clare.
I just mentioned to him in sms, he is swearing at me constantly ..also he added he is not willing to pay me the full amount of child maintenance because of this. .added "I will block your number, let your lawyer call me up.." ..
Hm. .he thinks I want to control him. However I tried to make him understand that our little one requires regime. But don't think he cares. .
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

Does he pay child maintenance via the CMS/CSA

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Good Evening Clare,
He pays 150 himself the first day of each month from last August. No service involved. .but I don't even know how much he earns. .
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

In that case you need to apply to the CMS to set the child maintenance

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you. However I was told that according to some new legislation they are deducting a quite reasonable portion of the maintenance as their service fee. Do you know anything about it? Thank you.
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

You will lose 4% of your payment - and your ex will have to pay 20% of the payment as a fee each time - up to him!

More details here

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/relationships/children-and-young-people/child-maintenance/child-maintenance-2012-scheme/child-maintenance-eligibility-and-rules/the-2012-child-maintenance-scheme-fees-and-charges-and-how-to-avoid-them/

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you Clare. How much child maintenance does he need to pay if he is earning £8.50/h for 40 hrs per week?
Thank you very much.
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

If that is all he is earning then he should pay you £40 a week

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you Clare. I am just guessing. You have been really helpful. Have a good night! Kind regards, Katalin
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

You are most welcome - I hope all goes well

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