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Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 32991
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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My daughter divorced her controlling, manipulative lying

Resolved Question:

My daughter divorced her controlling, manipulative lying husband last year. He has there 9 year old daughter alternative weekends if it is convenient for him. He has recently been signed off work for 3 months with, he says, clinical depression. However he has had a personality problem for years and perfectly fits the description of a bipolar personality. He lies all the time, drinks and will drive while under the influence of alcohol and other substances and is now demanding his daughters passport so that he can take her to Italy for the previously planned holiday with him and his girlfriend who has now dumped him.. My daughter is very unhappy about allowing her daughter to leave the country with somebody who is clearly currently more unstable and irresponsible than usual. She told him he cannot take her out the country and has suggested he take her away somewhere in the UK where she could be reached quickly if there was a problem. According to my granddaughter her father drinks when she is with him, sleeps a lot of the time and will play music and his guitar late at night waking her from sleep. She has recently said she does not want to stay with him at weekends.
If my daughter refused to give him the passport and he applies for a new one can he do this without her knowledge? Is there anything she can do to stop him?
She is seriously considering applying for sole custody of her daughter with supervised visits. He will fight this and lie through his teeth. I should add that his family are no help at all and refuse to admit there is anything wrong because hernia such a plausible liar.
Submitted: 3 months ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Clare replied 3 months ago.

Thank you for your question

My name is Clare

I shall do my best to help you but I need some further information first

Is there a court order in place regarding contact.

how often has he missed a weekend?

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
There is no court order. He will miss a weekend by changing arrangements at the last minute. He will always arrive late to collect his daughter and is very difficult regarding every aspect of child care making it difficult for my daughter to make any arrangements.
Expert:  Clare replied 3 months ago.

Could you explain that a little more

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
The problem is that of his current capabilities. He has had the "bipolar"problem for years but things have come to a head recently when he said he was going go committe suicide. My daughter sent the police round to check on him, needless to say he did I not make an attempt at suicide. He is clearly depressed and has until now never sought any treatment as neither he or his family have felt it necessary. The problem is he is such a liar it is difficult to know if he is actually receiving treatment at the moment. The problems have escalated in last few weeks to the point where he can no longer really be trusted with his daughter. In his current mental state he is not really capable or responsible enough to be allowed to have her for the weekend and certainly not to take her out the country by himself. My daughter would never stop him seeing his daughter unless she felt that her life could be in danger and this is currently the way she feels. Would it be possible to obtain some sort of court order whereby he was not permitted to take out of the country and could only see her with supervised visits until he was clearly better
Expert:  Clare replied 3 months ago.

If she refuses to let her daughter go what will her ex do?

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
As I said right at the beginning, we are afraid he may try to obtain another passport for his 9 year old daughter without my daughters permission?He is not a violent person he is so would not intentionally harm her. He is highly manipulative a verbal bully and mentally cruel but he clearly loves her and she him. However his mental state is such that he no longer thinks logically. He is preoccupied with himself and only talks about how everybody is against him, dislikes him etc. He only talks AT his daughter about himself never talks TO with her, what she has done at school recently etc.We are hoping that by refusing to let his daughter go to Italy will make him realise that he needs help.
Expert:  Clare replied 2 months ago.

Please do not worry - it is not easy to get a second passport - and he would need a signature from your daughter as well.

I am afraid it is unlikely that a refusal will do anything other than make him feel yet more of the world is against him.

Your daughter is clearly very committed to ensuring her daughter has a good relationship with her father but the time may have come

to place some temporary limits on it.

The starting point is for her to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting.

It is unlikely that mediation will be viable from what you said but having attended will enable your daughter to apply for a Prohibited Steps Order to prevent her ex removing the child form her care and a Child Arrangement Order limiting contact to day time visits only until the father's mental health has improved.

I hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need further details

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Thank you. Very reassuring to know he can't obtain another passport.
Expert:  Clare replied 2 months ago.

Well - not without your daughter knowing!

Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 32991
Experience: I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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