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Thank you for your question
My name is Clare
I shall do my best to help you but I need some further information first
Is it likely that he left a Will
I am afraid that unless he made a Will appointing someone else as Executor then sadly his Wife has full control over not only the funeral but also the disposal of the ashes.
This gives her the legal right to be as vindictive as she choses (nothing could give her the moral right to do what she has done)
Additionally it means it is up to her whether or not any letter he might have written is actually posted.
I am so very sorry about this.
The only slim chance you have is that if there was a Will it will have to go to Probate when it will become a public document and there may be information in it about his funeral wishes
I am so very very sorry to give bad news
Please ask if you need anything further
I am afraid that here is no set time line - and in fact if all the assets were held in joint names it will not be necessary to obtain Probate at all.
I am afraid that in fact the Funeral Directors and the Crematorium were correct to withhold the details since they had clearly been told to do so
You are welcome - although it hurts to have to tell you the facts