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Jo C.
Jo C., Barrister
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 70281
Experience:  Over 5 years in practice
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I have just been visited 21-15 hrs by the police re Sue

Resolved Question:

I have just been visited 21-15 hrs by the police re Sue making a complaint of Harassment to her son and mother.
I have been served notice not to make contact with her in any shape or form that includes other people not allowed to make contact with her for me and that applies to her to!
So how do we make contact in 2/3 months’ time if she wanted to, the police is tell her that I am addressing my behaviour and my controlling behaviour in Counselling, but how can we resolve things now?
This is all due to her son lying re me putting things on the internet.
Be obliged how or what can be done!!
She moved out 3 weeks ago into a flat saying she wants space and time, she did this 5 yrs ago and my counsellor says she is playing the victim game!!
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.

Why do you want to make contact?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
because I am having counselling as to my behaviour and it is suggested my wife is playing the victim game and with time she will want to make contact in 2/3 months to hopefully make a fresh start
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
She did this 5 yrs ago and came back after 3 months
Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.

Yes, but isn't the risk that she will do it again and then use this incident against you.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
if she wanted to make a go of things she would have to do the same as me to seek help with a counsellor ensuring we have a better marriage in the future, but how can we make contact say in 3 months to talk etc
My counsellor feels that as she is playing the victim game again she will come round in time
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I have already paid would I have to pay more to chat with you?
Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.

I think there is an additional cost for a phone call but we can carry on online.

Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.

You should be running for the hills.

Your wife is a vexatious accuser. This has many different names - narcistic personality disorder, vexatious accusing, malingering, getting attention, etc.

The fact is the same whatever you call it - every time she can't have what she wants she will call the police.

That will not change. It never does.

Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.

If you are intent then you can always ask the police to withdraw the harassment warning when you show that she is acting at variance with it.

However, it is a bad idea. She will carry on and on and on.
It is women like her who make allegations of rape.

Do not be a victim.

Can I clarify anything for you?

Jo

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
she was influenced by her son as I sent him some e-mails his mother wrote to me to show him his mother is not telling the truth and I would take her to court for defamation of character showing all her e-mails and photos unless she retracts what she told them he told her I was going to put it all on Internet and that is not true hence why police called
Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.

Dont fall for that nonsense. Women like her are always blaming other people. Point is, he didn't force her to call the police and tell lots of lies about you and she is an adult and responsible for herself.

Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.

Just leave her alone. A defamation action isn't really a realistic option I'm afraid.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
my wife was married twice before the first anal raped her and abused her the second took all her money and went with other women etc
I am aware of this and why she is so insecure, I was responsible for her leaving due to my behaviour and hence she ran, but agree her playing the victim was her choice after she went!!
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
we both felt a few days before that we had a good happy marriage until I did what I did and I was wrong hence why I have started counselling to help me to be a better person and save our marriage
Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.

Yes, well, that would have been a good time to run for the hills.

never get involved with people who have a background of accusing others of abuse. They always turn on you in the end.

I understand that you want to forgive but if you just consider what you know - she has accused her former husband of rape, she has accused you of harassment and tried to blame her son.

Most people never even make even one allegation of abuse.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
The abuse is supported by crisis rape where she went for help and her family verify the other husband so I understand them to be true, if she got more help as crisis rape never gave her closure when they opened her Pandora's box and my counsellor feels that she does need help to address her insecurities rom her past properly
Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.

That isn't support. All that means is that she told them the same thing.

Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.

She is probably telling all and sundry that you are a harasser but that doesn't make it true.

Just like she has tried to blame her son and that isn't true either.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
but how could we make contact if we wanted to with this order restricting us and I hear what you say and that does not what I did to make her go right and I feel space and time and support would help the marriage
Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.

If you are intent then you can always ask the police to withdraw the harassment warning when you show that she is acting at variance with it.

However, it is a bad idea. She will carry on and on and on.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I am a Forensic Staff Nurse and a trained Counsellor, but not able to help myself, but I do believe that she can address herself like she did with her heavy drinking when I gave her an ultimatum to stop or we are finished and she did we have been together 9 yrs and married four yrs, underneath all that victim/insecurity is a nice woman and she does show that until my appalling behaviour making her run.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
my question based on my Counsellor who did recognise that she is playing the victim game and she can sort out this, but will need space and time, how can we make contact in say 3 moths time to get things resolved, agree that unless she gets help and support (which was not given her in the past) and she feels that the marriage would be better and safer as I am already getting help about me, but we both must address thungs or it would be back her again!! So what can be done please?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
is there a problem replying as it is awhile since I sent you my last question but appreciate you honesty and directness, but I do love her and do feel we could work it out as indicated
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Could I have your response what I have said please?
Expert:  Jo C. replied 1 year ago.

Oh yes, of course she can help herself. There is probably nothing wrong with her anyway.

I'm not sure what else you wanted to know though? As I've said

If you are intent then you can always ask the police to withdraw the harassment warning when you show that she is acting at variance with it.

However, it is a bad idea. She will carry on and on and on.

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